I like your rhythm and rhyme scheme. You have an excellent sense of meter. I have little to say in terms of improvement, but I shall continue to follow your work because I have a feeling that with some suggestions you could be even better than you are.
-J.Hewitt
Well written, there is literally nothing I can point out that needs to be improved upon. How long have you been a writer? Because your form is impeccable. Keep writing.
-J.Hewitt
Nicely written, you have clear ideas about where the plot is going and you articulate that knowledge to the reader with a natural ease. I would only make a minor suggestion that you read it out loud to catch areas of the story that could be a bit less flowery; it felt like you may have been a little over-descriptive in some spots. Other than that, you are well on your way to great things. Just keep on writing, and maybe work on revision. Nicely done, keep posting and I will keep reading.
-J.Hewitt
Excellent storytelling, although I feel you could have gone deeper stylistically. The descriptive quality of your work needs a bit of polishing- perhaps some alliteration or metaphorical technique could be employed to accomplish this. Great concept, I like your ideas; Maybe push for more depth of imagery, but overall very good writing.
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