This is a good first draft. It needs editing, but it provides an excellent base. It would be interesting to read about the girl's emotional struggles with carrying a baby who's father is a rapist, along with having to give up a baby that she has carried for 9 months. This could turn into a very inspirational story for someone facing a similar issue in real life.
The right to life & abortion are very emotionally charged, and I think a good way to get an idea across in a gentle way is through a good work of fiction rather than in an open debate.
I'm usually not good with poetry, but I enjoyed this. I felt the warmth of the sun and could picture myself lying there in some warm location like Arizona. Nicely done
Very well written description of your feelings. I can relate to many of them. For me, it's mostly not feeling anything.
Don't drown. Life is worth living, it is just different with depression. In some ways it makes you more real, more alive, because you experience the world in ways others never do.
It's good. It has good pace and kept me interested throughout. I understand why you wrote a few things in Spanish. I knew enough of it to figure it out, but I'm not sure everyone will. I'm not quite sure how you deal with that, whether you put the English translation in parentheses or simply write it in English and say that they said it in Spanish. I don't know, but I'm sure you could easily research that to see how other authors deal with it. If I didn't know any Spanish and had to go look it up, it would distract too much from my reading.
Look forward to seeing more of the story.
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/karlbahler
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.07 seconds at 1:31am on Nov 13, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
