Hello,
I enjoyed reading it but there are a few areas where there needs a capital letter or it didn't need to be capitalized.
"The bloody days, The weary nights The bloody days, the weary nights
Glass all over the ground
Shops torn to pieces
Our children taken away
OH, what a painful day Either the "OH" should have a ! or just put it as "oh", what a painful day
Let's just hope i can get a peaceful Lets just hope I can get a peaceful night,
Night, now it's midnight I hear people running and screaming Now it's midnight I hear the people running and screaming
"KILL THE JEWS" they come I would move "they come" down to the next line.
Into my house and try to take my five year old son away from me but I would break this line into 2 lines
I cry and beg them not to do it becauseMove because to the next line
He's the only thing left for me
OH, when is this day going to end!" These are just a few suggestions. I know that you probably already turned this assignment in and got a grade for it, but for future purposes you could help this poem and add a lot more to it. I would make it more creative if you used things like the gas chambers and more things that the Nazis did to the Jews during the Holocaust. Like I said in the beginning of this review, I really did enjoy reading this poem. Out of curiousity, what grade did you recieve for this? I hope at least a B+ or higher. Great Job!! Keep up the wonderful writing,
Juelz
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As I was reading through your story I found in this sentence..."You're just jealous cause' you can't keep up!" The apostrophe at the end of cause should be at the beginning of it.
Other than that, I was bored with this. It really didn't keep my attention running on it.
Good luck with the contest!!!
Thank you for entering you story into the Mystic Moon Press Contest!
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As I was reading this I liked it. It is really good. I like how you gave translation throughout your piece. I was just about to ask you what they meant and then when I went to highlight them it gave me the definition! Great job with that.
Good luck with the contest!!
Thank you for entering you story into the Mystic Moon Press Contest!
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I don't even know what to say. I absolutely love the description, everything. I love this story. I have not found any mistakes in this piece. It was written extremely well! You did such a nice job!!
Keep up the great writing!!!
Good luck with contest!!!
Thank you for entering you story into the Mystic Moon Press Contest!
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Hello,
As I was just about to open your story up your caption under your title, you spelt experience like this experiance.
When you do your dialogue you shouldn't use apostrophes, you should use quotation marks.
It was kind of hard for me to stay with the story. I was not hooked on it.
Good luck with the contest!!!
Thank you for entering you story into the Mystic Moon Press Contest!
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As I read this I found very little confusion. But I did find a line that made me laugh.
Okay, this line here...but he assumed it was to save money on overhead--a lot of money on overhead." Can I ask what you are talking about?? I had to stop and read that over like three times and I am not sure what you are trying to say.
I like how you described the tiny woman, in this line...She was a tiny woman, with white fuzzy hair that reminded Josh of a clown. It was a just little too fuzzy for the size of her head."
I liked this story, it was interesting to read.
Good luck with the contest!!
Thank you for entering you story into the Mystic Moon Press Contest!
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I love the detail in this piece. You describe the fish and makes the reader feel as if the fish is our grasp. You did a nice job with the bond between the boys and the grandfather. I have a few suggestions, I would make this piece longer, and I would split up the narrartion and the dialogue.
Good luck with the contest!!
Thank you for entering you story into the Mystic Moon Press Contest!
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As I was reading this piece I found a few mistakes. These are just my suggestions and advice you could take and do as you wish with them.
In this line...other one to the rug and stamped it out...it should be stomped not stamped.
I was sure if in this line...the dank jungle on all sides ....it was suppossed to be dank or was it dark that was meant??
In this line I think it would be better ( Andrew shook his head up and down.) If Andrew nodded his head up and down. Because usually it's he/she shook her head from side to side (for no).
I kind of like this story, it was interesting.
Good luck with the contest!!
Thank you for entering you story into the Mystic Moon Press Contest!
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Hello,
As I read this I was not hooked right away.
There isn't much dialogue and sometimes that makes the story interesting.
But I was bored with this.
Okay, you have a lot of detail. I thought I was about to throw up! Lol.
Good luck with the contest!!!!!
Thank you for entering you story into the Mystic Moon Press Contest!
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I liked this story a lot. I didn't find any mistakes to make note of.
I could feel David's pain from him loss and sorrow. I understand why he is so angry and upset, because no one cares. But he could have made better choices than to use that gun. I feel bad for his friends for having to tell the officers on their friend, well they really wouldn't feel bad considering he took the wrong route, I really wouldn't feel bad. I would have to say something too.
