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1
1
Review by Jason Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
A REVIEW FROM Jason Author Icon
OF YOUR PIECE ENTITLED:"Wishes Do Come True"  Open in new Window. by Finn O'Flaherty Author Icon


FEELINGS AND THOUGHTS
I like this in&out. I think it is a great Idea to ask what people would wish for. It is a great way to learn about friends.


STYLE AND STRUCTURE
I like the pink color. I think it stands out and is inviting.


WHAT I LIKED THE MOST
I like the responses. I think people got the message and and enjoyed it.


SUGGESTIONS FOR YOU
Maybe add a picture or a sub title. or Your wish.


OVER ALL IMPRESSION
cute, nice, good way to get to know your neighbor.


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2
2
Review of Stake Deal  Open in new Window.
Review by Jason Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
A REVIEW FROM Jason Author Icon
OF YOUR PIECE ENTITLED:"Stake Deal"  Open in new Window. by Breaker~A Vigilante Ranger~ Author Icon


FEELINGS AND THOUGHTS
I thought this was a cool piece. I love playing poker, I am very familiar with that exciting feeling.


STYLE AND STRUCTURE
Good structure. Is this a haiku? /center}

WHAT I LIKED THE MOST
I liked the foul merchant will shun part. I thought that was creative and a great ending.


SUGGESTIONS FOR YOU
none


OVER ALL IMPRESSION
great way to start a poker game


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3
3
Review of THE DREAM  Open in new Window.
Review by Jason Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
A REVIEW FROM: Jason Author Icon
OF YOUR PIECE ENTITLED:
"THE DREAM"  Open in new Window. by tosca Author Icon


FEELINGS AND THOUGHTS
I loved this. I have had mornings just like that. They are very few and far between. Sorry it was a dream. You portrayed a very warm and welcoming feeling and at the same time filling it with a touch of wonderful whimsical limerick-al humor.


STYLE AND STRUCTURE
I love how this poem is right in the middle of the page. It makes visually interesting to read in my opinion. I almost think that this could be a funny song. I liked how you put some lines in parenthesis. It changed the tone, kind of like for that line you were talking to yourself.


WHAT I LIKED THE MOST
The very ending was the best part. I saw you getting up and checking outside your room and know one was cleaning or anything. Very good and funny imagery.


SUGGESTIONS FOR YOU
I dont have much, just a question really. There are two dots right before "It was only a dream" and I didn't know what they were for. I assume it is to separate those two lines from the rest of the poem.


OVER ALL IMPRESSION
fun fun and a little sad. It brings me back and makes me laugh. very well done I enjoyed it.


A paper doll gang newbie
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4
4
Review of The Musician  Open in new Window.
Review by Jason Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
A REVIEW FROM: Jason Author Icon
OF YOUR PIECE ENTITLED:The Musician


FEELINGS AND THOUGHTS
I absolutely love limericks. They are one of my favorite forms of poetry. This was a very clever limerick and I enjoyed it. Im not exactly sure what you mean by "he would stroke them below the full length of his bow." That kind of sounds like a sexual innuendo. If it is that kinda funny, if not then Im not sure what the below part meant. ha.
I thought It flowed very nicely and the ending was funny. Really well done


STYLE AND STRUCTURE
This was a 9 9 6 6 9 rhyme scheme. Perfect for a limerick. Although myself, I am a little more partial to the 9 9 5 5 9 format but thats just personal taste. I thought this was structured great. I like that you centered the piece in the middle of the page. I think it is more visual appealing in the center.


WHAT I LIKED THE MOST
The last line was the best. It makes the whole poem. I can see the two sisters just being wood by this cello player and him going at it.


SUGGESTIONS FOR YOU
The only thing I would suggest is increasing the text size and adding color. I think since limericks are usually so small that making the words bigger gives them a little more visual power, but that is all just opinion


OVER ALL IMPRESSION
Very funny. I enjoyed it. One of my favorite limericks. the flow was nice and the message stayed consistent. the ending was perfect.

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5
5
Review of Deception  Open in new Window.
Review by Jason Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
A REVIEW FROM: Jason Author Icon
OF YOUR PIECE ENTITLED:Deception


FEELINGS AND THOUGHTS
I honestly couldn't tell if this story was supposed to be a cute and funny story with a touch of whimsical humor, or if it was a true warning of the dangers talked about. either way it was good. I am very sorry if this is a true story too. That would be a huge bummer.


