"Random Thoughts and Cares" This is a Rising Stars "Member to Member Review" and you are a fellow Rising Star!
General Disclaimer: I hope that my observations are in someway helpful, though I ask you to take into account that what I offer is only a personal opinion and respectfully given to you. Only you know what is right for your writing!
Title:Embrace
Impression Of Title: The title is good, and fitting the content of the poem.
Spelling, grammar and punctuation: I could find no errors.
Flow/Rhythm: The rhythm is good. Form of the poem is good, and the flow is nice and easy.
Word Choice: Word choice is good; nice use of repetition for emphasis of feeling.
Overall: Good imagery, which helps the reader to see in his or her mind's eye what the poem is about and it also stimulates the imagination to see beyond the poem. This was an enjoyable piece that I am sure many will be able to relate to. The subject of love never gets boring, especially when written with such a heartfelt tone. There is beautiful depth of emotion and feeling which comes through in every line. Very nice originality. You caught the reader's attention from the very first line and kept the reader's attention throughout. My favorite phrase is:
She surrendered
Body, heart, soul
Embracing love in shadow.
This is such a beautiful phrase, excellent in depth of emotion and the imagery is gorgeous with this phrase. A beautiful poem written straight from the heart that I hope many people have a chance to read and enjoy it as much as I have.
Keep On Writing , Keep Sharing with the Community And Rock On!!!
It's been an honor and pleasure to review your work!! Have a Wonderful Day,
Disclaimer: Please remember that is only my opinion and is given with the intention of being constructive -- only you know what is right for your writing!
Title: The Magnitude Of Stars
Impression Of Title: A good title that is suitable to the subject of your poem.
Spelling,grammar and punctuation: I could find no errors.
Flow/Rhythm: The rhyme scheme is good, as is the rhythm. Form of the poem is good, and the flow is nice and easy.
Rhyme: Rhyme is nice.
Word Choice: Word selection is perfect and makes for easy reading.
Overall: What a beautiful poem you have created here. Good imagery, which helps the reader to see in his and her mind's eye what the poem is about and it also stimulates the imagination to see beyond the poem.I can really paint the scene and you did a great job setting the mood to it. Very nice imagination and originality. You caught the reader's attention from the very first line and kept the reader's attention throughout. I enjoyed reading your poetic words. Very nicely done!!
Keep Writing and Keep Sharing With The Community!
I consider it an honor and privilege to read your work.
"Random Thoughts and Cares" This is a Rising Stars "Member to Member Review" and you are a fellow Rising Star!
General Disclaimer: I hope that my observations are in someway helpful, though I ask you to take into account that what I offer is only a personal opinion and respectfully given to you. Only you know what is right for your writing!
Title: Night of Halloween
Impression Of Title: The title is good, and fitting the content of the poem.
Spelling, grammar and punctuation: I could find no errors.
Flow/Rhythm: The rhythm is good. Form of the poem is good, and the flow is nice and easy.
Word Choice: Word selection is perfect and makes for easy reading.
Overall: What a nice poem you have written for Halloween. Good imagery, which helps the reader to see in his or her mind's eye what the poem is about and it also stimulates the imagination to see beyond the poem. I can really paint the scene and you did a great job setting the mood to it. Very nice originality. You caught the reader's attention from the very first line and kept the reader's attention throughout. My favorite phrase is:
She flew past and shrieked really loud
"all have a happy halloween
and a spooktacular night"
This was a perfect way to end this poem. Sometimes we can write and write, but finding the ending line is difficult, but you have found the perfect one here. Simply lovely. Very Nice Job!!
Keep On Writing , Keep Sharing with the Community And Rock On!!!
It's been an honor and pleasure to review your work!! Have a Wonderful Day,
Disclaimer: Please remember that is only my opinion and is given with the intention of being constructive -- only you know what is right for your writing!
Title: Distant Observation
Impression Of Title: A good title that is suitable to the subject of your poem.
Spelling,grammar and punctuation: I could find no errors.
Flow/Rhythm: The rhythm is good. Form of the poem is good, and the flow is nice and easy.
Word Choice: Word choice is good; nice use of repetition for emphasis of feeling.
