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Review Requests: OFF
43 Public Reviews Given
94 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
My review style is pretty simple. Usually by random reviews, I scuff for poetry, articles, short-short stories, or novel scenes, and essays to find what sparks my interest (and sometimes what doesn't). I'm an oldie but newbie on Writing.com; so, I downsized my profile. Poetry, I review within 24 hours. Novel scenes. essays, and articles, within 48 hours Short Stories, within a week at most. If I don't return your review between these times, I will still review and I'll e-mail you my thoughts instead. I'm multitasking, so if I accept your request, be mindful I am reviewing your work. I just want to put extra attention to it throughout the review.
I'm good at...
I do well with focusing on questions such as: Does it make sense? What stuck out? Does it provide a connection with the reader (item depending)? When you request a review, please let me know what you'd like me to look for. I thrive mostly on first appearance, first lines, and how the work is written. My best reviews come from those that are well thought of and presented well for the reader as well as the author.
Favorite Genres
cultural, drama, educational, adult, emotional, fiction, non-fiction, gay/lesbian, genealogy, health, inspirational, philosophy, nature, opinion, personal, research, writing, spiritual, suspense, children, and what falls in between.
Least Favorite Genres
I'm picky with historical fiction stories, and don't care for adventure.
Favorite Item Types
Essays, poetry, articles, prose, novel scenes
I will not review...
Full novels, novelettes, and stories over two pages.
Public Reviews
1
1
Review of Seen  Open in new Window.
Review by Carlita Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Good morning,

Thank you for the short and cute poem. I do think many of us wish to be seen or maybe be special in someone else's eyes from our lovers to are friendly stranger we smile to and he smiles in return. Rarely we meet people who do not want to be special. We do need to be careful not to shine so bright as to blind others to your unique glow.

What I liked about this poem is that it is short and sweet. I like the multimeaning within the poem and it makes me think.

I do havr a small bone to pick at. Did you intentionally meant to use "senn"? If so, unless its a well know word, you can still get away with using two "seens."

Thank you for sharing

Carlita
2
2
Review by Carlita Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)

"Comments and Critiques are meant to improve not replace an author's masterpiece." ~Carlita

Greetings Kat47,

Before I start, let me express what I generally look for when reviewing.

*LeafO* Short stories: I look for good character development more than plot. I believe that good characters can make most plots, even the ones we don't like, an enjoyable read. I also look for the author's style of writing or, in other words, his or her voice.

*LeafY* Poetry and Prose: I look at writing style and even flow (e.g. number of syllabus). Is the poem or prose well rounded (especially the longer poetry)? Does the author use vibrant words or too much vibrant words?

*LeafR* Essays: I look for how the work is presented. What is the theme or the point? Is there a beginning, middle, and end? Are their examples or facts to make the theme clearer?

         Of course, this is not cut and dry. However, with all writing, I look at appearances. If I need to squint to read because of, for example, font size or color, that may influence my overall review. I am not big with correcting grammar and spelling errors unless it takes me away from the content of the writing. I believe the goal of the author's work reflects how much attention he or she puts into writing it.

That being said, on with

The Review*Reading*

First Impression:

I don't know if this is a true story or not, but regardless, I liked how you wrote about your experience and feelings. Although it made my heart drop or stomach, an "aw" escaped my lips too-truthfully. It is sad to hear and watch news like that.

*CoffeeR* Comment:

I wish I was there to help that child and children in those environments and situations. This essay made me wonder how I could help. Do I have a calling to be a missionary? Sometimes helping people in you own hometown is the closest we can do to help others overseas. If this is a true story, did the news say what happened to the little girl? Is she getting any help from someone? Maybe we can say a prayer for her, if you pray.

A good piece of writing lets the readers react in one way or another. I think our best reviews come from how we relate to or don't relate to what we read. I cant relate to the girls situation with the sexual abuse and poverty, but I do know what it means to be poverty in healthy. My case is medical related, and it makes me think about how others appreciate life.

