If I offend you with my comments, my apologies that is not my intent.
One stanza twelve lines per stanzas.
Could have been separated into three quatrains of four line rhyming pattern.
Fixed meter of five syllables however the sixth line is six syllables.
The poem stays on subject.
You did not say what type of poem it was in the description.
I would say not a traditional style poem.
Not bad generally a good poem and an ok read.
If I offend you with my comments, my apologies that is not my intent.
Three quatrains and a couplet stanzas.
Fourteen lines.
Rhyming pattern of a,b,a,b c,d,c,d e,f,e,f g,g Shakespearean sonnet rhyme.
No spelling error or typos that I could find.
A Shakespearean sonnet contains ten syllables a line and written in iambic pentameter.
No fixed meter normally a sonnet has a fixed meter of the same number of syllables in each line.
Depending on the sonnet type eight to 12 syllables.
The poem stays on subject.
You did not say what type of sonnet in the description.
I would say it is a Modern Sonnet not a traditional style, due to the meter.
I found it interesting, all in all a good sonnet.
If I offend you with my comments, my apologies that is not my intent.
Poetry is a lot more complicated than most people think. It is an art form of its own.
I evaluate poems with reasons comparing them to excepted techniques and structures.
Four stanzas three quatrains and a couplet.
Fourteen Lines.
Imperfect rhyming pattern of a,b,a,b c,d,c,d e,f,e,f g,g.
No spelling error or typos that I could find.
No word confusion that I could spot.
No Dialect confusion I could see.
The right amount of syllables in all the lines but one the eighth.
The poem stays on subject and flows well.
I would say it is a Modern Sonnet close to a traditional style.
A good sonnet and a joy to read.
If I offend you with my comments, my apologies that is not my intent I will try to give you helpful hints.
One term I use is “Word confusion”
Word confusion is, Which witch is which? Some people call that a spelling mistake however the words are spelled correctly, just the wrong word.
Dialect confusion is, “Prise Vs Prize.” Both words are spelled correctly and both words have the same meaning. Just in one place they are accustomed to spelling it Prise, and in another place they are accustomed to spelling it Prize.
A couple broken quotes.
End or beginning quotes are easier to follow.
Just one stand-alone dialogue.
You miss the opportunity to create a more vivid picture with stand-alone dialogue if you don’t confuse your audience.
Two spelling errors or typos I could see, pre-essembled pre-assembled and ratchet rachet. Normally I do not check for spelling and grammar in dialogue just word confusion. I just thought these two were a typo.
No Dialect confusion
No word confusion I could find.
A good story and a little funny.
I hope you find my comments helpful.
Joe
If I offend you with my comments, my apologies that is not my intent.
Poetry is a lot more complicated than most people think. It is an art form of its own.
I evaluate poems with reasons comparing them to excepted techniques and structures. However, there are always new wave techniques every once in a while.
The only reason I mention meter so concisely is in case your poem is a technique I am not familiar with.
There are two types of meter, on or syllabic meter and stressed meter.
To spot on or syllabic meter count syllables, if there is a meter, there is the same number or pattern of syllables in the lines of poetry. (A Haiku has a pattern of 5,7,5 on or syllables.)
One stanzas.
Five Lines in the stanza.
Rhyming pattern imperfect a,a,b,b,a.
No spelling error or typos that I could find.
No word confusion that I could spot.
Fixed meter of 8,8,6,6,8 not 9,9,6,6 however the poem still flows very well.
The poem stays on subject.
You did not say what type of poem it was in the description.
I would say it is an imperfect limerick but very good.
Pretty good poem and a joy to read.
If I offend you with my comments, my apologies that is not my intent I will try to give you helpful hints.
One term I use is “Word confusion”
Word confusion is, Which witch is which? Some people call that a spelling mistake however the words are spelled correctly, just the wrong word.
Dialect confusion is, “Prise Vs Prize.” Both words are spelled correctly and both words have the same meaning. Just in one place they are accustomed to spelling it Prise, and in another place they are accustomed to spelling it Prize.
Dialect should be true to the author and the story or poem not the reader, unless the piece is written for a very specific audience.
I do not check for spelling and grammar in dialogue just word confusion.
In dialogue people say what they say. “So I’ll no be gradin dat Eh.”
I will look for cryptographic meanings.
Abis Mal is abysmal, a cryptographic name in the movie Aladdin. Cruella De Vil is cruel devil in 101 Dalmatians. These can make and break a story.