Overall: Good imagery, which helps the reader to see in his or her mind's eye what the poem is about and it also stimulates the imagination to see beyond the poem. Very nice originality. You caught the reader's attention from the very first line and kept the reader's attention throughout. There is very strong depth of emotion and feeling in every line. I like the tone and subject of you piece. It gets the reader thinking. I found this poem to be very inspirational. It shows so well how it feels when one is willing to let the false sense of self go and become one with God. He does all of these things and more, giving a sense of peace and relief in the wake of fear and pride. A wonderful message. I enjoyed reading your inspirational poem. Very Nicely Done!!!
Keep Writing and Keep Sharing With The Community!
I consider it an honor and privilege to read your work.
Disclaimer: Please remember that is only my opinion and is given with the intention of being constructive -- only you know what is right for your writing!
Title: Alone In Silence
Impression Of Title: A good title that is suitable to the subject of your poem.
Spelling,grammar: I could find no errors.
Flow/Rhythm: The rhyme scheme is good, as is the rhythm. The form is lovely, being centered on the page, which makes it attractive to the eye.
Rhyme: Rhyme is nice.
Word Choice: Word selection is perfect and makes for easy reading.
Suggestions: I do have a suggestion. I would place a strategically placed comma at natural pauses will give emphasis to your thoughts as well as make the flow and rhythm even better in my opinion. Example:
Alone in silence;
I only hear my thoughts.
My emotions binded,
A soul now lost.
Overall: Good imagery, which helps the reader to see in his or her mind's eye what the poem is about and it also stimulates the imagination to see beyond the poem. This poem is a very sad and emotional one. You conveyed the pain in this poem very well. The feelings come through and between every line. It grabs the reader's attention from the very beginning and keeps the reader's attention throughout. It was a joy reading your poetic words. Nicely Done!!!
Keep Writing and Keep Sharing With The Community!
I consider it an honor and privilege to read your work.
General Disclaimer: I hope that my observations are in someway helpful, though I ask you to take into account that what I offer is only a personal opinion and respectfully given to you. Only you know what is right for your writing!
Title: I Found Love In My Heart Today
Impression Of Title: The title is good, and fitting the content of the poem.
Spelling, grammar: I could find no errors.
Flow/Rhythm: The rhyme scheme is very good. Form of the poem is good, and the flow is nice and easy. The form is lovely, being centered on the page, which makes it attractive to the eye.
Word Choice: Word choice is good; nice use of repetition for emphasis of feeling.
Suggestion: I do have a suggestion on punctuation. In where you have: (I found love in my heart today.} There should be a comma instead of a period.
Overall: This was an enjoyable piece that I am sure many will be able to relate to. The subject of love never gets boring, especially when written with such a heartfelt tone. Good imagery, which helps the reader to see in his or her mind's eye what the poem is about and it also stimulates the imagination to see beyond the poem. There is wonderful depth of feeling and emotion in this poem and it shows through in every phrase. Very nice originality. You caught the reader's attention from the very first line and kept the reader's attention throughout. My favorite phrase is:
I found love in my heart today.
I couldn’t believe it! I feel so alive!
I’m in love once more, after feeling so blue,
And all of this, is because I met you.
This is such a beautiful phrase, excellent in depth of emotion and the imagery is gorgeous with this phrase. This was a perfect way to end this poem. Sometimes we can write and write, but finding the ending line is difficult, but you have found the perfect one here. Simply lovely. Very Nicely Done!
Keep On Writing , Keep Sharing with the Community And Rock On!!!
It's been an honor and pleasure to review your work!! Have A Wonderful Day,
Disclaimer: Please remember that is only my opinion and is given with the intention of being constructive -- only you know what is right for your writing!
Title: On This Day (A Wedding Poem}
Impression Of Title: A good title that is suitable to the subject of your poem.
Spelling,grammar: I could find no errors.
Flow/Rhythm: The rhyme scheme is good. The rhythm and flow is a little choppy.Form of the poem is good.
Rhyme: Rhyme is nice.
Word Choice: Word choice is good; nice use of repetition for emphasis of feeling.
Suggestions: I do have a few suggestions. First off, some of your sentence are to long. I think the best thing you could do for this poem and any other poem you might write in the future is to read it out loud so you can hear how the flow is. Sometimes it is hard to hear the words in your head correctly. While reading your poem out loud, make sure all the syllables are the same, this will help your rhythm and make the flow better. Secondly, punctuation, I would place a strategically placed comma at natural pauses will give emphasis to your thoughts as well as make the flow and rhythm even better in my opinion. Example:
On This Special Day,
You have made all my dreams come true.
