Plot and/or Structure:
This was a good opening for a novel. You successfully introduced the main character, told a good deal about her as a person, and hinted at some drama to come.
Style and/or Rhythm:
You have a nice writing style I didn't see any sentences that were poorly worded, nothing that caused my eyes to stumble over an awkward phrase.
Areas for Improvement:
None.
My Overall Thoughts:
I liked this opening quite a bit. I'm gaining familiarity with pinoy culture and the parts where you discuss the idea of Asian beauty vs European beauty was particularly resonant.
Plot and/or Structure:
Well constructed timeline; an entire day told in fewer than 800 words.
Style and/or Rhythm:
You have a very simple style which reads easily.
Areas for Improvement:
None.
My Overall Thoughts:
This was a nice short work about a childhood celebration which most everyone in this nation can remember in some fashion. Your depiction of small town America parades and fireworks reminds me of my own experiences on this holiday. Thanks for sharing.
I also have received a few anonymous reviews which I felt were quite cowardly. One went so far as to give me a 1.5 for an otherwise highly rated story, only saying that they wanted to read and review it but for the 'ugly' language. I had one curse word.
I'm not sure the purpose of offering the anonymous option for reviews. I'd love to hear a justification for continuing to allow it on the site.
All right, I'm better now. Thanks for letting me get that off my chest, Phew!
Spelling and Punctuation: I pull into the hospital parking and finds the closest space--find, no s.
A look of fear crossed the nurses fear as she returned to her reading materials--I think it should be face, unless I misunderstood.
bleach blond bimbo--blonde.
"My cell mate made her bitch last night."--made me her bitch, right?
"Hey, going out tonight?" Kimberly's voice was bubbly as every, fizzing through the phone. --ever.
Plot and/or Structure:
You developed the characters well, created conflict in her life, and hinted at more to come.
Style and/or Rhythm: My patience was threadbare--Such a simple metaphor, but still so unique.
The reason James couldn't drive to pick up their father--Change this to 'our father' or something similarly first-person.
He was well weighted down with fat and hypocrisy.--It almost makes me jealous how good this imagery is.
Areas for Improvement:
Nothing more than the minor things above.
My Overall Thoughts:
I first read your short works,which are sadly not posted here anymore, two years ago. I fell in love with your writing then. I'm still a fan. I'll be reading the rest of this book-in-progress. I can't believe you haven't gotten more recognition on this site. Anyone who passes your portfolio is making a big mistake. Any chance you'd put a few of your older works back?
So I'm not a poet, nor a poetry connoisseur, but I really liked this. Maybe it's because I can see the message, feel the emotion, relate to your words. I've always thought that's what poetry's all about.
I see that you've had some low ratings on this. I disagree, but I'm no expert. I liked how you ended the poem with a strong theme you had already shown. The emotions were very real, telling me that this must be something you have felt very recently. Pain is the catalyst of creativity.
Spelling and Punctuation: Occasionally he would see her glance around at neighboring tables--Put a comma after occasionally.
Plot and/or Structure:
I liked how the story developed. You built the tension well.
Style and/or Rhythm:
Though I'm not a fan of telling a story in the past-tense, you made it work for me.
Areas for Improvement:
I feel like this could've been developed a bit more. I liked how you let the song tell the major points of the story, but maybe a little more detail could make this sing.
My Overall Thoughts:
I think this is a good story; unique in its telling, tragic in its content, and perfectly relatable to anyone who's suffered a lost love.
Style and/or Rhythm:
Well done here. This flowed well, not dragging anywhere.
Areas for Improvement:
None.
My Overall Thoughts:
I enjoyed this reflective piece about small-town childhood. I also had a small-town childhood so this had a particular relevance for me. Thanks for sharing this part of your life.
You're my girlfriend, so I couldn't give this a five. That would be too easy, plus I know this is about me.
I'm so glad you finally stepped out on the ledge and posted a poem here. I've always told you that you have a gift. Get over your fear of critique and put more of our beautiful poems in your portfolio for the rest of this community to see. I don't think you'll be sorry.
You're talented. Don't be afraid of criticism. We all have to thicken our skin. I love you.
Spelling and Punctuation:
In the first verse, you don't need to capitalize intentions. You also omitted the ed from learn.
