Hi
I don't know what you want to know from this exactly. Im new here too, but you have grammar issues which can be corrected if you review your grammar. As far as the factual paragraph. I found it boring like you are just rattling off facts. Today there are a lot of history books about famous people that get into the character from their point of view and show their lives not just lecture. Show not tell makes everything much more interesting to read. I hated history classes in school because the teachers just rattled off facts following along in the text book, but today the authors become the character and show their lives. Thomas Jefferson is one book I totally enjoyed. Read more books on the subject you like to write about and see how the professionals do it.
Good Luck to you.
Jules
Saige you have a talent in writing. I can't believe your only 14 and wrote this. There are a few grammar issues, but other wise keep up the great job. I can't wait to read the whole story.
Im not into poetry but since yours was short I thought I'd give it a go and I was surprised this really got into my soul. Yes its dark indeed, but sometimes we feel this way about life.
The plot was good. Just needs some spicing up a lot. A lot of I did this and I did that which bored me. Grammar also seems to be a big issue as well. Make each word count as being descriptive or action. Keep working at it, cutting it down bit by bit.
Journals are just that our grudging day to day life we all lead. Unless we have a fascinating, exciting daily life lets face it its boring. Sorry your journal did't grab me, it was boring as journals are. I need a hook in that first sentence something as to why Shannon Watson is interesting for me to invest my time to want to read your whole story. Your descriptions are good. It needs to be spiced up and make this Shannon an interesting character.
I enjoyed this in a sad way. It is a great thinking piece. I mean whether your a student learning or working a full time job. Were all in our own cycles of life.
I enjoyed this very much. Im new here and haven't critiqued articles. Im more into stories with characters and settings. This would be a great article for a magazine for this time of year.
okay Im new at doing this so take that for what its worth. I was disappointed. It built me up and then the bottom dropped out from underneath. The writing is good, descriptive and kept me engaged all the way and then bam. I hit the floor.
Its a good article. One we can all relate to. We are aware of these things, your not really sharing anything new here. I didn't learn anything from this article. Im not sure what type of critique your looking for here. Would you like this published in a magazine or where would you like this to be published? Are you looking for word choices, sentence critiques? When I read an article I like to learn something new. Sorry I didn't with this one.
Jules
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