wow great Job VIV. I really like how you hit the nail on the head with this essay. Now I will addmite to doing this a time or too whne I was hurt and could not get up and sit infront of the computer, I did ask for help to get GPs. I am thankful for the help I got and when I could sit down in a chair and read and review I did. But you are so right it gets tiersome when you have a hundred people asking for help and there are a ton of ways they could go about getting what the need/want.
Well done I loved it.
This is a good start, who broke his heart? Why did he leave? try to tell what happens in this poem, fill it in just a little more show us how broken his heart really was. Did he flood the house with tears of anguish, Did he morn the loss of his one true love then steal the heart of another who wanted to help him. Show us what is going on in this good poem. make us see. The flow was great, just need to fill in the blanks now. Great job keep writing.
What a great poem about a great movie and book. I love the flow and the words were spell binding. It made me think of the movie as I read this poem and all the things that happened up till the end. You have a great voice and this poem really makes it come to life. Well done keep writing your doing great.
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
Very good. I think this story could have more drama to it in many places to make it more spell binding. I like it don't get me wrong, I think with a little more drama it could be even better. Also if you could add a little more discription it would help. This story is great as it is, if you don't want to change it that great too. You are doing great so keep it up. Never give in and Never give up!!!
I liked how you lead up to the end and how you made the whole story tie into everlasting life. I was wondering how he could be so cold at the chirch. But when you ended the story I found out she was not really dead but an undead. Very cool story I loved the flow and the suspence was great wondering what would happen next and what brought about the girls death. Great job I really liked reading this story. Keep up the great work. Would love to find out what happens next after she comes back to life.
Janelle Never give Up and Never give in!!!
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
I really liked this poem, it also gave me a few ideas for my own poem. I really liked the part about the bills yet to pay. The was a fun poem for me to read, I like the flow and the idea behind this poem. You did a great job keep up the great work.
Never give up and Never give in!!!
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
A very good poem, I can understand the meening behind the words on how it can be so hard to find work at some times. I really like this poem it give hope and the flow was very good. You did a great job keep at it you are doing good.
Never give up and Never give in!!!
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
I have to say I like this one best of the Bad bart poems I have read. Well done! I like how she hog tied him and left him there. That was great! I had to laugh over that part. The flow was really good and I like how this was more like a story poem then just the normal poem.
Keep up the great work!! Never give up and Never give in!!!
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
LOL this has to be one of the funnies non love poems I have ever read. It was great, the flow was perfict. I like the part about all they do is lie. I know my hubby does not but that does fit some men I have known. You put your anger in this poem for sure. You did great keep up the hard work. Never give up and Never give in!!!
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
A very good story. I like the feel I got from reading this story, it really made my skin crawl. I think with more sencery word would help with this story. The dialog was good, could us a little more dialog, but its fine the way it is. Keep writing your doing great.
Never give up and Never give in!!!
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
I just love your story here. I like how you changed it from one country to another with out really changeing the whole story line. Well done.
This story gave me the spooks, I was creep out after reading only a little ways into it. You did a great job on this story, the dialog was very strong and the words painted pictures in my head. I felt like I was right there with them in a golden room.
The end was great, I love how you told that she has been seen and that everyone thinks she is waiting for her husband. Such a great story keep it up!!!
Never give up and Never give in!!!
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
Wow, I'm glad I can't see into those type of pictures. This was a good story I think a little more detail would work to make it seam like its happening in real life insted of snap shots. Now it was good just the way it is I am just giving an idea really. Keep up the great work. Never give up and Never give in!!!
A very good start, It made me want to read more to find out if they baby and/or the mother makes it. Now it needs a little work in the beging, it was a little hard to read. If you can put a space between his thoughts and what he is doing will help clear it up some. You did a very good job I wish you luck on your novel, and always remember never give up and never give in!!!
A very beautiful poem about your faith in god. Well done I lived reading this poem. I had to read it twice since it gave me such joy. I really liked the meening behind this poem and how you felt. Your feelings shined in this poem for all to see. Well done.