Your writing brought back memories, helps me (and Im sure other readers) remember what they have and not taking it for advantage.

Well done.

*Thumbsup*What I like most and least:*Thumbsdown*
Mind you, the latter is mostly preference than dislike

What I liked most?

I liked how you compared the girl's situation to your own experience and feelings. This is my favorite part:

I can hardly wrap my mind around this horrible thing. At thirteen I was waiting on the newest Beatles album. My boyfriend and I went to parties together and football games. The most stressful thing in my life was whether I had a date.

This expression shows some of us Americans just don't know what's going in in other countries. The above and the paragraph following are good backdrops to the sadness of the situation described.

What I liked least?

The subject--I wish no child is in that situation and environment. They still stone? That shocked me too.

*Cut* Technicalities:

The only thing that stuck out was some transitioning. You start wit talking about the girl in the news and transition well with your story. However, between the fourth and fifth paragraphs need a good transitional verb or clause so that readers know you're going back to talking about the girl. It took me a couple of seconds to realize you're not talking about yourself anymore.

The third to last paragraph, "Earth" doesn't need to be capitalized.

Last Impression:

I like the story structure--"the girl who hates herself" as how can we know by watching the news if we not only feel but write about what and how the girl feels about herself. Nicely done.

I enjoyed the read; off I go to review,

Keep up the good work and thank you for the read,

Carlita*Bird*

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
3
3
Review of The Copper Kettle  Open in new Window.
Review by Carlita Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (3.5)

"Comments and Critiques are meant to improve not replace an author's masterpiece." ~Carlita

Greetings Nfdarbe,

Before I start, let me express what I generally look for when reviewing.

*LeafO* Short stories: I look for good character development more than plot. I believe that good characters can make most plots, even the ones we don't like, an enjoyable read. I also look for the author's style of writing or, in other words, his or her voice.

*LeafY* Poetry and Prose: I look at writing style and even flow (e.g. number of syllabus). Is the poem or prose well rounded (especially the longer poetry)? Does the author use vibrant words or too much vibrant words?

*LeafR* Essays: I look for how the work is presented. What is the theme or the point? Is there a beginning, middle, and end? Are their examples or facts to make the theme clearer?

         Of course, this is not cut and dry. However, with all writing, I look at appearances. If I need to squint to read, because of font size or color, that may influence my overall review. I am not big with correcting grammar and spelling errors unless it takes me away from the content of the writing. I believe the goal of the author's work reflects how much attention he or she puts into writing it.

That being said, on with

The Review*Reading*

First Impression:

Very cute

*CoffeeR* Comment:

When Spock handed the kettle to his mother, there was a tringe in him to return the smile. No, he trained his mind, that is illogical, but Kirk eyed him his eyes contacted his first officer's, but without any mention of it, Kirk nodded and walked to his seat. Swiveling it towards the stars, he said "steady as she goes." Solu complied and Spock back at his station knew he did helped did a good thing, but, unlike his comprades, he'd never admit it.

This is a very good small piece and I enjoyed reading it. I think this would make a very good extension for an actual episode--a pun episode as in the original Star Trek episode "Shore Leave". Shine it up, I think it would look great.

If you want to polish it up, here are some things to keep in mind...


*Thumbsup*What I like most and least:*Thumbsdown*
Mind you, the latter is mostly preference than dislike

What I liked most?

I loved the subject matter. Not only do I enjoy watching the original Star Trek, I love reading it too. James Blish, amongst other writers, wrote a whole series of episodes of Star Trek. Each book holds I think four or five episodes. That's probably good thing to get a hold of...amazon has them, but its hard to find unless maybe at a used book store...anyway, I digressed.

Something else I liked is how you wrapped the whole plot and characterization in one short sweet story line. Nice job.

What I liked least?

Actually there isnt anything I liked least... only some technicalities if you were to do something more with this.