Good Luck with the contest!!
Thank you for entering you story into the Mystic Moon Press Contest!
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As I was reading your story, I found with this sentence I wasn't sure if you were making it a new paragraph or if it was just a spacing error..." Zach stared at where she was for a moment,"
I don't like the centering you've done. I think that you should divide up you paragaphs and dialogue and narration.
Other than that, I am bored with this. It's okay, but I am just so bored.
Good Luck with the contest!!
Thank you for entering you story into the Mystic Moon Press Contest!
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Hello,
WOW! This piece is amazing. I like how you put in there the things that you remember what your mother taught you how to do. That just made the piece stronger.
That is very good of you to be there and help your mom now that she is getting older and really needs you now. If I was your mother I would be glad to be your mother, for all that you do for her.
I found one error in the entire piece. It is a minor one, very easily to be fixed "You've taught me so many cool things"...this is how it should be...You've taught me so many cool things. Other than that your piece was very good!!!!
Great Job!! Keep up the wonderful writing,
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Hello,
Your dream is so very great! Those children need to be cured of cancer, no more suffering or worrying. The world needs to come to a end with its wars and start over with peace. Yes thoshe leaders need to really think before they just go and do.
This piece is very well written. Nothing to pin point out that needs fixing or rewording. Great Job!! Keep up the wonderful writing,
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Hello,
Ann,
If there was a higher rating than a 5.0 I would give it to you. I enjoyed the audio...it was great. I followed along with the lyrics and I just loved all of it. I agree with the song. The world just needs to come to a peace and stop all the wars. So what if we are different we are all human! It shouldn't be this way. Great job with this. Hopefully this war and any others with cease with peace. Great Job!! Keep up the wonderful writing,
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Hello, I noticed your poem on the shameless plug page. This is great! I liked this poem a lot. Keep up the great writing! Thank you for sharing your work with WDC!!!
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Hello, I noticed your piece on the shameless plug page. Wow, this was DEEP. You must have been deeply in love with him to do that to him. I can feel the anger and rage you are feeling in this poem. You did excellent work with this piece! Keep up the great writing! Thank you for sharing this with WDC!!
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Hello, I noticed this piece on the shameless plug page. Wow, this is definitely different. But it is funny. I liked it. Great imagination! Thank you for sharing this with wdc! Keep up the great writing!
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Hello, I noticed your work ont he shameless plug page. This is great! I loved the part where you said While modern society wears a mask,Earth burns on a disagreeable task. That is great. Thank you for sharing this with WDC! Keep up the great writing.
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Hello, I noticed your piece on the shameless plug page, and I was interested. Wow, I liked this poem. I have a question, why did you call it meaningless love? Well, this is great work. Thank you for sharing this with wdc! Great Job!! Keep up the wonderful writing,
Your friend on WDC,
JUELZ
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Hello, I noticed your piece on the shameless plug page and I was interested. Wow, when I read this I got cold chills. This is great work here. Nice job with this piece. Your wording is just so great. Well keep up with the great writing!!! Thank you for sharing this with WDC!
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I wish you the greatest luck! I hope you win this fight. You are right it is for honour, morality and right. Have faith, and courage you will win this fight, don't you give up!
This poem I really like because it shows your inner strength and you are telling these people that you are going to still, keep fighting for what you believe is right!!!! I really do again, hope and pray you win!
Keep Writing!!
Juelz
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Hey Ann,
Wow, why did you write such a deep, heartfelt poem? I felt every pain those people had to go through because they were gay. God loves everyone. No matter what, even if you are purple, orange, green or even gay. It doesn't make a difference. But this is my opinion, you don't have to agree with it, in fact no one has to. It is just what I believe. So keep up the GREAT writing. Thank you for sharing this piece with WDC!
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Hey Auld~ Lexi~ Syne,
I love how you start all your folders off with a famous poet!! Just job. This poem was very deep. Your emotion hear of being captive. Not letting your mind free. Everything is broken as it sounds. But good job. I found nothing wrong with this work. Keep up the great writing!!
This is great!! There is nothing wrong with this poem. I am left out of things to say...you really are a very good, great poet/writer!!
Keep up the great work!!
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Thank you for sharing this with WDC! Keep up the great writing.