I don’t correct the spelling of names take my first name as an example Josehf.
If you have a hard time thinking of a last name look for one in an atlas. My last name is Murchison there is Murchison Texas, Murchison Australia, Murchison Falls Africa, and Murchison Crater on the Moon. Don’t forget the stars.
A couple broken quotes.
End or beginning quotes are easier to follow.
A couple stand-alone dialogue.
You miss the opportunity to create a more vivid picture with stand-alone dialogue if you don’t confuse your audience.
Dialogue is off period and dialect.
There are three ways to steer a sailboat, with the rudder, with the sail, and with the sea anchor in deep water.
In rough seas with no rudder and sails, you throw out the sea anchor to align the ship into the waves to keep the ship from being capsized.
One spelling error or typo I could see. Doorjamb is one word.
One Dialect confusion or word confusion I could find. Gray is the color.
A good story I like the way you presented it.
I hope you find my comments helpful.
Joe
If I offend you with my comments, my apologies that is not my intent.
Poetry is a lot more complicated than most people think. It is an art form of its own.
I evaluate poems with reasons comparing them to excepted techniques and structures. However, there are always new wave techniques every once in a while.
Word confusion is, Which witch is which? Some people call that a spelling mistake however the words are spelled correctly, just the wrong word.
Quatrain stanzas throughout the poem.
a,b,a,b rhyme scheme throughout the poem much like the quatrains in a Spenserian sonnet.
A mix of General rhyme and sprung rhyme.
No spelling error or typos that I could find.
No word confusion that I could spot.
Not sure if you tried for a stressed meter or a fixed meter. Poems this large are too easy to make a mistake when checking for meter, so I made no attempt.
The poem stays on subject very well.
You did say it was a story poem the term is Epic poem.
I would say it is an Epic poem and somewhat Allegorical also in that it tells or teaches of a mothers love.
This story reminds me of a story about a conquer (Not sure Attila the Hun I think?) a good epic poem.
If I offend you with my comments, my apologies that is not my intent.
Poetry is a lot more complicated than most people think. It is an art form of its own.
I evaluate poems with reasons comparing them to excepted techniques and structures. However, there are always new wave techniques every once in a while.
If the poem is a technique I am not familiar with please let me know the name and the rules of the technique.
Word confusion is, Which witch is which? Some people call that a spelling mistake however the words are spelled correctly, just the wrong word.
Shakespearean Sonnet is one of the poetic forms that can be found in lyric poetry from Europe. The term "sonnet" derives from the Occitan word sonet and the Italian word sonetto, both meaning “little song” and "little sound". By the thirteenth century, it had come to signify a poem of fourteen lines that follows a strict rhyme scheme and specific structure. A Shakespearean, or English, sonnet consists of 14 lines structured as three quatrains and a couplet, each line containing ten syllables and written in iambic pentameter, in which a pattern of an unemphasized syllable followed by an emphasized syllable is repeated five times. The rhyme scheme in a Shakespearean sonnet is “abab / cdcd / efef / gg”, the last two lines are a rhyming couplet. The third quatrain generally introduces an unexpected sharp thematic or imagistic "turn" called a Volta. In Shakespeare's sonnets, the couplet usually summarizes the theme of the poem or introduces a fresh new look at the theme.
Four stanzas.
4-4-4-2 lines in the stanzas.
No spelling error or typos that I could find.
No word confusion that I could spot.
Not sure if you tried for a stressed meter, a person writes a poem in stressed meter by the way they speak for recitation and it can be different from the way I speak according to their accent.
The fixed meter of 10 each line.
The poem stays on subject.
I didn’t find a shape in the poem like a Carmen Figuratum or a Concrete poem.
I would say it is structured as a Shakespearean Sonnet.
All in all a good poem and a joy to read.
If I offend you with my comments, my apologies that is not my intent I will try to give you helpful hints.
One term I use is “Word confusion”
Word confusion is, Which witch is which? Some people call that a spelling mistake however the words are spelled correctly, just the wrong word.
I do not check for spelling and grammar in dialogue just word confusion.
In dialogue people say what they say. “So I’ll no be gradin dat Eh.”
I will look for cryptographic meanings.
Abis Mal is abysmal, a cryptographic name in the movie Aladdin. Cruella De Vil is cruel devil in 101 Dalmatians. These can make and break a story.
I don’t correct the spelling of names take my first name as an example Josehf.
