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Review by John W Drake Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (2.0)
You write well and should keep at it.

With this story there are some problem, but I am sure you can fix them.

1) The boy should have a name, so should his mother and some of the other charaters.

2) The boy and his mother should speak to each other.

3) The rich man tries to buy the ball but can't. Then he chops down the trees. Does he do this to destroy the creatures' home? If so how does he know about the creature?

4)Don't call you creature a creature tell us what species he is (goblin, elve, or invent a new type) and give him a name. That may help with the title like "The Hobbit"

I am not an expert, but I hope my advise helps.

Keep writing
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