You almost expect the narrator to give in due to the drowning traits inherited by the father - However, he perseveres and will soldier on, doing anything to stay afloat and still be able to glance at their mirror reflection.
This is very inspiring in it's thoughts - I identified with the narrator in the sense that the biggest oppressor we sometimes face is our own mind or conscience - whatever one wishes to refer to that inner voice within us all - it can either drive us to success or, in the case of an individual who has heard negative things most of their life hurled in their direction, or become our greatest destroyer of dreams, desire, past wants or needs - leaving us paralysed by fear and self loathing.
I wish the narrator and his / her inner voice well and know they will succeed.
Just a few that came to mind - not very good but there they are
Very vividly written - I had a brother who fought his own battle with heroin and in the end lost - I sort of related to the gentleman in the story in a way.
And I want to tell Emma to come and live with me!!
Short, I want more..."pouts"
Ok in all seriousness - this is an unfortunate reality that faces some girls and you have painted this girl's story very well....But please write on - I would like the opportunity to see how she copes and if she manages...
A beautiful message contained herein to "keep the faith" - Not always easily done, for as we lock away faith and hide the key, so to do we lock ourselves away, our hearts and souls - to prevent them from being burnt, ripped to shreds.....
This is an elegant encouragement to your reader to keep believing, that it does get better, that life has a good side to it to.
To live, truly live, love and experience this short fleeting moment we humans refer to as life is all anyone can really hope for their time on this earth - Sometimes we are given that second chance to realise that we have not lived at all.....
This drives that lesson home so so very well - I enjoyed this, thanks.
Is there more to this story that you can perhaps tell?
Another person / woman who got on with her life and before realizing it - stopped, took a look back and came to the decision that she / he has not lived the life they set out to do.
Instead, in their opinion, they settled for the normal, safe, morally correct and mundane existence of the suburban resident.
This is fine for others, but being a dreamer - someone who thinks they are worth more - this can be soul crushing.
Well written - thanks sharing...I do not know if anything I said above makes any sense.
I liked this, and now i am going to pout until I get to read more......
In all seriousness though - You definitely have something here, I hope you are continuing this story as there are so many ways and scenarios you could veer to.
This chapter has a nice and easy reading rhythm to it which is something, I for one always appreciate in a book or story when I am reading. (And I read. Like a LOT)
Nicely started - I now await the rest of this tale with baited breath.....
This is an excellent portrayal of a person's feelings when they reach the point where they feel they just cannot any longer - what I liked most about this piece was the ending:
"The reason why I just
Cannot give up yet
I haven't finished my mission
What I was put here to do
I haven't changed the world
Like I've always wanted to..."
Simple yet very profound words.
Well done and thank you for the brave write - it is always most difficult to put this type of state of mind into words without coming across as dark and depressed.
Keep writing and take care.
PS. I hope you are at that point where you find yourself able to continue to carry out your mission - whatever that may be.
Short, to the point, yet hits home with the age old conundrum of whether or not it is wise to cross the friendship boundary to explore something more.....
A tricky situation at the best of times.
Hopefully the narrator can salvage the friendship - I am holding fingers they do!
A gripping tale with a twist. I enjoyed this and the imagery which you pain with your words - well I'll say it again - Gripping. thanks for the story and this is a well worth it read!
When someone reaches the point where they feel deep within themselves that they are not worthy of being loved, or they just do not look at themselves as a person any more, this person has truly hit rock bottom. They feel nothing for who or what they are.
For an individual to get to this point where they just see misery, where everything is black - dark, they had to have been through something or a few somethings much to painful, so much so that those of us on the outside looking in will never understand.
It is so very hard to guide this person back to their former selves, so difficult to get them to see that there is more to them, more to life than what they see through their very jaded and bitter eyes.
As much as we try, as much and as deeply as we can love such a person - it is very seldom that a person like this will actually know what they are losing in all there self indulgent misery - they also do not see the hurt they cause those around them, and this is by no means them being cruel - no, they just cannot see anything beyond their hurt, their grief - that they are the cause of their own self destructive patterns.
I do not know if this made any sense - I hope it did.
But this is a very thought provoking piece - thank you for sharing.
I truly enjoyed this, the chance encounter that left you with that warm feeling even after the fact - you took something of that moment with you - as should we all from each and everything we experience, feel and see in our life journey.
I liked your descriptions - I could feel the warmth seeping through the narrator's cold limbs and could again feel the cold once again taking these into it's cold embrace when the narrator move along.
