A good representation of a night out, you give a lot of description in few words. The only thing I might change is the title, it represents any kind of bar or night out in general and I don't feel that you have to narrow it down to just a Hookah experience.
This was fun read, the dialog between God and the main character was humorous and thought provoking.
I kind of felt the narration and the dialog itself was a little redundant. You are having the "narrator" speak to the main character and then you have actual dialog with the main character and that makes the story feel a little choppy.
Other than that though, you really have to have a strong concept of what your beliefs are if you are going to make God as your main character and you seem to, so having God as the main character does work within the context of the story and like I said earlier the dialog is very enjoyable to read.
You do a good a good job expressing your feelings through language. I, personally don't like the subheadings as it kind of distracts the reader from the writing itself although that's more of a personal preference.
If you do more showing than telling I will feel more emotion in this story, although I did experience your feeling throughout this story. Keep writing though, expression emotion through words is what writing is all about and you obviously can do that well.
I really like the way you lay out the scene at the beginning of the story. You have a good sense of scene. I also think you have a very good character in Esmeralda. You do a good job of creating depth within her and vulnerability.
I would have enjoyed getting to know Peter a bit more. You don't want to focus on him too much because Esmeralda is your main character after all but I would like to see why he would be interested in her. I can definitely see why she would love him but without know why he loves her the chemistry between the characters lags a bit and that can harm the climatic in when each character expresses their love for each other.
Like I said before I think you have a good sense of detail and if you put a little work into Peter's character you can make a good story into an excellent one.
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