I can still hear you say,
“I’ll spend the rest of my life with you.”
Overall: What a beautiful poem you have written here. This was an enjoyable piece that I am sure many will be able to relate to. The subject of love never gets boring, especially when written with such a heartfelt tone. You chose your words carefully to evoke beautiful images for the reader. I was very touched by your poem. It was just so lovely. It reminded me of when my husband proposed to me. There is wonderful depth of feeling and emotion in this poem and it shows through in every phrase. Very nice originality. You caught the reader's attention from the very first line and kept the reader's attention throughout. My favorite phrase is:
So now you know the way I feel
I promise to be true
My love deep down now overfills
By saying that “ I Do ”
A beautiful poem written straight from the heart that I hope many people have a chance to read and enjoy it as much as I have. Nicely Done!!
Keep Writing and Keep Sharing With The Community!
I consider it an honor and privilege to read your work.
"Random Thoughts and Cares" This is a Rising Stars "Member to Member Review" and you are a fellow Rising Star!
General Disclaimer: I hope that my observations are in someway helpful, though I ask you to take into account that what I offer is only a personal opinion and respectfully given to you. Only you know what is right for your writing!
Title: A Sister Found
Impression Of Title: The title is perfect, and fitting the content of the poem.
Spelling, grammar and punctuation: I could find no errors.
Flow/Rhythm: The rhythm is very good. Form of the poem is excellent, and the flow is nice and easy. I always like to see acrostic poems begin with the first letter in bold or a larger font, so that the words it spells out are easier for the reader to see. I just think it's more attractive that way.
Word Choice: Word choice is good; nice use of repetition for emphasis of feeling.
Suggestions: None. Perfect just the way it is.
Overall: This is a poem about your beloved sister, who you have found again. There is wonderful depth of emotion and so much feeling is expressed in every line. The reader can tell that you love your sister very much and that the two of you have a very special relationship. I know that sometimes this can be a rare commodity indeed, so please consider yourself lucky. I know many people who have not had this kind of relationship with their sisters. I, too, was blessed to have a special relationship with my sister, so understand of those things of which you speak. You are are really wearing your heart on your sleeve in this poem, which is just lovely. Good imagery, which helps the reader to see in his or her mind's eye what the poem is about and it also stimulates the imagination to see beyond the poem. Very nice originality. You caught the reader's attention from the very first line and kept the reader's attention throughout. A beautiful poem written straight from the heart that I hope many people have a chance to read and enjoy it as much as I have. One in which I would highly recommend!! My hat goes off to the author!!
Keep On Writing , Keep Sharing with the Community And Rock On!!!
It's been an honor and pleasure to review your work!! Have a Wonderful Day,
General Disclaimer: I hope that my observations are in someway helpful, though I ask you to take into account that what I offer is only a personal opinion and respectfully given to you. Only you know what is right for your writing!
Title: Fate
Impression Of Title: The title is good, and fitting the content of the poem.
Spelling, grammar: I could find no errors.
Flow/Rhythm: The rhyme and flow are a little choppy.
Word Choice: Word selection is good and makes for easy reading.
Suggestions: I do have some suggestions. First of all, some of your sentence are to long. I think the best thing you could do for this poem and any other poem you might write in the future is to read it out loud so you can hear how the flow is. Sometimes it is hard to hear the words in your head correctly. While reading your poem out loud, make sure each syllable are the same. Secondly, punctuation. I would place a strategically placed comma at natural pauses will give emphasis to your thoughts as well as make the flow and rhythm even better in my opinion. Example of punctuation:
Oh all the things that could have been,
if only there'd been a shift in the wind.
All the potential and possibilities untapped,
because we went right instead of left.
By doing this, it will make your rhythm and flow better.
Overall: This poem is a very sad and emotional one. You conveyed the pain in this poem very well. The feelings come through and between every line. It grabs the reader's attention from the very beginning and keeps the reader's attention throughout. Good imagery, which helps the reader to see in her mind's eye what the poem is about and it also stimulates the imagination to see beyond the poem. I can really paint the scene and you did a great job setting the mood to it. I think that, with just a little bit of attention, this poem could really bloom into a wonderful piece. I would love to read your intense poem again once you make the edits. I'll gladly re-rate it if you just e-mail me. My email address is: janice48 Have a Nice Day!!. Looking forward to hearing from you.
