Before I start, let me express what I generally look for when reviewing.
Short stories: I look for good character development more than plot. I believe that good characters can make most plots, even the ones we don't like, an enjoyable read. I also look for the author's style of writing or, in other words, his or her voice.
Poetry and Prose: I look at writing style and even flow (e.g. number of syllabus). Is the poem or prose well rounded (especially the longer poetry)? Does the author use vibrant words or too much vibrant words?
Essays: I look for how the work is presented. What is the theme or the point? Is there a beginning, middle, and end? Are their examples or facts to make the theme clearer?
Of course, this is not cut and dry. However, with all writing, I look at appearances. If I need to squint to read because of, for example, font size or color, that may influence my overall review. I am not big with correcting grammar and spelling errors unless it takes me away from the content of the writing. I believe the goal of the author's work reflects how much attention he or she puts into writing it.
That being said, on with
The Review
First Impression:
I don't know if this is a true story or not, but regardless, I liked how you wrote about your experience and feelings. Although it made my heart drop or stomach, an "aw" escaped my lips too-truthfully. It is sad to hear and watch news like that.
Comment:
I wish I was there to help that child and children in those environments and situations. This essay made me wonder how I could help. Do I have a calling to be a missionary? Sometimes helping people in you own hometown is the closest we can do to help others overseas. If this is a true story, did the news say what happened to the little girl? Is she getting any help from someone? Maybe we can say a prayer for her, if you pray.
A good piece of writing lets the readers react in one way or another. I think our best reviews come from how we relate to or don't relate to what we read. I cant relate to the girls situation with the sexual abuse and poverty, but I do know what it means to be poverty in healthy. My case is medical related, and it makes me think about how others appreciate life.
Your writing brought back memories, helps me (and Im sure other readers) remember what they have and not taking it for advantage.
Well done.
What I like most and least:
Mind you, the latter is mostly preference than dislike
What I liked most?
I liked how you compared the girl's situation to your own experience and feelings. This is my favorite part:
I can hardly wrap my mind around this horrible thing. At thirteen I was waiting on the newest Beatles album. My boyfriend and I went to parties together and football games. The most stressful thing in my life was whether I had a date.
This expression shows some of us Americans just don't know what's going in in other countries. The above and the paragraph following are good backdrops to the sadness of the situation described.
What I liked least?
The subject--I wish no child is in that situation and environment. They still stone? That shocked me too.
Technicalities:
The only thing that stuck out was some transitioning. You start wit talking about the girl in the news and transition well with your story. However, between the fourth and fifth paragraphs need a good transitional verb or clause so that readers know you're going back to talking about the girl. It took me a couple of seconds to realize you're not talking about yourself anymore.
The third to last paragraph, "Earth" doesn't need to be capitalized.
Last Impression:
I like the story structure--"the girl who hates herself" as how can we know by watching the news if we not only feel but write about what and how the girl feels about herself. Nicely done.
I enjoyed the read; off I go to review,
Keep up the good work and thank you for the read,
Carlita
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