*Cut* Technicalities:

If you wanted to polish it up, there are some elements that may need to be switched or added. For example, at the end, when when Spock hands the kettle to his mother, she thanks him for saving two races from intergalactic wars...yet readers wouldnt know there were wars and between who until the end. Maybe, in the beginning, add why kirk is scavenger hunting

"Well, Spock, there are intergalactical wars afoot.. we must stop them, right?" Spock says, "as you say Captian" and looks to his mother, who, by giving her the kettle, is the key of stoping the wars.


I just made that up, of course...but you kinda see where Im going?

Also, I'd expand on Mudd's goal.. why does he need the salt...why does he need the kettle?

Last Impression:

Of couse, these little tid bits are only if you want to make more from this piece of writing. It looks as if you did it from a contest perhaps, so maybe that didnt quite matter. Regardless, you did a good job with making a whole story into a short little sniplet. It made sense and, as a star trek fan, i loved the read.

Keep up the good work!

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4
4
Review of WDC OBSESSED  Open in new Window.
Review by Carlita Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
Greetings Conniefs,

First, let me start with what I generally look for when reviewing.

Short Stories
Goal: I look for is good character(s) more than plot, an author's writing style/voice (e.g. using words to paint a scene), and appearance (e.g. the layout and font size-so I don't have to squint to read)

Poetry and prose
Goal: I look for is writing style, even flow (e.g. number of syllabus), well rounded (expecially in longer poems) and appearance (the little details other than the poem itself)

Essays
Goal: I look for how the work is presented. What is the theme, and does the author round his points well. If it's short, I look for begining, middle, and conclusion, and the point or theme. Writing style/voice, and appearance.

Also, I'm not big on correcting grammar and spelling errors unless it takes me away from the content of the writing.

That being said, on with...

The Review *Reading*

First Impression: I understand what ya mean about this obsession with writing.com. It feels like I've been here for years and have yet to celebrate my first WDC anniversary

Comment: No matter, let me think...

Writing Style: Simple, nothing fancy, and went with the subject matter

Even Flow: I look at flow at less simple poetry. You have good rhyming consistancy, and, if I'm not mistaken, is this a specific type of poem/form?

Well Rounded: Yes, well rounded.

What I like most and least:
Mind you, the latter is mostly preference than dislike

What I liked most: These lines stuck out and made me chuckle to myself about how true these statements are, well those pertaining to WDC Obsessors. *Smile*

"Sleep? HAH! Who needs it? I say at midnight" and "Excitement runs rampant when I get a review."

What I liked least/technicalities?

"Sleep? HAH! Who needs it? I say at midnight, did you mean 'stay'?
Then back in the morning at my desk I alight." I didn't understand this phrase unless maybe you meant" "Then back in the morning at my desk, I write"?

Last impression: Cute poem

Keep up the good work and thank you for the read,

Carlita *Bird*

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5
5
Review of Cherish  Open in new Window.
Review by Carlita Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings huntersmoon,

First, let me start with what I generally look for when reviewing.

Short Stories
Goal: I look for is good character(s) more than plot, an author's writing style/voice (e.g. using words to paint a scene), and appearance (e.g. the layout and font size-so I don't have to squint to read)

Poetry and prose
Goal: I look for is writing style, even flow (e.g. number of syllabus), well rounded (expecially in longer poems) and appearance (the little details other than the poem itself)

Essays
Goal: I look for how the work is presented. What is the theme, and does the author round his points well. If it's short, I look for begining, middle, and conclusion, and the point or theme. Writing style/voice, and appearance.

Also, I'm not big on correcting grammar and spelling errors unless it takes me away from the content of the writing.

That being said, on with...

The Review *Reading*

First Impression: The first thing I thought before reading the poem was the woman is pretty creepy. Even more so, it went with the poem well and gave it an authentic and visual cue to the poem's theme.

Comment: Very very well written. I'm not very good with writing perfect reviews, but I thought I'd give you a ribbon as a compliment this work of art.