Keep On Writing , Keep Sharing with the Community And Rock On!!!
It's been an honor and pleasure to review your work!! Have A Wonderful Day,
General Disclaimer: I hope that my observations are in someway helpful, though I ask you to take into account that what I offer is only a personal opinion and respectfully given to you. Only you know what is right for your writing!
Title: He Cannot Breathe
Impression Of Title: The title is good, and fitting the content of the poem.
Spelling, grammar: I could find no errors.
Flow/Rhythm: The rhyme scheme and flow are very choppy
Word Choice: Word choice is good; nice use of repetition for emphasis of feeling.
Suggestions: I do have a suggestion. First off, your sentence are way to long. I think the best thing you could do for this poem and any other poem you might write in the future is to read it out loud so you can hear how the flow is. Sometimes it is hard to hear the words in your head correctly. When reading your poem out loud, make sure all your syllables are the same. This will help your rhyme and make your flow better.
Overall: This poem is about the passing of your grandfather. This poem is a very sad and emotional one. You conveyed the pain in this poem very well. The feelings come through and between every line. It grabs the reader's attention from the very beginning and keeps the reader's attention throughout. I think that, with just a little bit of attention, this poem could really bloom into a wonderful piece. I would love to read your intense poem again once you make the edits. I'll gladly re-rate it if you just e-mail me. My email address is: janice48 Have a Nice Day!!. I look forward to hearing from you.
Keep On Writing , Keep Sharing with the Community And Rock On!!!
It's been an honor and pleasure to review your work!! Have A Wonderful Day,
General Disclaimer: I hope that my observations are in someway helpful, though I ask you to take into account that what I offer is only a personal opinion and respectfully given to you. Only you know what is right for your writing!
Title: Wake Up Call
Impression Of Title: The title is good, and fitting the content of the poem.
Spelling, grammar: I could find no errors.
Flow/Rhythm: The rhyme and flow are a little choppy.
Word Choice: Word selection is good and makes for easy reading.
Suggestions: I do have a suggestion on the form of your poem. Your sentence are to long which throws off the rhythm and flow of the poem. Here is an example on how I would do it:
She climbs into bed and wriggles between us,
her small sturdy body still warm from sleep.
I hug her to me, she squirms away and pats my face.
"Breakfast time, Mama?"
By doing this it will help your rhythm and flow better
Overall: What a funny poem you have written here. I can totally relate to this poem. Also, I give you kudos for putting in conversation in this poem, it is a very hard thing to do. This poem brings back memories of when my younger son told me he had walnuts. I looked around and didn't see any nuts. And asked him, "Timmy were are the nuts, did you eat them already?" He pointed down to his private parts and said, "No mama I got walnuts down here." So I know of the things your speak of. Kids really do say the darnest things. Good imagery, which helps the reader to see in her mind's eye what the poem is about and it also stimulates the imagination to see beyond the poem. I can really paint the scene and you did a great job setting the mood to it. I think that, with just a little bit of attention, this poem could really bloom into a wonderful piece. I would love to read your intense poem again once you make the edits. I'll gladly re-rate it if you just e-mail me. My email address is: janice48 Have a Nice Day!!. Looking forward to hearing from you.
Keep On Writing , Keep Sharing with the Community And Rock On!!!
It's been an honor and pleasure to review your work!! Have A Wonderful Day,
General Disclaimer: I hope that my observations are in someway helpful, though I ask you to take into account that what I offer is only a personal opinion and respectfully given to you. Only you know what is right for your writing!
Title: Angel
Impression Of Title: The title is good, and fitting the content of the poem.
Spelling, grammar: I could find no errors.
Flow/Rhythm: The rhyme scheme is good. The rhythm and flow are a little choppy
Rhyme: Rhyme is nice.
Word Choice: Word choice is good; nice use of repetition for emphasis of feeling.
Suggestions: I do have a few suggestions. First I would take out the spaces in between each stanza. This would make for a more easier read. Secondly, you have placed commas were they are not needed. Here is an example, this is how I would do it:
I gazed through starlight blinded eyes,
And felt great sorrow when she died.
Heart black as night no love within,
A love once lost decreed forever dead.
By doing this it will make your rhythm and flow much better.