STYLE AND STRUCTURE
I like that you are organized with your words and stanzas. I have seen so many poems that are just splattered all around with no structure. And maybe for some thats fun and interesting, but I am a fan of structure and I think you have it. I love the colors used and the fact that it is centered in the middle of the page.


WHAT I LIKED THE MOST
For some reason the second stanza speaks to me the most. Its the reason for the squandering and then gives the anticipation factor for the rest of the poem.


SUGGESTIONS FOR YOU
" was truly one a perfect" sounds weird to me. and so does "a woman that was once man." It just didn't flow as smoothly to me. Maybe you were trying to format it someway to make it fit a contest or something. But if I were you I would add a couple commas in there in a few places.


OVER ALL IMPRESSION
Very interesting, and like I said in the begging I hope this wasn't a true story for you. But I enjoyed reading it and I think I will cancel my myspace account now. wink.

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6
6
Review of Impenetrable  Open in new Window.
Review by Jason Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
A REVIEW FROM Jason Author Icon

OF YOUR PIECE ENTITLED:Impenetrable


*Vignette2*FEELINGS*Vignette2*
*Right*I felt the word choice was very creative and appropriate. I felt that starting each letter with the same letter as each other made it fun to read. Not necessarily like a tongue twister but added a clever tone to it.

*Vignette2*THOUGHTS*Vignette2*
*Right*I liked how the words "Impasse" and "Impenetrable" go together. I felt that the poem told a very strong story. and told it well.

*Vignette2*WHAT I LIKED THE MOST *Vignette2*
*Right*I liked:

P erplexed perception: palpitations perspiration

the best. I had fun getting all the "Ps" out. I also thought that the word choice on this line in particular was smart.

*Vignette2*SUGGESTIONS*Vignette2*
*Right*I noticed on the second line you didn't put a space in between mind. to keep consistency I would do that.

*Vignette2*OVER ALL*Vignette2*
*Right*A very frustrating message and fun to read.

note: These comments are my onions only, and should be recognized as such.
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"Punctuation is ruled two-thirds by rule and one-third by personal taste."
—G.V. Ca
7
7
Review of I'm Ready  Open in new Window.
Review by Jason Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
A REVIEW FROM Jason Author Icon

OF YOUR PIECE ENTITLED:I'm Ready


*Vignette2*FEELINGS*Vignette2*
*Right*I could feel your strong conviction to the Christian faith. It was very spiritual and inspiring.

*Vignette2*THOUGHTS*Vignette2*
*Right*Every stanza was well structured and the last line of each one gave off sort of a Christian cliff hanger vibe that left you anxious for the next stanza, I liked that.

*Vignette2*WHAT I LIKED THE MOST *Vignette2*
*Right*My favorite stanza was this one:

A still, small voice
A light beneath the door
My heart can’t ignore
“Get ready.”

I thought it was the most vivid and creative. I thought it also gave off the most anticipation. i really enjoyed that one.

*Vignette2*SUGGESTIONS*Vignette2*
*Right*I would center it and add color. Maybe add a picture of stars or clouds.

*Vignette2*OVER ALL*Vignette2*
*Right*A strong spiritual poem, very well done.

note: These comments are my onions only, and should be recognized as such.
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"Punctuation is ruled two-thirds by rule and one-third by personal taste."
—G.V. Ca
8
8
Review by Jason Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
yeah you took second in
the simple sig contest


A REVIEW FROM Jason Author Icon

OF YOUR PIECE ENTITLED:My little prince charming


*Vignette2*FEELINGS*Vignette2*
*Right*Very very very cute and funny. I smiled when I saw the pic. The poem made me laugh.

*Vignette2*THOUGHTS*Vignette2*
*Right*I like the black and red rotation
I love the way that your little prince charming is sitting. It seems so innocent but yet his facial expression seems almost devious. Like he has played some sort of practice joke on you and he is waiting for you to freak out.

*Vignette2*WHAT I LIKED THE MOST *Vignette2*
*Right*I liked this stanza the most:

He’s the trickster or prankster.
Always trying to make you smile,
But his compassionate heart,
Goes that extra mile.

