I thought the story itself had promise. Note the 'story' has promise, unless you fall under the overused cliche's of our modern vampire literary distopia that so many ill-fated writers have fallen into. If you are serious about writing, I suggest reading over your work after the entire thing is done and finished, wait about three weeks and read it again, that is when you would revise it. There were numerous misspellings and the grammar needs a little work. Note* paragraphs are your friend.
All of this aside (trust me, I am absolutely not immune to mistakes in my own stories, and I hate giving reviews that are less than praising), I think you did a good job at portraying emotion through the words. Thank you for letting me in your mind for a little bit.
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