What I like most and least:
Mind you, the later is mostly preference than dislike

What I liked most? Well, let me see. Word choice, excellent. Lines that stook out:

"I saw her outstretched arms, as though in crucifixion,
while her joyful face shone - a study in conviction."

"it came to me that nature was the hope for our rebirth.
I became aware of rhythms, both of comfort and of strife,
each sound a counterpoint in the symphony of life." *red*wow

"Ground to cleanse the water, winds to cleanse the air,
waving fields of sun warmed grasses, deserts that are bare,
flowers of every shape and hue, nothing is redundant,
oceans full of life, its diversity abundant."
*red*Flow is nicely laid here.

What I liked least? What caught me a tiny bit was the second to last stanza. The theme tiltled from the, how do you say, not gothic, but the character's observations and feelings about what he or she sees around him to more of a "cant you see what Im seeing... open up your eyes." My first impression was more philosophical and I started to relate to the character as he or she talked about his or her infactuation (lack of better words) for the sight that person saw in the woods. When I got to "open up -your- eyes" it made me jump back and say, "ooh, Im sorry, I was with you throughout the poem until you told me I wasnt." Takes the reader back outside of the poem.

Suggestions: Actually, nothing. Above is more of a first impression than anything else. I tried to read it without the second to last stanza, but that didn't work well, so its more of the style and word choice that you use I enjoyed because it gave a --gosh, i cant thin of the word right now-- I'll think of it once I press submit.

Last impression: A ribbon is coming your way!

Keep up the good work and thank you for the read,

Carlita *Bird*

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6
6
Review by Carlita Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Greetings, armorbearer

First, let me start with what I generally look for when reviewing.

Short Stories
Goal: I look for is good character(s) more than plot, an author's writing style/voice (e.g. using words to paint a scene), and appearance (e.g. the layout and font size-so I don't have to squint to read)

Poetry and prose
Goal: I look for is writing style, even flow (e.g. number of syllabus), well rounded (especially in longer poems) and appearance (the little details other than the poem itself)

Essays
Goal: I look for how the work is presented. What is the theme, and does the author round his points well. If it's short, I look for beginning, middle, and conclusion, and the point or theme. Writing style/voice, and appearance.

Also, I'm not big on correcting grammar and spelling errors unless it takes me away from the content of the writing.

That being said, on with...

The Review *Reading*

First Impression: Actually, this poem made me think about my opinions about religion, what religion is, and what it is not. It gave me an uneasy feeling to where I didn't want to disprove what this poem says is true; but, I want to say it is a wonderful poem nonetheless.

Comment: I thought it was a wonderful poem because of more than a few reasons:

What I like most and least:
Mind you, the later is mostly preference than dislike

What I liked the most? (Reading it again)

1. I enjoy reading poems about faith. Each poem makes me think of how the author interprets their faith in God (or so have you) and their or the character(s) feelings. The writing style tells alot about the author. For example, how you seperated "But God..." makes me see that regardless of how everyone else thinks about religion you emphasize that God's definition is the right one. It is good that you singled out those two words. It says, "I know what you all believe, but, to tell you strongly but not forcing, God is the ultimate person who makes the decisions of how we should interpret religion. In short, separating but God emphasis that God has the final word.

2. Another good asset to poetry is to have others "feel" something. T.S. Eliot quotes that "genuine poetry can communicate before it is understood." Here is what I feel about religion briefly.

Religion is the practice of spirituality. Without religion, there would be no duties, without duties, we'll have faith with no works. Faith without works is dead faith. (I cant remember the verse *Smile*) For example, attending Church is a religious act. We go to Church to worship. Prayer is a religious act. We speak to God in prayer. Fasting, sacraments, for some confession, for others having to go door to door and spread the word--witnessing--are all, by definition, religious acts. So, I propose that all faiths are considered religions if you practice what you believe.

