Ha! I think this is quiet funny! Flows rather smoothly, except I had a little trouble with the word 'concrete'. Do you think it would make it better to change the word to ...... 'black tar'...road diner..? Nevertheless, a very solid poem. Excellent! Keep writing
I like this! If this was mine I might do some different word placing-NOT changing the word/meaning, such as; lines 3&4 "The long forgotten mother/who weeps for her Children," to The mother, long forgotten/ ....
Just suggestions...I very rarely give 5 stars because I feel everyone can improve the work somehow.
Maybe I enjoy this so much because it strikes accord with how I write sometimes.
....Keep writing! :)
Hi! Just a short note to say your poem is beautiful! If this doesn't win first place in the Lighthouse contest, it SHOULD. I know I'll read this again!
I enjoyed reading your poem. You held my attention all the way through. I think the title is appropiate, and you also created a good word flow throughout the entire poem. There are a few things, though, that I felt slightly weakened it. I think the question marks in the second stanza could be removed without loosing any meaning. Perhaps after, "Of what i once was" a colon could be used. Also, "i" should always be capitalized. One more thing I think would be good, is if you exchanged placement of the 7th and 8th stanzas. There's no need to change the wording, just make "Forgive this corpse for living... /and failing to move on/ but continuing to stand... " your next-to-last stanza. What do you think?
Overall, this is a wonderful write, very visual and expresses so well how a person could feel after a crushing hurt.
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
Keep on writing!
I read your article and found it helpful. I think you covered all the points on how to do a proper review. I took notes, and hopefully I will become an effective reviewer. Thank you! :)
This article is very helpful, not only in understaning the process you use in reviewing, but also as a guideline for me. Having learned some of the things you consider while reading my work makes your review more valuable to me. Thank you! I will refer back to this in the future. :)
This is a good poem. I can feel the loneliness and longing. There is, however, one thing that needs work.I don't think the title, "Red Chevrolet " matches your poem. I wouldn't change the refference to the car, though, because that gives your poem some color. In my opinion, because your poem focuses on the chair your title should lend to that subject. Keep writing!
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.12 seconds at 12:09pm on Nov 24, 2024 via server WEBX2.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