Overall: Good imagery, which helps the reader to see in her mind's eye what the poem is about and it also stimulates the imagination to see beyond the poem. This poem is a very sad and emotional one. You conveyed the pain in this poem very well. The feelings come through and between every line. It grabs the reader's attention from the very beginning and keeps the reader's attention throughout. I think that, with just a little bit of attention, this poem could really bloom into a wonderful piece. I would love to read your intense poem again once you make the edits. I'll gladly re-rate it if you just e-mail me. My email address is:.
Keep On Writing , Keep Sharing with the Community And Rock On!!!
It's been an honor and pleasure to review your work!! Have A Wonderful Day,
General Disclaimer: I hope that my observations are in someway helpful, though I ask you to take into account that what I offer is only a personal opinion and respectfully given to you. Only you know what is right for your writing!
Title: The Eagle
Impression Of Title: The title is good, and fitting the content of the poem.
Spelling, grammar: I could find no errors.
Flow/Rhythm: The rhyme scheme is good, as is the rhythm. The flow is nice and easy. The form is lovely, being centered on the page, which makes it attractive to the eye.
Rhyme: Rhyme is nice.
Word Choice: Word choice is good; nice use of repetition for emphasis of feeling.
Suggestions: I do have a suggestion on punctuation. I would place a strategically placed comma at natural pauses will give emphasis to your thoughts as well as make the flow and rhythm even better in my opinion. Example:
Down she slips into the forest of dreams,
Surrounded by the suns hot beams.
On a branch she gently lands,
Before her unfolds a scene so grand.
Overall: What a great poem you have written here. This was an enjoyable piece that I am sure many will be able to relate to. The subject of love never gets boring, especially when written with such a heartfelt tone. Good imagery, which helps the reader to see in her mind's eye what the poem is about and it also stimulates the imagination to see beyond the poem. I can really paint the scene and you did a great job setting the mood to it. Good depth of feelings. Love is felt here. Subtle passion as well. You give a lot of description in this piece, which I really like. My favorite phrase is:
A voice rings through the summer air
She turns to find her lover there
Into his open arms she flies
As he looks so deep into her eyes
This is such a beautiful phrase, excellent in depth of emotion and the imagery is gorgeous with this phrase. I enjoyed reading your poetic words. Nicely Done!!
Keep On Writing , Keep Sharing with the Community And Rock On!!!
It's been an honor and pleasure to review your work!! Have A Wonderful Day,
General Disclaimer: I hope that my observations are in someway helpful, though I ask you to take into account that what I offer is only a personal opinion and respectfully given to you. Only you know what is right for your writing!
Title: Grandma
Impression Of Title: The title is good, and fitting the content of the poem.
Spelling, grammar: I could find no errors.
Flow/Rhythm: The rhythm and flow are a little choppy.
Word Choice: Word choice is good; nice use of repetition for emphasis of feeling.
Suggestions: Some of your lines are to long which throws off the rhythm and flow of the poem. I think the best thing you could do for this poem and any other poem you might write in the future is to read it out loud so you can hear how the rhythm and flow is. Sometimes it is hard to hear the words in your head correctly. While reading out loud, make sure all the syllables are the same. This will make your rhythm and flow better. Secondly, I would place a strategically placed comma at natural pauses will give emphasis to your thoughts as well as make the flow and rhythm even better in my opinion. Example:
She wears many hats to match her many roles,
She is a Wife, Mother and Grandmother.
She is an Artist, Philosopher and Traveler,
She is generous in her kindness and her love;
She is exact and she eccentric,
She is aged, and yet she is young.
Overall: What a lovely tribute you have written about your grandma. There is wonderful depth of emotion and so much feeling is expressed in every line. The reader can tell that you love your grandma very much and that the two of you have a very special relationship. You are are really wearing your heart on your sleeve in this poem, which is just lovely. Good imagery, which helps the reader to see in his or her mind's eye what the poem is about and it also stimulates the imagination to see beyond the poem. Very nice originality. You caught the reader's attention from the very first line and kept the reader's attention throughout. I think that, with just a little bit of attention, this poem could really bloom into a wonderful piece. I would love to read your intense poem again once you make the edits. I'll gladly re-rate it if you just e-mail me. My email address is: janice48 Have a Nice Day!!.
Keep On Writing , Keep Sharing with the Community And Rock On!!!