3. Somerset Maugham says that "the best style is the style you don't notice." I actually didn't notice the, what is it called, aa,bb,aa,bb style until I read it again. I point this out because when you notice style then your mind starts to correct to see if the style is right. It takes away from reading the poem; your poem doesn't do that. Good job!


What I liked least?

Let me think, I'll go with technicalities since I enjoyed reading this poem because of its spiritual content. Since you are using punctuation, there are some commas and periods that are absent, such as: (I am being very very picky)

1. First stanza: You could either put two periods after the last two lines since they both are sentences and captalized. Or, you can put a semicolon after fact and lowercase the people so that second and last line will match and first and third will match.

2. The second stanza will follow the same rules above.

Last impression: This is a nice and simple poem. I enjoyed reading it.

Keep up the good work and thank you for the read,

Carlita *Bird*



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7
7
Review by Carlita Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.0)
Greetings Mccloud9,

First, let me start with what I generally look for when reviewing.

Short Stories
Goal: I look for is good character(s) more than plot, an author's writing style/voice (e.g. using words to paint a scene), and appearance (e.g. the layout and font size-so I don't have to squint to read)

Poetry and prose
Goal: I look for is writing style, even flow (e.g. number of syllabus), well rounded (expecially in longer poems) and appearance (the little details other than the poem itself)

Also, I'm not big on correcting grammar and spelling errors unless it takes me away from the content of the writing.

That being said, on with...

The Review *Reading*

First Impression: Mixed feelings, actually.

Comment: I come from a family where the word slave close if not is a bad word. If I were a slave to Christ, I'd be sad because I have no say so as to why I have a relationship with Him. It is, how do you you say, like puting shackles on the reason why I would love God is that I have the 'ability' to love Him. I choose to make that ability to worth-while to please Him. So, in that sense, God would be my friend and not my master.

What I like most and least:
Mind you, the later is mostly preference than dislike

What I liked most? You have very strong feelings for the subject. The word slave, in how you written it, is not negative in itself. I liked how you explained what the world actually means compared to servant which wasn't used. I can see that, actually. Back then, I don't think many had a "choice" to do what they want--so the word "servant" doesn't really fit in their circumstance.

The subject, the explaination, and your emotions stood out in your writing.

What I liked least? and Technicalities:

I think this goes hand in hand with technicalities. It also depends on if you are expanding this or where to go with it.

Appearance: The font size is hard for me to read. I normally use 3.5, but I think I need eye glasses, so it's no big deal. Also, spacing the scripture so each reference will have a space above and below the text will make it a easier read. Use of quotes are good. For example,

Col. 3:12-14
12 Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, 13 bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. 14And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.

Will look like:

Col. 3:12-14
12 Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, 13 bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. 14And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.


Layout: If this were an essay, then grammar will come into play here. I believe this is more prose, if I'm not mistaken. In prose, sometimes just "geting what you have to say out" is more important than the grammar and spelling. You have no spelling errors, and grammar there are quite a few, but I think this one its you get everything out first and then worry about the nitty gritty details.

Last impression: This subject will make an excellent essay. I like not only your emotions of the word "slave" but a little note of how Satan doesn't deserve "capital letter billing." True and cute. Another subject to think about. How much credit we give satan.

Keep up the good work and thank you for the read,

Carlita *Bird*

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8
8
Review by Carlita Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Greetings oldwarrior,

First, let me start with what I generally look for when reviewing.

Short Stories
Goal: I look for is good character(s) more than plot, an author's writing style/voice (e.g. using words to paint a scene), and appearance (e.g. the layout and font size-so I don't have to squint to read)

Poetry and prose
Goal: I look for is writing style, even flow (e.g. number of syllabus), well rounded (expecially in longer poems) and appearance (the little details other than the poem itself)

Also, I'm not big on correcting grammar and spelling errors unless it takes me away from the content of the writing.

That being said, on with...

The Review *Reading*

First Impression: Cute and made me think of a song I like the like the lyrics of: "What if God where one of us?"

