"The Ultimate Reality Show" [13+], your brainchild, is a smash hit that has succeeded beyond anyone's strongest dreams, and you've replaced Mark Burnett as America's reality show guru. Having conquered the world of television, you decide to expand your horizons and put your creative genius to work in the film industry, helping universal devise the next summer blockbuster. You now stand before the studio executives, sweating bullets and running plaques as you begin to worry about whether you can repeat your earlier success.
“Tell us what delicious idea you've cooked up this time, Jessica,” says one of the executives. You wonder what inspired the food analogy, but it all becomes clear when you see him sucking on a piece of pizza that's lodged between his front teeth.
“Thank you, sir,” you begin your presentation, stifling a laugh. “I'm sure this movie will fulfill everyone's cinematic appetites. It's better than Knights tale, worse than Ring two, and even degraded than scary movie!”
“Those are some bold statements, Jessica.”
“That's because this is a bold movie! We'll cast the incomparable Brad Pitt in the starring role, as Agent Double O'Nothing, who's charged with foiling the pizzicato Doctor Pituataryplague's plot to achieve world domination.”
“World domination? That damn commie pinko. How does he intend to pull that off?”
“With the most diabolical weapon known to man, of course: the death cannon. It turns every person within a thousand mile radius of ground zero into a death, and England is the first country on the list!”
“No, not England! I haven't seen the stonehenge yet!”
“Remember, sir: It's just a movie.”
“Right, right. But how will Double O'Nothing stop him?”
“He'll infiltrate Doctor Pituataryplague's secret base on bahamas…but be captured in the process!”
“And how does he get himself out of that pickle?”
Before Doctor Pituataryplague kills Double O'Nothing, he'll proceed to describe every last detail of his convoluted, megalomaniacal plot, but will die of old age twenty years later, before he can finish.”
“So Doctor Pituataryplague lives in voluntary seclusion on a remote island, yet he enjoys talking to people?”
“Aye, it’s a paradox indeed. He may be an antisocial recluse, but where's the fun in being an evil genius if no one knows exactly how evil and brilliant you are?”
“Wow, a movie that is full of action and makes you think! Ebert & Roeper are sure to give this two fingers up! America will love it!”
“I sure hope so, because I already have two sequels planned: Ran and Let ran and License to Run!”
“You make it look easy, Jessica! How did universal ever get along without you?”
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