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Review by Jaye P. Marshall Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in the Short Stories Newsletter dated February 17 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is a beautiful little story where you've done a good job of showing the association of a particular possession and the special person to whom it belonged. A nice piece of nostalgia. Good job.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ and she had brought this pitcher with her when she immigrated to here. '
Suggest: and she had brought this pitcher with her when she immigrated here.


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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Review by Jaye P. Marshall Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in the Short Stories Newsletter dated February 17 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is very well-plotted story where youi have done an excellent job of establishing and maintaining your main character throughout. Very well done.

Grammar & Punctuation: Suggest hyphenating compound adjectives, i.e., when two or more words are combined to describe a noun.

Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ "Yes, officer Smith, '
Suggest: "Yes, Officer Smith,

In this phrase, ‘ I'm looking into to the wrong person's business. '
Suggest: I'm looking into the wrong person's business.

In this phrase, ‘ It's not a full time position, '
Suggest: It's not a full-time position,

In this phrase, ‘ "Estelle drop the gun, '
Suggest: "Estelle, drop the gun,


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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Review of James  Open in new Window.
Review by Jaye P. Marshall Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

General Impressions: This is an interesting scenario. However it seems a tad lacking in a clearly defined beginning, middle and end that a short story should contain. You may want to review for those elements.

Grammar & Punctuation: I found no errors.


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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Review of Innocence's Blood  Open in new Window.
Review by Jaye P. Marshall Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

General Impressions: This is such a very sad story that it brought tears to my eyes. You have demonstrated so very well how much the attitudes of others can really hurt a person. Very well done.

Grammar & Punctuation: I found no errors.


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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5
Review by Jaye P. Marshall Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I'm reviewing your piece today as part of the Member-to-Member Reviews.

General Impressions: This is a really cute story and I love the surprise ending. Terrific job.

Grammar & Punctuation: I found no errors.

These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


beautiful signatures crafted by dear terryjroo

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Review of Easier To Cry  Open in new Window.
Review by Jaye P. Marshall Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I'm reviewing your piece today as part of the Member-to-Member Reviews.

General Impressions: You have done a very good job of describing the feelings of fear and anticipation here as well as hiding the reaction. Good job.

Grammar & Punctuation: I found no errors.


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


beautiful signatures crafted by dear terryjroo

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7
Review of The Voice  Open in new Window.
Review by Jaye P. Marshall Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in the Mystery Newsletter dated February 17 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is an excellent story that grabs reader interest right away and drags him/her along until the very end. Well done.

Grammar & Punctuation: I found no errors.


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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Review of Below  Open in new Window.
Review by Jaye P. Marshall Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in the Horror/Scary Newsletter dated February 17 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is an interesting scenario where you've done a really good job with the descriptions. It does seem as if this is part of an on-going series and not a stand-alone story.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ —hours, days years? '
Suggest: —hours, days, years?

In this phrase, ‘ the sound of water spilling off her cloths echoed about her '
Suggest: the sound of water spilling off her clothes echoed about her

In this phrase, ‘ She placed once finger lightly to her lips, '
Suggest: She placed one finger lightly to her lips,

In this phrase, ‘ As she reached this, she began to sink under the water, '
Suggest: As she reached this decision, she began to sink under the water,


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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Review of Stall  Open in new Window.
Review by Jaye P. Marshall Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in the Horror/Scary Newsletter dated February 17 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is a good story where you worked in more than a bit of a supernatural influence. You might want to provide some hint of a tie-in between Chloe and the last line to better wrapup the ending. Good job.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ He slogged away from the urinal and yet again to the bathroom door. '
Suggest: He slogged away from the toilet and yet again to the stall door.

In this phrase, ‘ His boss Janice was writing something down '
Suggest: His boss, Janice, was writing something down


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

** Image ID #1541185 Unavailable **

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Review of Eaters  Open in new Window.
Review by Jaye P. Marshall Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in the Horror/Scary Newsletter dated February 17 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is an interesting tale where you've clearly shown the trap and the hopelessness. Even though I'm sure you had word limitations, it might provide a clearer picture if you were to indicate the comparative size of the Eaters to their victims and the weapons they have on hand.

Format: You might want to add a line between paragraphs for easier reading.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ We’ll wait till morning. '
Suggest: We’ll wait 'til morning.

In this phrase, ‘ Never seen them for up close until a few days ago, '
Suggest: Never seen them up close until a few days ago,

In this phrase, ‘ They don’t know if there is more of us in here, '
Suggest: They don’t know if there are more of us in here,

In this phrase, ‘ people think is that they we’re created by us. '
Suggest: people think is that they were created by us.


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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Review of My Love...  Open in new Window.
Review by Jaye P. Marshall Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

General Impressions: This is a really positive piece that, for me, conjures up very loving feelings - up until the last four lines where it seems to change to a much more somber tone.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ For our love's embrace keep us strong. '
Suggest: For our love's embrace keeps us strong.


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

Image #1541185 over display limit. -?-

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Review by Jaye P. Marshall Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in the Mystery Newsletter dated February 10 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is a very good beginning to this work that grabs reader interest right away and builds curiosity in the lives of these two disparate people. Well done.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ homeless man grunted in a deep cigarette scarred voice. '
Suggest: homeless man grunted in a deep cigarette-scarred voice.

