The poem's central idea revolves around the intersection of the mundane and the imaginative, highlighting how overlooked details in our everyday environment can inspire thoughts of exploration and adventure. The subject matter focuses on the imagery of a drive, where small, unremarkable patches of cement evoke thoughts of distant lands and the possibility of discovery.
Language
The poem's word choice is descriptive, creating vivid imagery. Phrases like "careless shovel," "tiny islands," and "asphalt ocean" mix the ordinary with the extraordinary, suggesting that beauty and wonder can be found in everyday life. Literary devices such as metaphors are prevalent; the "asphalt ocean" compares the road to a vast sea, while the "archipelagos" symbolize the scattered patches of cement.
Overall
Very well-written and descriptive it gave me the feeling of being right there on the road with you.
Reader's Reaction: What a great story, I had no idea how this was going to end, what a pleasant surprise.
Characters/Dialog: I enjoyed Madame Hecate, she stared off as a charlatan but ended up being a hero. The dialogue was perfect for the story.
Emotion/tone/Atmosphere: The story started with me feeling like Madame Hecate should be arrested for fraud but as the story continue I felt that she actually believed in the occult. Great job on that presentation.
Plot & Pace: I thought the plot was well laid out and the pace of the story was good. Just enough ebb and flow to keep me reading.
Structure/plot/setting & Imagery: I felt like I was at the fair and I would picture the little tent where she would do her work.
Favorite Lines: "Oh My God", Hecate thought with disdain, "just another sucker to play with.
This line resonated with me, this is what made me think she was a charlatan. Great job!
Overall Impression/Conclusion: This was a very well crafted and well written story. the beginning hooked me, the middle gave me a little depth and the end made me appreciate Madame Hecate.
I didn't find any spelling or grammatical errors in the story.
I enjoyed this poem and the powerful message it sent. The opening was very thought provoking;
I choose You
You choose Me
We choose Us
We, together, are unstoppable
The line, "We choose us" really resonated with me.
The overflow was great, I was able to read it through once without having to stop to reread. I am giving this 5 stars and will look forward to reading more from you.
I enjoyed your poem. It flowed smoothly for the most part but there were a few spots where I had to stop and reread. Not sure if that deliberate or not.
A declaration,
a choice to rejoice.
The rhythm carries
me along,
This was where I stumbled. Other than that I felt this was a good poem with a powerful message.
This was a very well written piece of poetry. I enjoyed the theme and the pace of the work. I was fulfilled in only 8 lines which is a testament to your story telling.
I didn’t find any spelling or grammatical errors in the work. Overall I loved it and will look forward to more of your work. Thank you
You met the task of the stanzas and sequences. I loved the first line, “Retirement is at hand” I was curious as to where you were going to take me and I thoroughly enjoyed the journey.
Overall this was a very nicely written poem that captured the essence of “That was 2024”. Thank you
Overall nice concept. The only grammatical error I see is in the 6th sentence “whose been so many places” maybe add “whose been to so many places” just a thought. Other than that I thought it was a smooth read! Thank you for a nice poem and enjoy. Happy new year.
I have to admit, you put a lot of thought and effort into what I just read. I may just look to see how the story unravels. Not really my thing but great concept and creativity
That was a very sad story on a topic that is all to commonplace in our society. It makes you think, what more can I do? What haven’t I done? Should I do something that makes me uncomfortable?
These are all very powerful questions that I thought about as I read your story!
If I may, I did see one error:
A two day one right to Paris. I think you meant night.
I enjoyed this first meeting of the characters and what i think is going to be a very interesting plot. The setting in Monterey should be interesting, I've been there so I look forward to learning more about it.
Reader's Reaction: I was wondering where this chapter was going to go, right off the bat you had me thinking that Richard might be planning something or was it going to be Durant. But what took place in the parking garage was a total surprise.
Characters/Dialog: I like the description you gave of Mr. Durant, you painted a picture of a character that could have been likeable but now he is dead. I will be interested in seeing how the female murderer turns out.
Plot & Pace: I am intrigued to see how the plot will be laid out. I liked the pace of the chapter, it was descriptive and it had a nice ebb and flow to it. I wanted to read more to immerse myself into the setting.
Structure/plot/setting & Imagery: I thought the overall structure and setting was good, you were able to describe the before and after of Monterey. I was able to envision what it must have looked like when Durant was growing up.
Favorite Lines: This was one of my favorite lines in the story. Pop ran a card game in the back room, and occasionally Durant would chat with his dealer, Kay, or K., whatever, a heavyset woman with a life story that covered continents and consisted of a long series of barroom brawls, narrow escapes, and stupid men. He could listen to her talk for hours, and sometimes had. I could imagine a young kid sitting in awe of the great story teller, Kay or K.
Overall Impression/Conclusion: The Prologue was thrilling enough to make me want to read the next chapter (I will).
Now for a few things I thought were confusing: This was why everyone liked Robert Durant. He had, during his life, moved from cute through handsome and into distinguished in a seamless transition even as success had dogged his every step. Despite this, he remained witty and gracious. Now, as the fifty-six-year-old manager of the city's main Bank of America branch thanked and apologized to a lowly security guard, he made the thousand-dollar suit he wore look good.
What do you mean by success dogged his every step?
And he made the thousand dollar suit look good?
Other than that I really did enjoy it and look forward to Chapter 1
What a great poem, I enjoyed it very much! The line, “to know the unknown”, was a powerful line for me. It talks about a journey, any journey. I related that to when I was diagnosed with stomach cancer, I began a journey into the unknown wish I knew before hand.
Your execution of the “bop” is perfect information. I was able to fully put everything together after reading the refrain. I could only imagine what does really happen at some loved ones graves. There is probably a mixture of emotions. Thank you for a nice BOP!!
The beginning of this poem was very powerful and captivating. An indication of a spouse cheating on the other. It is well thought out and put together. I love the powerful message. Thank you for something to sink my teeth into and something to ponder.
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