If you have a hard time thinking of a last name look for one in an atlas. My last name is Murchison there is Murchison Texas, Murchison Australia, Murchison Falls Africa, and Murchison Crater on the Moon. Don’t forget the stars.
A couple typos in the P.S
Capital T in they’re “(they’re reading over my shoulder to make sure I humiliate myself totally)”
Did you mean Your Tooth Angle.
And one word confusion Their. “There, does that satisfy you?”
This was a fun read like reading someone else’s mail.
I did not comment on grammar or excessive punctuation because people write letters that way and I think that was the illusion you wanted to create.
I hope you find my comments helpful.
Joe
If I offend you with my comments, my apologies that is not my intent.
I read your poem.
I usually compare writing to definable elements of literature.
This poem is of a structure used frequently but I do not know if anyone one has ever analysed poetry of this structure properly or given a name to it.
It reminds me of a poem written by Elizabeth Barrette Browning; I think, I am more likely wrong about the author. It was a poem constructed of birdcalls, the first time I heard the poem it was recited by a person that could not do a birdcall if his life depended on it. It sounded like crap and then I thought what would the poem sound like if a bird recited it. I know that sounds stupid but I hunt and fish and I listen to birds singing all the time.
I think I am the wrong bird singing your poem.
So I will just say your feelings are portrayed in your writing.
And are conveyed throughout the poem and to that point I give you five stars.
The most important point to poetry is; it must elicit a response from the reader or listener. No one said it must be a good response or a bad response and your poem elicits a response from me.
If I offend you with my comments, my apologies that is not my intent.
Poetry is a lot more complicated than most people think. It is an art form of its own.
I evaluate poems with reasons comparing them to excepted techniques and structures. However, there are always new wave techniques every once in a while.
Free verse does not need to have meter and can but does not need to rhyme however it should follow the rules of English or the language of origin.
There is one exception to this; you are blending it with another poetry technique. (A Free Verse Carmen Figuratum as an example.)
The only reason I mention meter so concisely is in case your poem is a technique I am not familiar with.
There are two types of meter, on or syllabic meter and stressed meter.
To spot on or syllabic meter count syllables, if there is a meter, there is the same number or pattern of syllables in the lines of poetry. (A Haiku has a pattern of 5,7,5 on or syllables.)
Stressed meter is measured in feet. Feet are classified first by the number of syllables in the foot and secondarily by the pattern of vowel lengths or syllable stresses they are comprised of. “Unstressed = short and Stressed = long”.
If there is a stressed meter, there is the same number or pattern of syllables in the lines of poetry.
If the poem is a technique I am not familiar with please let me know the name and the rules of the technique.
Word confusion is, Which witch is which? Some people call that a spelling mistake however the words are spelled correctly, just the wrong word.
Modern Sonnet with the advent of free verse, the sonnet came to be seen as somewhat old-fashioned and fell out of use for a time among some schools of poets. However, a number of modern poets continued to use the form, often experiment with 14 lines and sonnet rhymes, though without regular sonnet meter. The advent of the New Formalism movement in the United States has also contributed to contemporary interest in the sonnet.
It is constructed of fourteen lines three Quatrain and one couplet stanzas.
Shakespearean sonnet: "abab / cdcd / efef / gg" rhyme scheme throughout the poem.
One spelling error or typos that I could find in the forth couplet stanza frivolity not frivolty.
No word confusion that I could spot.
Do not think you tried for a stressed meter.
This poem is (8,8,8,8) (8,12,11,10) (7,9,8,10) and (11,13) on or syllables in the lines.
No fixed meter however the poem still flows very well.
The poem stays on subject.
You did not say what type of poem it was in the description.
I didn’t find a shape in the poem like a Carmen Figuratum or a Concrete poem.
I would say it is a Modern Sonnet not a traditional style.
All in all a good poem and read.
I liked your poem.
It was a nice read on a mother’s love.
Well constructed.
A,A,B,B rhyme scheme in each quatrain throughout the poem
No spelling errors one typo missed the space at “lost,sad”.
No word confusion that I could spot.
Word confusion is, Which witch is which? Some people call that a spelling mistake however the words are spelled correctly, just the wrong word.
Most of the lines have the same meter however the poem still flows quite nicely.
The easiest way to spot meter is to count syllables.
All in all a good poem.
Joe
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/josehflm
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.12 seconds at 10:41am on Nov 23, 2024 via server WEBX2.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