It's been an honor and pleasure to review your work!! Have A Wonderful Day,
General Disclaimer: I hope that my observations are in someway helpful, though I ask you to take into account that what I offer is only a personal opinion and respectfully given to you. Only you know what is right for your writing!
Title: Oh the Cost
Impression Of Title: The title is good, and fitting the content of the poem.
Spelling, grammar: I could find no errors.
Flow/Rhythm: The rhythm and flow was a little choppy.
Word Choice: Word choice is good; nice use of repetition for emphasis of feeling.
Suggestions: Some of your sentence are to long. I think the best thing you could do for this poem and any other poem you might write in the future is to read it out loud so you can hear how the rhythm and flow is. Sometimes it is hard to hear the words in your head correctly. While reading outloud make sure all the syllables are the same. This will help your rhythm and flow. Secondly, I would place a strategically placed comma at natural pauses will give emphasis to your thoughts as well as make the flow and rhythm even better in my opinion.
Overall: I found this poem is so heart catching, breath taking, and tear dropping. Really pulled at my heartstrings because of all the men and woman still fighting overseas for our freedom. I pray everyday that God will watch over them and bring them home safely. Good imagery, which helps the reader to see in his or her mind's eye what the poem is about and it also stimulates the imagination to see beyond the poem. There is very strong depth of emotion and feeling in every line. I can not even begin to imagine what their life is fighting for our country. This poem is a very sad and emotional one. You conveyed the pain in this poem very well. The feelings come through and between every line. It grabs the reader's attention from the very beginning and keeps the reader's attention throughout. Although this was a sad poem, none the less, I enjoyed reading your poetic words. Nicely Done!
Keep On Writing , Keep Sharing with the Community And Rock On!!!
It's been an honor and pleasure to review your work!! Have A Wonderful Day,
Disclaimer: Please remember that is only my opinion and is given with the intention of being constructive -- only you know what is right for your writing!
Title: Tanka Poem
Impression Of Title: A good title that is suitable to the subject of your poem.
Spelling,grammar: I could find no errors.
Flow/Rhythm: The rhythm and flow are a little choppy.
Word Choice: Word selection is good and makes for easy reading.
Suggestions: I do have a few suggestions. First off, some of your sentence are to long which throws of the rhythm and flow of the poem. I think the best thing you could do for this poem and any other poem you might write in the future is to read it out loud so you can hear how the flow is. Sometimes it is hard to hear the words in your head correctly. When reading your poem out loud, make sure the syllables are the same count. Next, punctuation. I would place a strategically placed comma at natural pauses will give emphasis to your thoughts as well as make the flow and rhythm even better in my opinion.
Overall: This is a good poem. Good imagery, which helps the reader to see in his or her mind's eye what the poem is about and it also stimulates the imagination to see beyond the poem. I also thought the picture added to your work. Very nice originality. You caught the reader's attention from the very first line and kept the reader's attention throughout. I think that, with just a little bit of attention, this poem could really bloom into a wonderful piece. I would love to read your intense poem again once you make the edits. I'll gladly re-rate it if you just e-mail me. My email address is: janice48 Have a Nice Day!!.
Keep Writing and Keep Sharing With The Community!
I consider it an honor and privilege to read your work.
"Random Thoughts and Cares" This is a Rising Stars "Member to Member Review" and you are a fellow Rising Star!
General Disclaimer: I hope that my observations are in someway helpful, though I ask you to take into account that what I offer is only a personal opinion and respectfully given to you. Only you know what is right for your writing!
Title: Alone and Sad
Impression Of Title: The title is good, and fitting the content of the poem.
Spelling, grammar and punctuation: I could find no errors.
Flow/Rhythm: The rhyme scheme is good, as is the rhythm. Form of the poem is good, and the flow is nice and easy. The form is lovely, being centered on the page, which makes it attractive to the eye.
Word Choice: Word choice is good; nice use of repetition for emphasis of feeling.
Overall: I found this poem is so heart catching, breath taking, and tear dropping. Good imagery, which helps the reader to see in his or her mind's eye what the poem is about and it also stimulates the imagination to see beyond the poem. While reading this, I did feel the deepest despair and agony of this person who is alone and sad. I can really paint the scene and you did a great job setting the mood to it. There is very strong depth of emotion and feeling in every line. Deep expression of emotion. Powerful! This poem is a very sad and emotional one. You conveyed the pain in this poem very well. The feelings come through and between every line. It grabs the reader's attention from the very beginning and keeps the reader's attention throughout. My favorite phrase is:
Life moves on, the saying goes,
With our input or without.