This totally explains the devious look on his face . ha very well done. love it.

*Vignette2*SUGGESTIONS*Vignette2*
*Right*none

*Vignette2*OVER ALL*Vignette2*
*Right*A very funny poem and a cute pic. Thanks

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9
9
Review of Restored  Open in new Window.
Review by Jason Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
A REVIEW FROM Jason Author Icon

OF YOUR PIECE ENTITLED:Restored


*Vignette2*FEELINGS*Vignette2*
*Right* I loved this, very well done. I love spiritual pieces. I like how the words restored and trust again go together. It's about about being renewed and you you hit it on the head.

*Vignette2*THOUGHTS*Vignette2*
*Right*I like the rhyming scheme. I think it flowed very well and stayed on topic. very well done.

*Vignette2*WHAT I LIKED THE MOST *Vignette2*
*Right*These two lines flowed the best and was like the cheese filling for me. It was right in the middle so it held everything together very strong in my opinion

T hen on knees I'll meekly bend
A ll pride prostrate to you

good syllable rotation between the lines. thats what made it flow.

*Vignette2*SUGGESTIONS*Vignette2*
*Right*none

*Vignette2*OVER ALL*Vignette2*
*Right*A good strong acrostic. My fav of yours yet.

note: These comments are my onions only, and should be recognized as such.
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"Punctuation is ruled two-thirds by rule and one-third by personal taste."
—G.V. Ca

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10
10
Review of Ode to New Year's  Open in new Window.
Review by Jason Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
A REVIEW FROM Jason Author Icon

OF YOUR PIECE ENTITLED:


*Laugh**Angry**Smirk* FEELINGS *Cry**Cool**Shock*
*Right*This would be a fun new years tradion poem to read every time the ball drops and the champsine corks shoot aross the room. Very good rming scheme I felt happy all the way through it.

*Question**Idea*THOUGHTS*Magnify**Exclaim*
*Right*I saw that this was an acrostic poem. Looking through all your stuff I am realizing that you like those. You are good at them.
I didnt know what Ephemeral meant so I had to look it up. This was what I found

Definition of EPHEMERAL

1
: lasting one day only <an ephemeral fever>
2
: lasting a very short time <ephemeral pleasures>

I could defiantly see how this related to the poem. Good job.

*Heart**ThumbsUp*WHAT I LIKED THE MOST *ThumbsUp**Heart*
*Right*What I liked the most were the lines:

Each moment ticks by, it cannot stay
Present becomes Past thoughout the day.

It was a very powerful start and thought. It is true, every second becomes the past. I like that.

*QuestionP**QuestionV*SUGGESTIONS*QuestionR**QuestionO*
*Right*I would center the poem and add color. and Maybe add a little more punctuation to to each line.

*CheckB**CheckG*OVER ALL*CheckR**CheckV*
*Right*very good acrostic. I like the word choice and the points you made. Happy new years

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WHIMSICAL POETRY Open in new Window. (18+)
A compilation of a few light hearted, laugh out loud poems.
#1779050 by Jason Author IconMail Icon

"Punctuation is ruled two-thirds by rule and one-third by personal taste."
—G.V. Ca

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11
11
Review of Shadow Self  Open in new Window.
Review by Jason Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
A REVIEW FROM Jason Author Icon

OF YOUR PIECE ENTITLED:Shadow Self


*Vignette2* FEELINGS *Vignette2*
*Right*The first stanza was very happy and cheerful the second stanza was dark and depressing. I like the color choice. you should center the poem. Very fun acrostic poem. I felt like it didn't necessarily tell a story but described a person or group of people and a situation. I liked it.

*Vignette2* THOUGHTS *Vignette2*
*Right*What does "Shadow Self" mean I wonder. here are my thoughts
A day is filled with happy and bad things.
like you said in the sub title. "Acrostic a new day of hopes and fears"
I could defiantly see the hope and the fear in the poem.
The shadow in my view is a representative of ones self, or a group looking back or forward into the the pain and pleasure of the day. Or to be followed with hope and fear.

*Vignette2* WHAT I LIKED THE MOST *Vignette2*
*Right*These were my favorite lines:

S udden chill seizes
E ach heel,
L egs grow leaden,

I liked how you used legs to describe the feelings and situation.

