Mostly the problems I see with it are in some of the word choices. Instead of "crinkled and crumpled" pick one or find a better word and stick with that. Be concise. "Mockingly" should just be "mocking," but maybe the whole construction "In an almost blank manner" isn't working. At least cut the word almost. It's not worth mentioning if it's only "almost." "Flaccid leaves" was an interesting choice, but there wasn't much follow up to that good imagery. Try to carry a theme in imagery for at least a couple observations. I would have enjoyed to see that one carried on a little bit.
If surreal and abstract is your thing, keep it up. I really do like that stuff if the language can persuade me to it.
I'm not a big fan of the sentimental poetry. I like it better if the poem can do something new with the sentiment and illuminate something I've never seen before.
I think to get more interest out of this poem that idea could be explored. Or to get more emotional strength, maybe some stakes could be introduced or something like that.
Or scratch all that and concentrate on giving the form some more work so that it really rolls beautifully off the tongue. Any poem that can do that is good despite what it's about.
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