I liked the story. Very real! Interesting from beginning to end. Not sure where this will fit in but I hope that you will find the right place for it. I would like to read more of your stories.
Loved the Title. The title in of itself was enouph for me to be interested. The beginning was amusing. My interest began to lag with the one syllable conversation. Good idea. Perhaps you could weave something unexpected into this tale.
Just my opinion so take at your own risk. Could you cause Mr. Ace reporter to become flustered? Perhaps this uncomfortable interview causes Mr. Ace reporter to divulge information to Mr, Monosyllibic man. Then he tries to dig himself out but only digs himself deeper. The interview ends with Mr. Ace reporters humiliated retreat.
My first concern was this somehow going to be fun at the expence of Scotty. I was happy it was not. It was a good decription of the overall setting for the story. The story dragged a little bit the explanation of Fall street, Stanley Ave and Hart ave. Just my opinion perhaps you could trim this down somewhat. The story picked up again when you began the story with the Cliff. I enjoyed picturing those going down becomeing air borne.
Tremendous tire screeching, heart in your throat, high peirced screaming type of angle-good lines.
One minor error-Some of the girls rode thier bikes down this section to straighten there hair.-I'm sure you meant their. Good line BTW.
As they pushed thier bike to the top of the hill-I'm sure you meant their.
The story took on suspence with the introduction of Scotty's appearance at the top of the hill. Your decription of him was good. For me I would like more information on his actually ride. What happened how did it happen. Perhaps this part of the story you did not see. Can you make something up? This is the most important part of the story. So it could use some impact.
It also might be a fun exercise to write this piece as you are experiencing it. First person account. Not as a memory from the past. That way you could record more of your thoughts and feelings at the time. Your concern for Scotty and fears.
I thougth the ending was effective.
In my opinion this would work well for a magazine article.
jojocookie
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