*Vignette2* SUGGESTIONS *Vignette2*
*Right*I personally didn't like the spaces you put between the letters and the words. Maybe they were there for a reason, I don't know. But if it was my acrostic I would take them out.

*Vignette2* OVER ALL *Vignette2*
*Right*Good acrostic. fun to read. Hopes and fears is something interesting to write about.

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WHIMSICAL POETRY Open in new Window. (18+)
A compilation of a few light hearted, laugh out loud poems.
#1779050 by Jason Author IconMail Icon

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"Punctuation is ruled two-thirds by rule and one-third by personal taste."
—G.V. Ca

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12
12
Review by Jason Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
A REVIEW FROM Jason Author Icon

OF YOUR PIECE ENTITLED:Cherish Your Gift, Young Man


*Vignette2* FEELINGS *Vignette2*
*Right*This was very powerful. I could see this being found in a book of wisdom. I could see the young man and the wise man taking. Good imagery. There were three points of the view that I caught. One form the boy, one from the mother and grandfather. And the final on from the older man that seemed to be doing most of the talking.

*Vignette2* THOUGHTS *Vignette2*
*Right*I like how you told a story. The boy got to where he was, and how he was because of his ancestors. Old and close. The first part seemed like the young man was asking himself these questions. Then the wise old man comes into play and makes it clear that it't about a more knowledgeable person giving a younger person a history lesson and some good council. I liked it.

*Vignette2* WHAT I LIKED THE MOST *Vignette2*
*Right*Rich historical lessons. Great depth into the black culture. Self realization. I like all these things in the piece.
I think we all have gifts we need to realize we have. Everyone has ancestors that sacrificed for them. This is a good piece to bring out that reality for everyone.

*Vignette2* SUGGESTIONS *Vignette2*
*Right*I suggest this to almost everyone. I would center the piece and add some color.
No grammar errors I could find. Good punctuation.

*Vignette2* OVER ALL *Vignette2*
*Right*Good poem, great depth, fun to read. Strong emotions. I liked it.

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WHIMSICAL POETRY Open in new Window. (18+)
A compilation of a few light hearted, laugh out loud poems.
#1779050 by Jason Author IconMail Icon

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13
13
Review of Stars  Open in new Window.
Review by Jason Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
A REVIEW FROM Jason Author Icon

OF YOUR PIECE ENTITLED:Stars


*Vignette2* FEELINGS *Vignette2*
*Right*I could defiantly feel the happy fun nature of the poems. I felt like dancing or making a song to go with the poems, especially the first one. That one was my fav.

*Vignette2* THOUGHTS *Vignette2*
*Right*Great font choice. I like the purple color choice. You know what would be cool would be a picture of some stars.

*Vignette2* WHAT I LIKED THE MOST *Vignette2*
*Right*I love the first four lines on the first poem. They were very playful and happy. Actually I liked the first four lines of each stanza. They were my favorite. I think the last parts of the stanzas are good but you could do without them and it would still be fun. It would just be a couple of short words but I think it would fun.
Not that I didn't like the ending parts they were good, but not as fun in my opinion.

*Vignette2* SUGGESTIONS *Vignette2*
*Right*I noticed at the very end of the second poem you had a" }" sticking out of it. I'm not sure waht you were tring to do, maybe center it, but you should just be aware thats there.

*Vignette2* OVER ALL *Vignette2*
*Right*A happy joyful pair of poems.
I just wanted to comment on this stanza

Still leading the way
With their guiding light
As they did
For the kings
Wise men and shepherds of old

I loved the spiritual reference in this. It was all done very well. Thanks

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WHIMSICAL POETRY Open in new Window. (18+)
A compilation of a few light hearted, laugh out loud poems.
#1779050 by Jason Author IconMail Icon

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14
14
Review of Dear God 3/3/2011  Open in new Window.
Review by Jason Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
A REVIEW FROM Jason Author Icon

OF YOUR PIECE ENTITLED:Dear God 3/3/2011


*Vignette2* FEELINGS *Vignette2*
*Right*This was one of the most sincere prayers I have ever read. I came right from the heart. I felt every word.