In the second verse, you again omit the ed form learn, and use these things instead of this things.
In the third verse, you forgot to capitalize I. Change awaited to awaiting, ran to run, and add an apostrophe to whats so it reads what's.
Plot and/or Structure:
I liked how this poem fit together. You progress from questioning your actions to questioning your own happiness.
Style and/or Rhythm:
No problems here.
Areas for Improvement:
Only the spelling and punctuation issues.
My Overall Thoughts:
I liked this poem. I think it's extremely good for a first piece. Keep up the good work. I look forward to reading more of your writing.
My Overall Thoughts:
I really enjoyed this short poem. I failed to read the genre before I started reading, and was pleasantly surprised by the ending. I had assumed throughout that this was someone pining for a lost love. Well done.
This is truly awful writing; worse then that time I was tricked into reading James Patterson. What I just endured to write this review was so painful I felt compelled to give you five stars and say that I think you should've won that bad writing contest. Great job on this-God, I can't even believe I'm saying this.
I'm going to include this on the public reviews page. Let's see if I get banned form the site for harassment.
Spelling and Punctuation: That same nightmare - again! --I think a period would work better than a hyphen here. but she could not seem to get rid of the fear - no panic - that it brought.--Try using a comma after no to create the pause you're looking for.
Plot and/or Structure:
Well-paced. You let the story develop just enough, the tension build to just the right pitch, before the climax.
Style and/or Rhythm:
I think you overuse the hyphen a bit. Try replacing it with other punctuations so it doesn't dominate the page.
Areas for Improvement:
Only the punctuation issue I already mentioned.
My Overall Thoughts:
This was a fun read; fun in the way a scary movie can be fun. I found myself leaning forward in my chair as the summer days past, knowing all the time that tragedy was coming, but not knowing when. Good job.
Spelling and Punctuation: Each year I am required to feed upon the spirit of a stranger and frighten him into madness or, death.--No comma is needed before death.
Plot and/or Structure:
Fast-paced; well done.
Style and/or Rhythm:
I liked the casual tone you used with phrases such as: Here comes the good part.
Areas for Improvement:
You tense shift a few times through the story. I think focusing on a present-tense wording for this story would add to the immediacy.
My Overall Thoughts:
This was surprising. Very short, nothing extraneous, and a nice twist at the end. Good job.
Hello girl. I found your story on Paleon's review forum. I'll go through the technical points first then give you a summarization of my thoughts. Here goes:
Spelling and Punctuation:
Nothing I could find except the use of secretarie which I assume must be a British spelling.
Plot and/or Structure:
I feel like this could use some work; I'll explain later.
Style and/or Rhythm:
You used a few literary tricks I'm very fond of, such as the repetition of words or phrases; like this one: Dozens of sheets. Hundreds of words. Thousands of symbols. Symbols of life, love, passion.. Followed by: Dozen of sheets.
Hundreds of words.
Thousands of symbols.
Symbols of pain, lies, betrayal.
I liked the slight change you made to show Annie's new reality.
Areas for Improvement:
The plot was thin, almost rushed. At least that's how it felt to me. I think you could give this story more body by filling out her memories just a bit more. When she remembers what a wonderful man Michael is, how sensitive and loving he can be, add a small anecdote or flashback to support it, then it becomes more than just a few words on the page, but memories.
My Overall Thoughts:
My final impression with this story is that I liked it. I'm fond of the word play you used, and I'm a huge fan of the emotional twist. It's a technique I use myself. I liked the way you cut between his words on the page and her words of dialogue. The only thing I could say as a negative would be what I already said in the previous section. Great job and keep writing.
I really enjoyed reading this exshaustive history lesson on a small New England town which was more vital than any of us knew in our nations early history. The number of important historical events which happened in this town is really amazing.
To answer your earlier question, I don't think todays high school students are required to compile nearly as much information for their senior projects. Well done and thanks for sharing.
It is so erie to read these entries in reverse order, alomst like watching a movie in reverse, wanting to tell the charchters to watch out, to forewarn them of the perils rapidly approaching. I've read quite a bit of your poetry and songs here on WDC. This is a nice way to get to kow the you behind your words. You;ve inspired me to maybe think about someday possibly starting a blog of my own and let the community know me a bit better. Thanks.
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