I just wanted to let you know that I read this and liked it quite a bit--it does seem to be up my alley. The story is good and gives some great insight into this character in just a few words. I would love to show you how I would edit it, but it sounds like you're already planning to, so I'm not sure you're looking for actual edits.
My opinion is: that it's a great little story that drew me in and made me interested in John.
In the end, when our backs strike that final period, leaving us breathless and staring up that short cliff of words, isn't that what we really hoped for all along?
I'm going to give it a 4 because it's not edited, but I'd really like to read it again when it's a 5.
JD Schlueter
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