*Vignette2* THOUGHTS *Vignette2*
*Right*You talked about How you feel the joy. You talk about where you feel the joy. You talk about where it comes from and you answer a lot of the questions all of us have kept in heart. A great expression of love.

*Vignette2* WHAT I LIKED THE MOST *Vignette2*
*Right*This is my favorite line:

"You love me so much that it wasn't enough to be with me, you went a step further in intimacy by taking permanent residence within my heart."

I thought that was a very dear comment. That you will always have that someone. "A permanent resident."

*Vignette2* SUGGESTIONS *Vignette2*
*Right*I liked it. I have now suggestions. Although I think it would be cool if you added a picture of the clouds or something. You might think thats dumb, I don't know, thats just me.

*Vignette2* OVER ALL *Vignette2*
*Right*A very deep and heart rooted expression of god, Good form of poetry and great word choice.

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WHIMSICAL POETRY Open in new Window. (18+)
A compilation of a few light hearted, laugh out loud poems.
#1779050 by Jason Author IconMail Icon

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15
15
Review of Lilac Time  Open in new Window.
Review by Jason Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
A REVIEW FROM Jason Author Icon

OF YOUR PIECE ENTITLED:Lilac Time


*Vignette2* FEELINGS *Vignette2*
*Right*very sweet, I liked the old couple part. They way you described their love without talking about it. You simply said that it was there, and that was enough. Just like the old saying " less is more" you nailed it.

*Vignette2* THOUGHTS *Vignette2*
*Right*Very beautiful description of the grapes and vines. It really set the tone and setting to introduce the old couple. I liked that a lot.

*Vignette2* WHAT I LIKED THE MOST *Vignette2*
*Right*I like how you centered the piece and died it purple for visual effect. I liked that a lot. I usually recommend using that element and you did it wonderfully.

I loved your word choice. Here is a list of my favorite words you used.

"Twilight's end" good intro to the old couple.

"wizened and twisted"

"age-spotted hands"


*Vignette2* SUGGESTIONS *Vignette2*
*Right*I have none. I liked it a lot.

*Vignette2* OVER ALL *Vignette2*
*Right*A very good poem, done with life, gone through the storm, now have peace.

note: These comments are my onions only, and should be recognized as such.
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WHIMSICAL POETRY Open in new Window. (18+)
A compilation of a few light hearted, laugh out loud poems.
#1779050 by Jason Author IconMail Icon

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16
16
Review by Jason Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)


A REVIEW FROM Jason Author Icon

OF YOUR PIECE ENTITLED:Hidden in Plain Thought-Lilly


*Vignette2* FEELINGS *Vignette2*
*Right*This story made me feel for Lilly. That must have been a very scary experience for her. I liked how she went through a lot of emotions. I liked how you kept the mystery going until the end. I liked how you described the cops, how the both had different personalities and attitudes.

*Vignette2* THOUGHTS *Vignette2*
*Right*good choice of name. Jason is a good name ha. *Smile* Thats my name. I could see this as a good story starter. Or a good Mystery ender. Maybe the whole novel you were trying to figure out who killed that person and you would never guess it was Lilly, then Boom, out of know where. Fun?

*Vignette2* WHAT I LIKED THE MOST *Vignette2*
*Right*The imagery, I thought you painted the picture of the story well. I also liked the feelings I got from Lilly and Jason talking. It was an instant character building conversation. Good job, you are talented.

*Vignette2* SUGGESTIONS *Vignette2*
*Right*"....a man" not "....a men"

his voice was stern. add the was in there.

The first time I read Silfeles sounded like syphilis. I would recommend changing that name.

what was the beeping sound? A heart rate monitor or something? It was a good ending, intense, but maybe just a little cliche in my opinion. But it was still good, I liked it.


*Vignette2* OVER ALL *Vignette2*
*Right*Sad and interesting, "Thillish" with a good mystery revealing effect to it if you added some more" who done it" stuff in my opinion.

note: These comments are my onions only, and should be recognized as such.
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WHIMSICAL POETRY Open in new Window. (18+)
A compilation of a few light hearted, laugh out loud poems.
#1779050 by Jason Author IconMail Icon

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" Open in new Window..