What will happen no one knows,
Only we can change the route.
This was a perfect way to end this poem. Sometimes we can write and write, but finding the ending line is difficult, but you have found the perfect one here. Although this was a sad poem, none the less, I enjoyed reading your poetic words. Nicely Done!
Keep On Writing , Keep Sharing with the Community And Rock On!!!
It's been an honor and pleasure to review your work!! Have a Wonderful Day,
Disclaimer: Please remember that is only my opinion and is given with the intention of being constructive -- only you know what is right for your writing!
Title: The Ocean
Impression Of Title: A good title that is suitable to the subject of your poem.
Spelling,grammar: I could find no errors.
Flow/Rhythm: The rhythm is good. Form of the poem is good, and the flow is nice and easy.
Suggestion: I do have a suggestion. I would place a strategically placed comma at natural pauses will give emphasis to your thoughts as well as make the flow and rhythm even better in my opinion.
Word Choice: Word selection is good and makes for easy reading.
Overall: What a lovely poem you have written here. You really used variety of words as well as metaphors and imagery that pertains to the senses to evoke feeling and picture. I really enjoy the imagery of it. I can really paint the scene and you did a great job setting the mood to it. This was an enjoyable piece that I am sure many will be able to relate to. The subject of love never gets boring, especially when written with such a heartfelt tone. Very nice originality. You caught the reader's attention from the very first line and kept the reader's attention throughout. My favorite phrase is:
The action of my love adorns you with
Presents of jetsam washed ashore
You wear my gifts, jewelry on your toes
Buried in the salted beaches I made
A chance for new existence grows
I call myself the Great Creator
This was a perfect way to end this poem. Sometimes we can write and write, but finding the ending line is difficult, but you have found the perfect one here. I enjoyed reading your poetic words. Nicely Done!
Keep Writing and Keep Sharing With The Community!
I consider it an honor and privilege to read your work.
Disclaimer: Please remember that is only my opinion and is given with the intention of being constructive -- only you know what is right for your writing!
Title: Without You
Impression Of Title: A good title that is suitable to the subject of your poem.
Spelling,grammar and punctuation: I could find no errors.
Flow/Rhythm: The rhyme scheme is good, as is the rhythm. Form of the poem is good, and the flow is nice and easy.
Rhyme: Rhyme is nice.
Word Choice: Word choice is good; nice use of repetition for emphasis of feeling.
Suggestions: I do have one suggestion. There are to many spaces between stanzas. I would have less space between stanzas.
Overall: I found this poem so heart catching, breath taking, and tear dropping. It really pulled at my heartstrings. Good imagery, which helps the reader to see in his or her mind's eye what the poem is about and it also stimulates the imagination to see beyond the poem. I can really paint the scene and you did a great job setting the mood to it. About a marriage that has ended, but, the wife would like her husband. I also think the picture added a lot to your work. I did feel the deepest despair and agony of this person. What a sad situation this person was forced to be in. This poem is a very sad and emotional one. You conveyed the pain in this poem very well. The feelings come through and between every line. It grabs the reader's attention from the very beginning and keeps the reader's attention throughout. My favorite phrase is:
We are now in the past.
I’ve accepted that our love did not last.
Will I be like you and move on to someone new?
I promise myself, one day I will when I stop loving
you.
This was a perfect way to end this poem. Sometimes we can write and write, but finding the ending line is difficult, but you have found the perfect one here. It shows that the woman will stop loving her husband, and continue on with living her life. Although this was a very sad poem, none the less, I enjoyed reading your poetic words.
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General Disclaimer: I hope that my observations are in someway helpful, though I ask you to take into account that what I offer is only a personal opinion and respectfully given to you. Only you know what is right for your writing!
Title: My Heart Remembers
Impression Of Title: The title is good, and fitting the content of the poem.
Spelling, grammar and punctuation: I could find no errors.
Flow/Rhythm: The rhythm is off and the flow is a little choppy.
Word Choice: Word choice is good; nice use of repetition for emphasis of feeling.