Very descriptive and I like the way you ended off with taking the ember being taken along and still emitting warmth even after being separated from the coals of the fire that created it.
Grief is tough - it comes in so many forms - not just over death, but also loss of one's self.
I hope if this is being written due to personal loss that it has helped you to a point where you never again have to find yourself sitting with your blade in hand.
Much light to you and thank you for this beautifully written piece!
This is a brilliant portrayal of how the outside world views two who are truly in love, so much so that if flows out and over all that surrounds them...
To see this will leave some envious, others will feel that they to are lucky enough to experience this kind of love, yet there will be those few who have not and will not know this kind of love or be able to share in it's truly magestic bounty when it is left to radiate outwards to be shared with the world.
the young worship their own chosen Sporting heroes - aspiring to some day be just like them - the dreams and hopes.
I liked this piece - the promise of fame and success - yet these heroes - some of them ant way have truly worked hard to cement their names in eternal sporting glory.
Thank you - this was different and very enjoyable.
Never a truer word written - regrets are all our pet little cloaks, drawn around us for most things we never did - things we did, but should not have and things said that should never have been spoken to begin with.
Well done, thought provoking and leaves your reader looking back themself saying - "you know - this person is so accurately correct it is actually scary..."
On the surface this is an amusing piece and makes one smile with irony, yet when you really read and take it in - It is exactly what happens!
It is a very good demonstration of the madness and materialism that strikes people when it comes to the festive season and how the rich get richer and the poor well in their bid to "keep up with the next best trend", they just get poorer.
Nice flow, (I will confess to reading this with the First Noel tune in my head, lol) and very thought provoking piece. thank you for sharing!
Perhaps you were having an extra cruddy day when this was written - but wow - you sound like a very angry individual - that is just the norm for the general human population these days i suppose.
From a totally clinical and reviewing this point of view - it is open, raw and honest with an extreme underlying anger colouring the words used. nicely done on that.
Now, on one thing I have to disagree with you when it comes to consolation and what the purpose of this is.
Yes, we all need it!! Are you going to tell a kid, a toddler - life has problems - so your dog died - Deal with it! - Are you going to tell a baby who is crying uncontrollably - life is hard - deal with it!! or are you going to do the thing any sane person would do and try to head off any permanent issues from arising and stepping in to buffer the blow for a weaker soul than yours - one who has not yet developed the tools to "deal with it".
In the same way one person may not want to be placated and comforted with consolation - another does not want to hear the words - "deal with it" or "Life sucks move along" when their world is crumbling around them. Just sometimes these words of consolation are the one thing standing in the way of someone giving up.
Just the thoughts of another ordinary individual - one thing I am going to leave you with though - your write sparked a reaction. you evoke pretty powerful reactions from your readers which at the end of the day, for a writer is a job very well done!!
Keep writing - remember though - words can be pretty destructive weapons - use these with care - Well done on this!
I am glad I read this for it echoes thoughts that often go through my mind to!!
As to the 16 year old girl - my daughter will be 16 next year - this hit home in a big way for the loss of another parent losing their world because of a senseless moment where help was not at hand for this young girl......it leaves me cold just picturing it or thinking on it.
Humanity as a whole has lost it's way, forgotten it's purpose and all in all lost the plot.
People are only to happy to revel in the misery of others'. A fine example is something hurtful said by two individuals in the presence of the intended third target. Destructive whispers, conniving glares and the smug self serving smiles these two displayed at causing another person a minute of hurt which to them will last the minute but to the intended party will haunt for a while yet. Why? How Come? I wish I had the answers to this and so many other questions which plague us all from time to time I'm sure.
Thank you for the wise, though provoking words - maybe if more people could read this and relate the world would be that much less filled with the smug snideness of the self serving mob of individuals.
This story caught hold of my soul and heart with its soft yet capable tendrils of sorrow, hope and possibilities.
The tale of these two women - one bound for her eternal rest, the other attempting to understand why her loved ones entered the eternal rest and she did not - their two paths intersect and though at different places in their journeys, they both have experienced love and loss, happiness and sorrow, wealth and utter desolation of losing it all in a moment.
I loved this and it held me in it's grasp until the very last word was read.
You tell a very powerful story with an excellent use of descriptive words that the reader does not just imagine but actually feels to their very soul - well I do anyway.
Well written, beautifully rendered and elegantly shared!
TO think that this may ring truer than we could possibly imagine......
This was a difference story on the manipulation of genetics - to me what made it difference was it is being told from the point of view of a pre-modified genetically tainted person.
Story nicely told, left me wanting to read further so I hope you are going to continue with this story?
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