Comment: What if God where one of us? I wonder what my conversation would be like, honestly. Our perceptions are fickled, I give you that. Great way to point out in general how we see each other and how we should see each other.

"I’m not prejudiced," I blurted out.

mhm, that's what everyone says. I don't know if it's just us westerners or people in general, because some cultures really don't judge books by their covers as over here in America. Your story, let me go back to the review, makes me think what can we do to change our perceptions? I like this little scene/story, and you made some humor into it. Good job.


What I like most and least:
Mind you, the later is mostly preference than dislike

What I like most?

The humor in how you peronsified God. How would He talk? I like this phrase (out of many):

"Well, what did you expect?" God asked me, "Gandolf from Lord of the Rings, or perhaps Charlton Heston from Moses?"


That made me laugh. We try to make God so much like us for us to identify with Him. "'I guess that’s how I have envisioned you in my mind"' I replied, with a sheepish grin."

You use good descriptions of each of the people God turns into. Kind of like fliping the lens of one of those toy cameras, each with a different scene to look at. I like how you did the switching and the interaction between the two 'characters'. *Smile*

What I liked least?

Only the font size. Size 3.5 is a good size, but it's only a preference. Since it's meant to be a short piece rating it like a short story would be too much to ask.

Technicalities:

Spelling: None

Grammar: None (Went with the writing style)

Last impression: Good job, funny, and an interesting twist to proove what we should be aware of: our perceptions.


Keep up the good work and thank you for the read,

Carlita *Bird*

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9
9
Review of What to Write  Open in new Window.
Review by Carlita Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings Marzaborskii,

First, let me start with what I generally look for when reviewing.

Short Stories
Goal: I look for is good character(s) more than plot, an author's writing style/voice (e.g. using words to paint a scene), and appearance (e.g. the layout and font size-so I don't have to squint to read)

Poetry and prose
Goal: I look for is writing style, even flow (e.g. number of syllabus), well rounded (expecially in longer poems) and appearance (the little details other than the poem itself)

Also, I'm not big on correcting grammar and spelling errors unless it takes me away from the content of the writing.

That being said, on with...

The Review*Reading*

First Impression: Oh, very nice, very nice

Comment: Great use of imagery, even more so, great use of wording. It is so true, as writers sit we stare at an empty page. I hate it, but wit comes with the job.

What I like most and least:
Mind you, the later is mostly preference than dislike

What I like most? How each stanza you've set up the poem. The first two lines of each stanza have the imagery and the last two lines review to the actual writer. It gives it more of a, while the writer tries to find what to write; meanwhile, "The fiddles play, dancers dance, singers sing," life goes on.

This phrase made me laugh: "While teachers teach and lawyers lie," Most cases that's true. -shrugs- What can I say? I like how you fit that line in without taking away from the fiddles and dancers

What I like least?

To tell you honestly, there's nothing I liked least.

Technicalities:

Spelling: None

Grammar: None

Last impression: Very well written.

Keep up the good work and thank you for the read,

Carlita *Bird*





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10
10
Review of Insommia  Open in new Window.
Review by Carlita Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
Greetings Charlierose,

First, let me start with what I generally look for when reviewing.

Short Stories
Goal: I look for is good character(s) more than plot, an author's writing style/voice (e.g. using words to paint a scene), and appearance (e.g. the layout and font size-so I don't have to squint to read)

Poetry and prose
Goal: I look for is writing style, even flow, well rounded (expecially in longer poems) and appearance (the little details other than the poem itself)

Also, I'm not big on correcting grammar and spelling errors unless it takes me away from the content of the writing.

That being said, on with...

The Review *Reading*

First Impression: Cute

Comment: Cute because of how you wrote it. The thinner the poem, I guess you can say, the cuter it is. "Sweetheart poem" I call it. Why? When I read it out loud, it, how do you say, it's like choking up tears as you speak. Stuttering heart felt tears and pain that just can't get out full sentences.

