I think you use language well. I can feel how much you feel love for this smile and what it brings to you. The poem reads heavy to me, for my personal taste. I feel like there are too many strong words used to craft something that is trying to describe the simplicity of a gentle smile. Clearly you write well. The emotion is clear, I find the atmosphere a bit heady. :) Hope that's what you were after, and thank you for your help as well. J
"They throw their words without a thought,
words that make my heart distraught.
Like, "You of all people" when they don't know.
But my heart is stilled at your hello. "
I think out of all of the poem, this best illustrates the value one who feels like they are batteling the world places on the one comfortable relationship they have in life.
I'm a very green poet myself, so I enjoyed the simplicity and clarity of this poem. I feel like I was able to pick up and empathize with the sentiments easily. Poetry that I personally enjoy is in a simple style, such as this.
I like it. :)
First of all I will say that this poem was worth both reading and writing, for this alone;
"Her freedom wails and pleasure screams;
her siren’s whispers and moans of love;
her bites and scratches of ecstasy
make her realize a God above."
That is WELL written. Kudo's.
As a woman, and a frequently misbehaving one at that, I find this poem interesting because it does well at digging into the pathology of female insecurity, and you have some really powerful stanzas.
My only criticism has to do with a personal taste. That is to say that I think the "just another stupid whore" repetition isn't working. And I think you likely maybe turn off readers before they have read this, as they assume it's going to be full of harsh language or imagery and it's not. I think as the ending line, it absolutely works and could be no other way. The other instance however isn't as smooth and doesn't work for me, but that's me. This is your poem, you own it clearly, your voice comes through well. I liked it. :)
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