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Review of The beach  Open in new Window.
Review by JessyJ HeyHeyHey Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
This is a nice snapshot of what could be an intresting story. I saw the frightened girl and felt her untrusting pain. At the same time however I felt like our narrator was a talking head. I couldn't tell you if the narrator was male or female. Your descritptions are amazing and beautiful. Your characters could use some dept but as I said before this seems to be a snapshot of a deep story. It could expand both forward and back from this particular point.

Suggestions:

"The broken person stood shattered before me, silently pleading with me, but how could I help her?"

Good Work. Write On!
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