I LOVE IT!!! It could be a book in itself. I look up to you as a writer. Excellent choice of words and your imagery and descriptions are very good. I am so proud of you. Make sure you write on your bio that you are fourteen. You have the potential to be a great writer and I am looking forward to reading more of your work..............Ms. Kung Fu Kayla
The poem blew me away girl. Five stars for you. xoxox
Beautifully tragic. Beautiful descriptive imagery. I could see the whole scene as if I were there imposing on a very delicate and precious personal moment in the womans life. I loved the part she cradles her heart and then again her emotions. It gives me the image of a woman who's arms are wrapped tightly around her with nothing else to hold. How empty and painful.. Great job!! Keep writing. I think many people will be able to relate.
Great imagery....... I feel as if I am watching the whole scene play out. My favorite parts are: wash away that one horrible moment yesterday when you wouldn't even look at me. I think many people can relate to loving someone who either looks at you with hate or doesn't bother to look at all and the lonliness of it. I love the way you have expressed your tears in this line: The rain rains,the night rains,I rain.
Also I think every poet who has ever been in love will relate to this: all my love smeared across paper in ink you'll never read. I thought the whole thing was beautiful and you did a great job.
Keep writing and posting!
I am sorry for your misfortune it's tragic and should never be. This is well written though and has a very good flow. I absolutely love the way you are able to make the change from your father to the monster at different times. I think this part,
When its deed is done
It crawls into Father's bed
It disappears upon the spot
Where Father lays his head
explains it so well. Our parents are suppose to be our protectors and how sad when they become the monsters that we fear.
Great job with this. Keep writing. =)
Wow. I hope this wasn't your experience and if so my heart goes out to you. I lost my baby at a month old and know the pain it holds.
This was very well written and as tragic as it was I thought it was very descriptive. It flowed very well from one verse to the next and I enjoyed reading your work. Great job.
I really enjoyed reading this. It's powerful, descriptive and I felt like I was there. I can see the dock, the lake and relate to the lonliness. It's very well written as I think almost everyone can relate to being here at one point. Great job. Keep writing.
Jennifer
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