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Review of My New Business  Open in new Window.
Review by Belarune Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is a really great bit of business wisdom. I laughed, I cried, I hope you write a part 2.
A few suggestions:
- Segment the three sections to better separate each business venture.
- Use contractions to make the language more natural.
- Add some sort of context to draw in the reader. For example have the speaker meet the reader in the coffee shop that is about to open.
- try reading this aloud to get a feel for the parts that look okay written but would sound strange aloud. For example:
"More research, and once again I locate an area where I will not have competition" would probably sound more like -
Still more research, and once again I've located an area where I won't have any competition.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!Open in new Window..
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