I am already intrigued. This is an exciting but griping story so far. I think the story would be a tad less confusing though if you explained the game kingdoms to the reader. You could also then,if you ever got this published, you would be able to get even more money when you create a game called "Kingdoms!"
great poem, I love the picture you have given us. I also love the fact that you have given the shadow a voice, it gives the poem a bit more meaning. I find I also like that you used thees, thous, and thys. I couldn't possibly in any way find a flaw in this poem.
good story, I like how Gaiala refuses to do violence. See seems to be a very innocent girl. I also think that you did a good job giving each character a very different voice. Only a very good writer can do that. The only complaint I have is that you need to watch your fluency, it's preety good, but has plenty of room for improvements.
good story idea, I like the use of words, It gave me a good picture of what was going on. But let me cut to the chase, the use of the word man has confused me. The author makes it sound like the dragons are human beings, and that's not what they are at all.
this is a great start to a story. With a back ground check about the main character, it gives you a good Idea about who the main character really is. The only complaint I have is that I don't think that the author has given enough information on where the main character is in the story.
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/johndragon
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.07 seconds at 7:18am on Nov 13, 2024 via server WEBX1.
| (4.5)
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