What I like most and least:
Mind you, the later is mostly preference than dislike

Some phrases stood out, actually the whole last stanza stood out. Specificly,

"Convincing

myself

the impossibility

that I

could be

the girl

of your

fantasy

world."

What I liked least?
Preference mostly

I actually don't care for short two to three lined long poems. However, this one seems to be choked out from tears of pain; so, in exception, it makes the poem a good read when the reader can hear the choppiness of your voice--experiencing the pain as well by the way you phrased you words.

Technicalities:

There are a few pro quoes, of course. Depending on where you go with this poem depends on whether or not to take this advice into consideration.

1. First stanza, (I'm being extra picky), am should be a.m. and "thick baig blanket." should be "thick bag blanket"

2. I like how you ask the questions: Is he okay? is he safe? Is he alone? the I in is should be capitalized.

3. No grammar errors. Everything else works well with the poem's meaning, way of expression, and wording.


Last impression: Well written for a 2 a.m. poem! I'll be reading more of your poems.

Keep up the good work and thank you for the read!

Carlita *Bird*

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Review of Bent Trees  Open in new Window.
Review by Carlita Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
First Impression: Very very impressive, for lack of better words.

Comment: I like the way you designed the poem, that caught my eye at first. I normallydo not read long poems, but this caught me because of the use of words and imargery.

What I liked best? The third stanza that sticks out, and this line expecially, "are evident as I pay homage with my tears.." Of course, it has to go with the rest of the stanza, but lines sometimes catch my eyes too.

What I liked least? Is more of a preference than something need to be fixed. I read mostly short poems, so reading poems long like this isn't common unless, like this, it catches my eye with a message, good imagery, first impression, and style.

With that been said, I enjoyed reading your poem, and will be reading more of your works,

Thank you for the read,

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Review of Death as Dynamite  Open in new Window.
Review by Carlita Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)

First Impression: Interesting metaphor with birth and death.

My comment: Funny that you made this poem, because it's true the dynamite we carry is ticking away as I think of it. I had a dream which seemed to mickic your poem that I had a dynamite attatch to my heart. If I moved or made any big movements (put myself at risk, I guess you can say), I thought I'd blow up. Then I realize after waking that I would blow up anyway... so it comes to our preocupation of when the timer will go off and what will happen thereafter.

What I liked most...I like how you create a, for lack of better words, story from birth to death of how the dynamite we carry affects us. Each stanza's first and second line has a good progression from birth to death and its relation to the dynamite we carry.

What I liked the least...I think most of the time what we like least is more of our preference in what we like to read rather than the work itself. i don't read too much of long poetry, and those that I do read, in my opinion, it's seems harder for the author to round the poem than in a shorter one. That being said, I think the style of your writing is perfect for the poem, and when I read it the rythme is a tiny bit shaky. I'm used to the short, flowing poetry; so, reading a variety of poetic styles will take a bit of getting used to.

Suggestions: None. Above are just opinion, your poem is well written.

Technicalities:

Spelling and grammar: perfect

Over all...I like your metaphors, I like the philosophy and comparison, and you write well.

Thank you for the read,

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Review of Sitting in Heaven  Open in new Window.
Review by Carlita Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)

Sitting in Heaven Looking Down actually surprised me as well as sparked my interest. Af first, it gave a sense of a child talking through an adult's voice, sprouting poetry. The second paragraph, third stanza, though, came abrumpt. "You will play with Jesus too." From the outside, it did not seem as if Jesus would appear in the poem--thus, given it its surprising appeal. On the other hand, the title and begining clashed and the surprise was not well, how would I say, rounded. I read it out loud as well as in my head, and the rythme is not the traditional you'd see in elementary school, for instance. It was a simple read and clear cut. I liked most the peek a boo. I haven't heard that game in awhile, and that made me smile.

Keep up the good work; as always, practice and writing are the best advices another writer can give,

Carltia
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