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17
17
Review of The Fairies  Open in new Window.
Review by Jason Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)

A REVIEW FROM Jason Author Icon

OF YOUR PIECE ENTITLED:The Fairies


*Vignette2* FEELINGS *Vignette2*
*Right*This is a sad and good impression of Nazi Germany. A depressing ann frank like tale. I think you did a good job of getting the emotions across especially at the end with the book and the pictures. The tearing apart of families was very accurate and heart wrenching.

*Vignette2* THOUGHTS *Vignette2*
*Right*I liked how it was written from a child's perspective. How everything had a sort of fairy tale explanation in the child's eyes. I like how you described the swastika as a plus sign. At least thats what I thought you were describing, as a child would see it.

Good grammar and punctuation. Nothing stood out that drastically needed to be fixed that I could see, but i am no expert on the subject. I thought it flowed. I think you are talented.

*Vignette2* WHAT I LIKED THE MOST *Vignette2*
*Right*Again, I liked the ending the best. It really had the strongest emotional effect on me. It was a very vivid picture. A very sad ending.

*Vignette2* SUGGESTIONS *Vignette2*
*Right*very graphic story, I would suggest rating it 18+ instead of 13.

*Vignette2* OVER ALL *Vignette2*
*Right*Very well told, very interesting point of view. and A very sad tale that I enjoyed. Again, you are talented.

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WHIMSICAL POETRY Open in new Window. (18+)
A compilation of a few light hearted, laugh out loud poems.
#1779050 by Jason Author IconMail Icon

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18
18
Review of Debriefing  Open in new Window.
Review by Jason Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)



A REVIEW FROM Jason Author Icon

OF YOUR PIECE ENTITLED:Debriefing


*Vignette2* FEELINGS *Vignette2*
*Right*This was a fun and intense flash back story. I like the fast paced action from the monster thing running around.

*Vignette2* THOUGHTS *Vignette2*
*Right*I was very graphic, good choice of rating. It reminded me of predator or movies like it. Those are fun, and I think you portrayed the genre well. You had a good balance of showing versus telling.

*Vignette2* WHAT I LIKED THE MOST *Vignette2*
*Right*The action scenes, I had the most fun reading those parts.

*Vignette2* SUGGESTIONS *Vignette2*
*Right*switching from past tence to present tence, "they drag him...." "they leave the room..."

puy that he had a straight jaket on in the bigginig sentence.

forget the now in "now Rick...."

*Vignette2* OVER ALL *Vignette2*
*Right*Fun, fast pace. could you a little grammar work but overall and good interesting story. Could be a good start to a book. I'm finding that a lot of your pieces seem like good starts to stories.

note: These comments are my onions only, and should be recognized as such.
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WHIMSICAL POETRY Open in new Window. (18+)
A compilation of a few light hearted, laugh out loud poems.
#1779050 by Jason Author IconMail Icon

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19
19
Review by Jason Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
show not tell
i am legend concept
begging of a good zombie book
good hearted alex
how to fix or fight the virus

A REVIEW FROM Jason Author Icon

OF YOUR PIECE ENTITLED:Preparing for the End


*Vignette2* FEELINGS *Vignette2*
*Right*This story was not intense but had a strong element of anticipation of intensity. I liked it. I could feel the pressure put on Alex. I could feel the frustration. That would be a hard decision to decide who gets to be saved and who doesn't. I could tell that Alex was a good hearted person. If you continue the story I would really try to build up that element of the character.

*Vignette2* THOUGHTS *Vignette2*
*Right*I think the title said it all. I was very literal. The whole story was about building a place to house humans after the world collapsed from a spreading virus. Kind of like a "I am legend" concept. It is a fun subject to write about and I think you have a good start to a good book here if you do it right. It is a cool start.

*Vignette2* WHAT I LIKED THE MOST *Vignette2*
*Right*The last two lines really made it all come together. I could hear some creepy music seeping in, and then right after he said that you would hear a big boom and people's hearts would jump. fun stuff.

*Vignette2* SUGGESTIONS *Vignette2*
*Right*I would work on run on sentences and punctuation a little bit. Thats a hard thing to master, I don't think I ever will.

