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Review of The Fun House  Open in new Window.
Review by J. D. Whyle Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Tom,

First of all, I enjoyed your story. It was overall well written. I got a pretty good sense of the characters. One thing that kind of threw me at the end, however, was the line about having planned on marrying Becky and having Johnny as the best man. I like the idea but I feel like it came out of nowhere at the end. Perhaps, you could mention it in the beginning somehow, and come back to it in the ending. Also, if it were my story, I might add the "If you tell, you'll go to Hell," line as he's running out, and then again as you did at the end.

Like I said, though, I enjoyed it. Thanks for sharing.

Jay


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