well, I enjoyed reading this Dear Me letter. I will be writing my own before the deadline and it gave me food for thought. I like how you tied last year's goals to this year's goals and noted what seems doable and what is more aspirational. I also like the slightly snarky tone of it all. It is somewhat inspiring that you have so many goals and yet seem to be coping with them all. I am impressed. Writing a novel and getting it published is a big goal. I have several unpublished novels I hope to get published someday but someday is receding as I get older. Good luck.
a nice quick meta poem about writing poetry using the Naani form. Nicely done captures the mood and spirit of the Naani poetic form which is very similar to Haiku/Senryu and Cherita forms - short terse commentaries on life, nature and human experience.
this is an immensely powerful and moving reflection on Time. It indeed marches on and no one can stop the passage of time. The only minor quibble is using the non-inclusive word men in the line "Men cannot stop it".
substituting "no one" would be more gender inclusive and not alter the meaning of the poem at all. Just a suggestion.
a short and very apt poem about broken promises, made in a romantic relationship. It is so easy to be consumed with anger and despair in romantic relationships if the relationship does not work out. I like the way you ended this poem. Well done.
I liked this take on the cinquain form.
Leporidae lovin'
Racing
from bush to bush
pursuing a partner,
twists and turns entice and evade -
rabbits
You started out one way and ended in another way which I can relate to as that is how I roll as well. You hint in the first two lines that the poem is about some sort of animal that is searching for love and a partner.
I like the line. "
twists and turns entice and evade"
you skillfully use double alliteration to drive the poem forward.
And you also use alliteration in the title which sort of hints you are talking about rabbits, and in the end, indeed we find you are talking about rabbits.
I also like the use of alliteration across the first and last line. That was skillfully done as well = racing…..rabbits is a nice image. I might have gone with jumping rabbits but this works well too.
One of the things about rabbits that this poem alludes to is how prolific they are in searching and finding potential mates. Rabbits give birth to multiple litters throughout the year as part of their evolutionary strategy of having lots of babies since so many creatures love to eat rabbits. Coyotes, foxes, feral cats, feral dogs, all love their fresh rabbit meat. And in olden times humans hunted rabbits for both food and fur. So, the life of a rabbit is short and many die during the course of their summer time blues. That would be a nice companion poem. I think.
I liked this haiku. the words are evocative. i like the words Crystal balls, target lace, and cool misty morning. If I were to write this I would replace the word target lace with target face to make it a bit more icky since you are writing about a spider after all
like both poems. the images are clear and vivid and conveys the emotional intensity of the writer as she surveys her all too perfectly clean kitchen. I liked the first one a bit more - liked the line about it being to sterile for yogurt.
good beginning draws you into the story. You want to read more of the story. I liked how it flows. Some interesting concepts explored. Good first draft.
loved it. I am a writer of romantic love poems and I can appreciate this poem very well, almost as if I wrote it myself.
The taste of her fine and excellent cooking,
And the sharing of her dreams, passions, and desires with me –
A deep, unwavering concern for my health and well-being,
And a triumphant legacy of love.
the first line might work better if you gave an example of her cooking evoking the flavors the smells and the taste
the second line could be expanded a bit to explore her dreams, passions and desires
I am not at all religious, actually pretty much an atheist but I get the command to be "be still and know that I am God". the first part speaks to calming one's mind, the second to trusting in God and that God is there. I have had a few experiences in my life where I felt in touch with the divine so I don't dismiss the possibility that there may be a God. In any event, good to focus on the lesser commands in the Bible.
well done. I am not a big fan of formal verse, but you did a pretty good job sustaining the form, and telling the story. I liked the last verse the best. Not sure I got the reference to ash breeze. is that a nautical term?
When your arms grow heavy
And tired from rowing;
If its been winter for years,
But still it keeps snowing,
When the waves rise around you,
Terrible demons of dreams,
You must stay by the oars,
And sail by ash breeze.
liked this stanza the best. LIke the phrase, terrible demons of dreams fits the overall mood of the poem.
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