Never give up and Never give in!!!
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
Well done, this is a very good poem. I love the story behind it and the flow was great. I liked this poem so much I read it again. You have a great writen piece here be proud of it.I really liked the end where she only knew of her unknown love for him. That just wraped this poem up like a gift. It was the perfict ending!!!!
Keep writing you are doing great.
Never give up and Never give in!!!
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
I just love pirates and this has to be one of the best poems about pirates that I have ever read. Well done, the flow was great and the words went great together. I could see every thing happening in my head. This poem was well thought out and pulled together nicely. GREAT JOB!!!
Never give up and Never give in!!!
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
Very good, I could see the snake in my mind as someone walks in a green park. Now the flow needs work and if you could add a little more to this to make it seam more real this poem would work even better. Also group some of the sentaces to make a stanza so its not so hard to read.
This was a very good poem I liked it and would read it again.
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
Well done, this is a very powerful poem that also tells how this man/wolf feels. I could feel is anger and sadness. You wrote this poem very well, it has all the things it needs to make a poem stand on its own. The flow was very good it was great for this poem. Keep up the great work.
Wow what a great folder of stories, I can't belive there are only five in here. They were all so great, It took me a little while to get threw them all but it was well worth it. You have some great stories in here, you fill these stories and make them so real like. I really liked A mother's Love that one has to me my faveright. Keep writing you are doing great.
Well done, this colection of poems touch the heart and make you wish for more. Well done what a great read. I loved them all. Keep writing you are doing such a great job. "Love rests" really touched me, I was choked up with the love you pored into this poem.
You did a great job and a few others were just as strong. Keep writing your doing great!!!
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
Wow I really like this folder, You came to life in here. I would love to hear more about you, and the story "Behind the Veil" was great I want to read more. I sure hope you do add more. Its great and it makes me feel like we are old friends.
You are doing great work keep it up and please add more to this great folder.
Great story, I like how it flows and the charectors were believable. I did notice on the 12 line where they are heading to the bard and it starts to rain, you start out We then change to They. You need to stay with WE. Also with the same paragraph you should change the beging a little since it already is raining why go out to a barn when you know you will get wet, maybe have it a dark overcast day, then have them go out side and it starts to rain.
Same area, where he starts tickling her, needs to be me. I have noticed you like switching from one point of veiw to another. Try and stay in one point of view. Its hard belive me I do the same thing. What I do is put my self in the story and act it out. It helps me with my point of view, wether I want the story in first person or second person or as a Nerator. As I said this is a great start and there are a few more places where you change from one point of view for another. Just reread it and look for where you go from he, she, they, them; to me, I, we and find which one sound better.
Keep up the great work you are doing great.
Janelle
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
I really liked reading this ghostly poem. I really liked the last stanza, it brought the whole poem to a great end. You captured me with your first line. Well done, I loved the flow of this poem.
This was a great poem well done, keep writing.
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
Very good try, I do think with a little touchup hear and there this will be a great poem. I liked the read and what you had to say. I felt sad and fearful. I wanted to cry with the feeling that washed over me.
This is a great poem, all you really need to do is read it to your self out loud and run a few differant things through your head and write them down. Once you have a few differant lines write them in to your poem and find which lines sound better and give this poem deep feeling that will last far after you finish reading.
Keep writing your doing great!!!
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
This was a drak deep poem, I could feel a rush of feeling as I read this. I do think a deeper sadder feeling should be drawn to the part where "I stand in the garden" Draw a picture with word like tear gushing out of my eyes, or wails of anguish erupt from my throat. Somthing that gives the reader a clearer picture of the sadness you are going threw or what you are doing are you weak in the knees or strong with anger and fear.
This is a great poem just right in that area I think it needs a little more inpact.
Well done and keep writing!!!
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/jantiel
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.10 seconds at 3:53am on Nov 14, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
