I like the poem and the memories it can stir up for the reader who can more than likely relate. However, the section that doesn't make sense with your wording to me would be when you say "that flirts don't always make love real". I would change the wording up to build the sentence structure and have it more clear.
Overall, it was great to walk down memory lane.
First off, I'd like to start by saying thank you for posting a poem and putting yourself out there. Takes courage!
I like the poem because of the context and you make it very clear what it is about. Wants vs. needs. I did however, see just a couple of things I would change to make the poem have complete spelling/grammar correct.
1. You have the word I in there a few times without it being capitalized.
2. The 2nd to last line "And when they differ let me choose correct"--I would add a comma after the word differ so it reads like this "And when they differ, let me choose correct"
just a suggestion but it makes the reader take a breath (a pause if you will) kinda of like thinking and then making the choice
Other than that....great poem and good luck on future posts as well!
Great poem! I love the use of punctuation and how the very last sentence leaves the reader wondering what else you may have seen. The rhymes are good but you could also try to use some words that are more shocking then amazing or imagine for example.
WOW! I have not read your work for this yet until this random review. I liked the chapter so much that I will go back and read the previous ones! Great job! Great word structure, sentence structure and use of words! The story totally pulls the reader in and makes them want to continue to find out what happens next.
Ricardo seems like an interesting character but I am intrigued with Maria right now. Great character builds thus far! Can't wait to see what is next.
I like your details on what is going on in the background as the scene is portrayed. However, I would add a little more detail to the expressions on their faces or what the characters are thinking as certain conversations take place.
Wow. The story actually reminded me just from the title how I met a few of my neighbors. The story definitely had a surprising ending!
I have to say though the story didn't really hold my attention or interest me all that well. Maybe because the dialog didn't flow well enough for me. I would suggest to have more of an opening to the story with a time and setting. I really liked your wording. Overall, great effort!
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/jessemadison
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.11 seconds at 12:57pm on Nov 08, 2024 via server WEBX2.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
My review has been submitted for consideration in "