In this phrase, ‘ "Heya Charlie," Alex said '
Suggest: "Heya, Charlie," Alex said


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

Image #1541185 over display limit. -?-

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Review of Wishful Thinking  Open in new Window.
Review by Jaye P. Marshall Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in the Mystery Newsletter dated February 10 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: You have an interesting mystery setup here though it does need some additional work. Much of the beginning is told rather than shown. You may want to grab reader attention right up front perhaps by diving into an exciting scene that shows the main character dealing with a tough situation.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ “Put the gun behind the Cheerios in you pantry,” '
Suggest: “Put the gun behind the Cheerios in your pantry,”


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

Image #1541185 over display limit. -?-

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Review of Haunting Shadow  Open in new Window.
Review by Jaye P. Marshall Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Newbies Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

First, let me welcome you to the WDC family. I hope you find this as enjoyable an experience as I have.

General Impressions: You have done an excellent job here in communicating the searing impact that "just words" can have on another person and their sense of well being. Well done.

Grammar & Punctuation: I found no errors.


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


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Review of Hallways  Open in new Window.
Review by Jaye P. Marshall Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Newbies Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

First, let me welcome you to the WDC family. I hope you find this as enjoyable an experience as I have.

General Impressions: You have done a good job here of painting the picture of the mental and physical impact of the various impressions of the school situation. Nicely done.

Grammar & Punctuation: I found no errors.


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


** Image ID #1518002 Unavailable **

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Review of Me, Myself, and I  Open in new Window.
Review by Jaye P. Marshall Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Newbies Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

First, let me welcome you to the WDC family. I hope you find this as enjoyable an experience as I have.

General Impressions: You have made a very strong statement of Self here so that it seems as if you are sending a personal message to someone.

Grammar & Punctuation: You may want to make your capitalization here consistent throughout.


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


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Review of Greasy  Open in new Window.
Review by Jaye P. Marshall Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in the Horror/Scary Newsletter dated February 10 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is a good story where you've seemed to describe both the physical and the mental impressions of this painting on a very sick patient. Good job.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ smirking with a slack canvas face, '
Suggest: smirking with a slack-canvas face,


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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18
Review of Family Secret  Open in new Window.
Review by Jaye P. Marshall Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in the For Authors Newsletter dated February 10 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is a really good story where you've taken an ancient legend and brought it to life as it impacts one family. Well done.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ almost every one – if not all – is here. '
Suggest: almost every one – if not all – are here.

In this phrase, ‘ gold egg slightly smaller than chicken egg. '
Suggest: gold egg slightly smaller than a chicken egg.


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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Review of Cookies!  Open in new Window.
Review by Jaye P. Marshall Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in the For Authors Newsletter dated February 10 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is a delightful little story where I love how you wrote it in the dialect of a young child.

Characters: You did a good job of showing the child's personality through her thoughts and desires to "please her daddy". Nicely done.

Grammar & Punctuation: I found no errors.


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

Image #1541185 over display limit. -?-

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20
Review of Good Conversation  Open in new Window.
Review by Jaye P. Marshall Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in the Drama Newsletter dated February 10 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is a totally delightful story that drew me in right away with the "con", if you will, and held my interest throughout. Very well done.

Grammar & Punctuation: I found no errors,


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

Image #1541185 over display limit. -?-

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Review by Jaye P. Marshall Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in the Drama Newsletter dated February 10 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: I found this to be a highly interesting article that could also be utilized to create fictional tales in addition to be very informative. Well done.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ most interesting that our time line has to offer. '
Suggest: most interesting that our timeline has to offer.


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

Image #1541185 over display limit. -?-

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Review by Jaye P. Marshall Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in the Short Stories Newsletter dated February 3 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is a terrifically funny tale that I thoroughly enjoyed. Nicely done.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ We were well to do by most standards '
Suggest: We were well-to-do by most standards

In this phrase, ‘ sweat from his brow and eye his beloved mode of transportation. '
Suggest: sweat from his brow and eye as he contemplated his beloved mode of transportation.

In this phrase, ‘ decided to stay in the garage to tinkle with the car '
Suggest: decided to stay in the garage to tinker with the car


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

Image #1541185 over display limit. -?-

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23
Review by Jaye P. Marshall Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in the Short Stories Newsletter dated February 3 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is an excellent story where you've managed to bring the reader right into the scene with terrific description of both the place and the night.

Characters: Youve done an great job of portraying the boy's character through his thoughts and his feelings of others' reaction to him. Well done.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ reason is to be constantly trodden on by the Germans like dirt then '
Suggest: reason is to be constantly trodden on like dirt by the Germans then

In this phrase, ‘ and beautifully hand painted signs. '
Suggest: and beautifully hand-painted signs.

In this phrase, ‘ all the force of an entire lifetimes’ worth of oppression, '
Suggest: all the force of an entire lifetime's worth of oppression,

In this phrase, ‘ “Please God may my parents be waiting for me '
Suggest: “Please, God, may my parents be waiting for me


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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24
Review by Jaye P. Marshall Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

General Impressions: You have done a great job here of showing the differences that exist between those earlier-year relationships and those that come along in later years. Nicely done.

Grammar & Punctuation: I found no errors.


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

Image #1541185 over display limit. -?-

25
25
Review by Jaye P. Marshall Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

General Impressions: This is a really cute scenario that I thoroughly enjoyed. Well done.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ it's not you Buddy, it's me. '
Suggest: it's not you, Buddy, it's me.


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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