*Vignette2* OVER ALL *Vignette2*
*Right*A good start awaiting an excellent finish. You are talented.

note: These comments are my onions only, and should be recognized as such.
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WHIMSICAL POETRY Open in new Window. (18+)
A compilation of a few light hearted, laugh out loud poems.
#1779050 by Jason Author IconMail Icon

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20
20
Review of Bradley  Open in new Window.
Review by Jason Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Candleb*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.*Candlev*


A REVIEW FROM Jason Author Icon

OF YOUR PIECE ENTITLED:Bradley


*Vignette2* FEELINGS *Vignette2*
*Right*I laughed, this was a very cute limerick. I love limericks.

*Vignette2* THOUGHTS *Vignette2*
*Right*I thought your rhyming scheme was very good. It had a hilarious story too. A little boy swallows a bird and coughs it up, told beautifully in five lines.

*Vignette2* WHAT I LIKED THE MOST *Vignette2*
*Right*The last line was the best part. I could see the look on everyones face as this story happened.

*Vignette2* SUGGESTIONS *Vignette2*
*Right*I have a contest running right now called the colors and emotions contest. The prompt this we has to do with limericks. You are very good, I think you would have fun with it. Check it out.
Another suggestion would be to add color and change the font. Maybe add a picture of a chicken or something funny. I am a visual person and like that kind of stuff. But thats just my opinion.

*Vignette2* OVER ALL *Vignette2*
*Right*Very cute, made me smile. I liked it a lot.

note: These comments are my onions only, and should be recognized as such.
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WHIMSICAL POETRY Open in new Window. (18+)
A compilation of a few light hearted, laugh out loud poems.
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21
21
Review of Tomorrow?  Open in new Window.
Review by Jason Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)

A REVIEW FROM Jason Author Icon

OF YOUR PIECE ENTITLED:Tomorrow?


*Vignette2* FEELINGS *Vignette2*
*Right*This was both a very sad and happy story. I enjoyed it. I felt the most at the very end when you were reminiscing about the past, about the crash. You really made it dream like.

*Vignette2* THOUGHTS *Vignette2*
*Right*I think a story like this would be better told with more words. Maybe a background between you and sammie besides we were best friends and she did this and this and this. Maybe a small story to show, not tell her personality, good deeds and loving heart.

*Vignette2* WHAT I LIKED THE MOST *Vignette2*
*Right*Once again I come back the very end. It was a good finish and I liked it. You really make it seem like it is a true story. If it is that is amazing how you over came your pain, and grew out of the girl that lived.

*Vignette2* SUGGESTIONS *Vignette2*
*Right*There is a giant space between concerned. and My brother. I didn't know if that was intentional or not. Just something to look into. The grammar and spelling looks good from what I can tell. I would just maybe add a little more flavor to a back story. Other than that it was good.

*Vignette2* OVER ALL *Vignette2*
*Right*A sad and happy story that touched my heart. I liked it. It makes me want to wear my seat belt for sure.

note: These comments are my onions only, and should be recognized as such.
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WHIMSICAL POETRY Open in new Window. (18+)
A compilation of a few light hearted, laugh out loud poems.
#1779050 by Jason Author IconMail Icon

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22
22
Review of This house  Open in new Window.
Review by Jason Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Candleb*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.*Candlev*


A REVIEW FROM Jason Author Icon

OF YOUR PIECE ENTITLED:This House


*Vignette2* FEELINGS *Vignette2*
*Right*I did't know if this was intentional, but I found this poem to be somewhat of a metaphor for someones life. The way that people change over years and years.

*Vignette2* THOUGHTS *Vignette2*
*Right*I liked it. I thought it was well organized and told a story.

*Vignette2* WHAT I LIKED THE MOST *Vignette2*
*Right*I liked the way I felt when I thought of the house different colors. I liked how you said " the shame of paint that cant outlast the shingled frame." It was very human to me.

*Vignette2* SUGGESTIONS *Vignette2*
*Right*I personally love color. Maybe you could center the poem and add color.

*Vignette2* OVER ALL *Vignette2*
*Right* I liked it. whether it was about a house or a person, or memories in a house, I liked it. very creative.

note: These comments are my onions only, and should be recognized as such.
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WHIMSICAL POETRY Open in new Window. (18+)
A compilation of a few light hearted, laugh out loud poems.
#1779050 by Jason Author IconMail Icon

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" Open in new Window..

