I am not a professional reviewer so take everything I say with the proverbial grain of salt.
Your characters are realistic and vey believable, however, they seem younger than is typical for the erotica genre. Your definition of romance/erotica is perfect. Honestly, this approach should be used in all types of fiction. Hitchcock said “"There is no terror in the bang, only in the anticipation of it." And this wisdom can used in every sort of writing, and fiction as far as I’m concerned. There is really no use in rushing anything.
The story section was spot on. The writing is solid, and it reminded me of my own high school days of many odd years ago. The only obstacle is your use of characters, and background. What you have written challenges typical notions of the genre, and of stock characters presented in it. This is fine by me. I like challenges to accepted norms. I’m not sure how the typical reader would react. Keep up the good work.
Well done, and well written. If you can craft a believable story in this short a space, you can definitely create a captivating tale on a much broader palate. Your work has managed to intrigue me. I left in want for answers. Who is this lady? Is she taking advantage of the man in the cast? The answers are relevant, and yet the work stands as a complete piece. This is my third review, and yet I haven’t given anyone a five yet. Keep writing.
I found this story very intriguing. I wish I had a great deal of corrections for the story, or means for the author to improve, but I don’t. This is what a first chapter should be.
Also, fine work on researching this project. I used GoogleMaps to look up specific streets and names, and found the jived perfectly with the story and its setting. You have a few instances where showing and not telling could be improved. I would not consider this a final draft. Overall this is excellent work. I will be looking forward to the next installment.
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