So far so good. You can certainly write. If I may make some suggestions?
Aside from some minor grammatical errors, the story itself reads quite well. My only real concern involves the pacing. For instance, you have many paragraphs that, honestly, don't add too much to the overall story. It's great that you want to paint a picture for the reader, but leave some things to the imagination.
As it is right now, I found myself almost wanting to skip entire blocks of text just to get to the most interesting events. Always make sure to highlight what's important, and don't be afraid to omit some exposition. Let the reader wonder, and ultimately feel an itching desire to keep reading with hopes that their questions will inevitably be answered. At the end of every chapter, your main characters should be, in some way, worse off than before. It helps to build a level of immersion.
Also, try to ease new characters in relatively gently. There were times that I felt almost rushed into getting to know some of these new people, almost like they just kinda popped up out of nowhere. Nothing wrong with sudden introductions or anything, just try to look at it from your character's perspective. Imagine the story's events, then all of a sudden here comes someone new. Wouldn't they chit chat? Introduce themselves, maybe? Acknowledge physical appearances?
Simple additions and omissions. Easy, in theory. It's a delicate balance though, and finding that perfect ground can be one of the greatest challenges for any good writer.
I like where this is going. I just have one concern so far. You seemed to have established a pretty clear common enemy early on that, more or less, reeks of weakness. He is spoiled, cruel, sleazy, and quite naive. His death looks to be just on the horizon from about three different sources. I just hope that you have an evil much more grand in store for us. I'd hate for Lord Blackstone to die early on with no plan behind the scenes to keep us readers hooked.
You do a great job applying everything that you previously told me about regarding my own story. Everything is essentially grammatically correct. It is a fluid read. The characters are integrated well. The only thing that I'd like to see more of is the development of your main character. I wish he had some more personality. I see him, and can't help but wish that he carried some more spark. As he is right now, he seems to be little more than a tool. A gear on the much bigger divine machine. I'd like to cheer him on, but I just can't.
I admittedly get excited to read about the events with Blackstone more than anything else. Everything about him is wrong, which is why it's so entertaining. People generally like to hate characters they see as taboo. Killing off likable, albeit terrible, characters should really only be done with some solid safety net in development to ensure you never lose the attention of your fans.
I'm not experienced as a writer, but I do read a ton of books. I'd like to see you continue the Hounds of Hell story, and I certainly plan on reading every chapter as it is released. Keep it up!
I like where this is going so far, but I do have some thoughts. To put it simply, I would like to see some more character development and backstory. It is clear that you're essentially shooting for a bit of a, "give a little to make them crave more," strategy, but be careful with it. There is a fine line between tantalizing the reader and disappointing it. Offer more meat without giving the sweet chocolate cake, know what I mean? I want to know more! :) Another thing to watch out for is the use of too many adverbs. I think it was Stevey King who said, "the road to Hell is paved with adverbs." For example, saying, "he stormed off angrily," is entirely unnecessary. One does not need the additional adverb thanks to the proper choice of vocabulary. Storming off would imply anger already, thus making the adverb redundant. Go in, and try to weed out every word ending in the dreaded -ly. I think you'll find your overall piece that much stronger in the end. I myself just recently received this bit of wisdom from a fellow writer here on WDC, and am going through the editing process as well. I'd like to see some more of this story develop so do keep things flowing! Keep writing! -Johnny E.
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