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23
23
Review of dreamsleep  Open in new Window.
Review by Jason Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Candleb*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.*Candlev*


A REVIEW FROM Jason Author Icon

OF YOUR PIECE ENTITLED:Dreamsleep


*Vignette2* THOUGHTS*Vignette2*
*Right*Good imagery, I could almost feel the ocean waves, the peacefulness. This is a poem about reminiscing, with an undertone of pain. I liked how you painted the picture. I acted like she almost wanted to die. That dyeing was the peaceful dreamsleep. Or maybe I'm wrong, Maybe the dreamsleep is just a moment of absolute peace, either way I liked it.

*Vignette2* FEELINGS *Vignette2*
*Right*Love is involved some how. Im not sure, I can feel it. I loved how you described the scenery, made me want to go out on the beach at night.

*Vignette2* WHAT I LIKED THE MOST *Vignette2*
*Right*The way you created an atmosphere where there was a lot going on but everything was peaceful, like creating a little bubble to express an emotion.

*Vignette2* SUGGESTIONS *Vignette2*
*Right*Add color. Maybe separate the lines into more stanzas.

*Vignette2* OVER ALL *Vignette2*
*Right*Very good. Very descriptive. I felt it.

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WHIMSICAL POETRY Open in new Window. (18+)
A compilation of a few light hearted, laugh out loud poems.
#1779050 by Jason Author IconMail Icon

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" Open in new Window..
24
24
Review of The Wolf  Open in new Window.
Review by Jason Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Candleb*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.*Candlev*


A REVIEW FROM Jason Author Icon

OF YOUR PIECE ENTITLED:


*Vignette2* THOUGHTS*Vignette2*
*Right*This poem was much like a story formatted like a poem. I liked it, it was very descriptive, and painted a vivid picture well.

*Vignette2* FEELINGS *Vignette2*
*Right*At first I didn't know whether to be afraid or befriended by the wolf. and then it turns into more wolfs and then they stand. I didn't know if you meant stand literally or figuratively. Maybe they were werwolves. Thats cool.

*Vignette2* WHAT I LIKED THE MOST *Vignette2*
*Right*The descriptiveness of it.

*Vignette2* SUGGESTIONS *Vignette2*
*Right*I am a personal fan of Rhyme, and even though this was not that kind of poem, maybe you could write a rendition that does rhyme, I would like that.

*Vignette2* OVER ALL *Vignette2*
*Right*Good story, good imagery, a little scary and thrillish. fun.

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WHIMSICAL POETRY Open in new Window. (18+)
A compilation of a few light hearted, laugh out loud poems.
#1779050 by Jason Author IconMail Icon

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" Open in new Window..
25
25
Review of It.  Open in new Window.
Review by Jason Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Candleb*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.*Candlev*


A REVIEW FROM Jason Author Icon

OF YOUR PIECE ENTITLED:It


*Vignette2* FIRST GLANCE *Vignette2*
*Right*I noticed the way the word It was used. I also noticed That it was talking about an emotion or feeling, but I wasn't sure what IT was.

*Vignette2* FEELINGS AND THOUGHTS *Vignette2*
*Right*I could tell It was a horrible feeling, something painful. I thought maybe depression or guilt. Maybe regret maybe hurt from a love one, I felt a whole spectrum of things and you made me wonder what it was. I liked that the poem made me wonder. I think that it gives the poem mystery with still giving it a solid direction of feeling.

*Vignette2* WHAT I LIKED THE MOST *Vignette2*
*Right*I liked how you started and ended with the same stanza. To me that signifies that there was no resolution, that there was no fix to the problem. so you start with a question and end with the same question. But I don't think the poems point was to answer anything but to give a lingering feeling. To talk about a mysterious emotion. I liked it.

*Vignette2* SUGGESTIONS *Vignette2*
*Right*Maybe add some color or a picture.

*Vignette2* OVER ALL *Vignette2*
*Right*Very well done, good rhyming scheme. Good emotion and very descriptive.

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WHIMSICAL POETRY Open in new Window. (18+)
A compilation of a few light hearted, laugh out loud poems.
#1779050 by Jason Author IconMail Icon

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" Open in new Window..
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