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Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/kanjisushi
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3 Public Reviews Given
4 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review by kanjisushi Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello Skelworath,

I read your piece, "Dreaming the Beginning" which I found really interesting. I feel like you did a great job with the imagery and descriptions and the 1st person narrative worked well.

I did notice at least one pretty major typos that I would recommend correcting. The character says, "But I feel at ease, I feel CONTEMPT, I don’t need to tell anyone else." I assume you meant to say "I feel content". Anyway, I really like the piece. Good job. I feel like with a little more polish and some proofreading, it'll really shine.

Have a good one.
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Review by kanjisushi Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi,

I just got done reading "The Life of William Conrad Chesterton" and while I enjoyed your mechanics, story telling, and overall narrative, I am having very mixed feelings about the main character.

As you introduced William, shared with us his characteristics, and highlighted all the things that make him so special, I found myself getting turned off by his character...or perhaps a better word would be bored.

There is no internal conflict going on inside of him, no character flaw, or anything that makes him compelling. It seems to me that he excels at everything and struggles with nothing. I know this story is "To be Continued" so perhaps all this will change, which is definitely what I am hoping for as I really enjoy reading your work.

Keep up the good work and I look forward to reading the rest of the story. Take care.
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