I enjoyed this story more than I thought I would. Although I am not a religious person, I thought the message was worthwhile and delivered well. Once the actual story began, the pacing and language was very natural and the writing held my attention (an impressive feat ;) )
At first I didn't like the beginning. It seemed irrelevant to the story and I was going to suggest that it be removed, but by the end of the story I realized that it achieves its purpose, which is more or less the same as "A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away," in Star Wars: it effectively gives the reader a feeling of adventure, fantasy, and mystery. This feeling contrasts with the familiarity of the rocks and your final paragraphs which bring the message of the story back home to our everyday lives. I do think the diction and pacing exposition in the first paragraphs could definitely be improved, however. Particularly this part:
"You will be careful. You will look into the hole first. And when you look into the magical hole in the alder tree by the stream flowing beyond the Giant’s Grave in the west of Ireland, I do not know what you will see. Since I do not know what you will see I cannot tell you. But I will tell you what I saw."
Awkward, redundant sentences like these are found throughout the first section. If you tighten the language (less is more), the long exposition won't be so burdensome on the reader and they will actually make it to the REAL part of the story in Rockabee.
Overall, I like the story, particularly the dialogue and the symbolism/metaphor of the rocks' desire to alter themselves. I think if you tighten and polish the language throughout, it could be great.
This poem has some great images. I don't write poetry but I can offer suggestions:
"Dripping with the taste of failure" is a mix of images that I don't think is effective. How can something drip with taste?
"Sickly sweet" is a HUGE cliche (as is 'taste of failure,' 'fills with hate' 'you can't escape,' and 'fills us with dread,') These cliches make your poem unmemorable, unfortunately. Also, cliches like this are used so often that they become more or less meaningless to the reader.
I can tell you have a similar sense of humor to my own. As a result, your writing style is also very similar to mine--and others who share our goofy sense of humor--which is kind of a bad thing. However, the more you write, the more you will develop your own style, so that isn't a big deal. Also, while this style isn't totally unique, I do love it and it takes a certain kind of awesome person to pull it off, which I think you have :)
I'm not an "authority" on short stories on anything, but I do have a few suggestions that you might find helpful.
"They were drunk." This is an easily fixable example of 'telling' not 'showing.' Make your reader figure it out. All you have to do is add details or actions which suggest that they are all drunk--how would it smell or sound, and how would the drunkards be speaking? However, don't make it difficult to figure out what they are drunk... lol.
In that same scene, you said "They were impressed" twice. In fact, you repeat a lot of things (though not always using the exact same words). This story would benefit from being more concise. Even if you think something is really funny, if it isn't necessary to the scene in some way--remove it.
About the divisions--I guess in a world where commercials divide most of our entertainment, these divisions seem natural. However, when a 3k word story is divided into 13 sections... well, that seems a little much. Ask yourself: why did you divide them into sections? Is it necessary? Would the story be improved if it were more continuous? Are they there because you wrote this story one segment at a time? If so, it shouldn't be so obvious when you stopped and started writing. Are they there to build tension and suspense? If that's the case, I think that it loses its effectiveness after 13 sections. Also, the divisions would add more of a suspenseful punch if there was actual suspense. There is no wait to see what happens next, no switch to a different character or anything: it just happens.
Oh one final suggestion: instead of working hard to change and improve this story until it's perfect, try writing a new one. That always gets the creative juices flowing, plus you get to practice crafting new plots. While revision is important, sometimes you just need to set something down and start anew. :)
You were an imaginative child! I enjoyed this story because I always like to hear about the antics of young children. I thought your story was funny, and written in natural, easy-to-read language.
However, you use too many cliches. A phrase that is used in every day language so much that it loses most of its meaning is a cliche. Examples in your story : "too much for me to handle," "I bet," "the fact was," "scare the crap out of," "came to a screeching halt," etc. These overused phrases are VERY detrimental to the style and memorability of your story.
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