Suggestions: I do have one suggestion. Some of you lines were to long which throw off the rhythm and flow of the poem. I think the best thing you could do for this poem and any other poem you might write in the future is to read it out loud so you can hear how the flow is. Sometimes it is hard to hear the words in your head correctly. While reading your poem out loud, listen to the syllables and make sure they are all the same. This will help you rhythm and flow of your poem.
Overall: Parting ways in any relationship isn't an easy job. Here the poet has displayed grace through soft and kind words when two poeple are going their ways. I mean in today's world who would part ways like this. There would be more of speculations, blames and fights. But parting ways like this is a great way to burn all the grudges and live life afresh without ill-feelings. Good imagery, which helps the reader to see in his or her mind's eye what the poem is about and it also stimulates the imagination to see beyond the poem. There is very strong depth of emotion and feeling in every line. Very nice originality. You caught the reader's attention from the very first line and kept the reader's attention throughout. Although this was a sad poem, I enjoyed reading your poetic words.
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It's been an honor and pleasure to review your work!! Have A Wonderful Day,
Disclaimer: Please remember that is only my opinion and is given with the intention of being constructive -- only you know what is right for your writing!
Title: The Old Cottage
Impression Of Title: A perfect title that is suitable to the subject of your poem.
Spelling,grammar and punctuation: I could find no errors.
Flow/Rhythm: The rhythm is very good. Form of the poem is excellent, and the flow is nice and easy.
Word Choice: Word selection is perfect and makes for easy reading.
Suggestions: I saw nothing at all I would suggest for perfecting this piece.
Overall: I was nosing around your port and I found this little gem. What a lovely poem. Good imagery, which helps the reader to see in his or her mind's eye what the poem is about and it also stimulates the imagination to see beyond the poem. I could just picture in my mind someone shoveling off the snow from the roof of an old cottage. I really enjoy the imagery of it. I can really paint the scene and you did a great job setting the mood to it. You've obviously spent some very creative energy in the construction of this bit of verse, made this a wonderfully smooth read. This is a great concept for a poem. You're use of imagery makes the poem and gives it heart. Good job. You've created a very vivid piece, as you explain how you lifted the load off the roof, to give the cottage some relief. This poem was a most interesting read and kept my attention from start to finish! Very nice originality. The language in this poem is beautiful. I guess my favorite part (though it's hard to choose) is:
And so tonight I sleep
Comforted by her peace
For she will stand another day
Now pressure’s relieved.
This is such a beautiful phrase, excellent in depth of emotion and the imagery is gorgeous with this phrase. Just by reading this poem, the reader senses the closeness I can tell that you must have put a lot of time and effort into this poem,and I'am sure there were many revisions, but the reward is in the beautiful final copy of this poem. Thank you for sharing, and congratulations on such a beautiful poem! One in which I would highly recommend. My hat goes off to the author!!
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I consider it an honor and privilege to read your work.
Disclaimer: Please remember that is only my opinion and is given with the intention of being constructive -- only you know what is right for your writing!
Title: Drifting Home
Impression Of Title: A good title that is suitable to the subject of your poem.
Spelling,grammar: I could find no errors.
Flow/Rhythm: The rhythm is good. Form of the poem is good, and the flow is nice and easy.
Word Choice: Word choice is good; nice use of repetition for emphasis of feeling.
Suggestions: I do have a suggestion on punctuation. I would place a strategically placed comma at natural pauses will give emphasis to your thoughts as well as make the flow and rhythm even better in my opinion. Example:
I came to the door as empty,
A vessel set upon the sea.
Set adrift without a captain;
Wind and wave had carried me,
A hollow shell for all to see.
I would also delete the space in your stanzas. But, this is only my opinion, only you know what is right for your writing.
Overall: What a great poem you have written here. You give a lot of description in this piece, which I really like. You bring a strong image to the reader's mind, as well as a subtle emotion. This is a great concept for a poem. You're use of imagery makes the poem and gives it heart. Good job. I can really paint the scene and you did a great job setting the mood to it. I also found this poem to be very inspirational. It shows so well how it feels when one is willing to let the false sense of self go and become one with God. He does all of these things and more, giving a sense of peace and relief in the wake of fear and pride. A wonderful message. Very nice originality. You caught the reader's attention from the very first line and kept the reader's attention throughout. The language in this poem is beautiful. I guess my favorite part is:
And now surrounded by the warmth
My cup, it overflows
Saved from evil by love that grows
My captain, my savior
Holds the light that always glows
This is such a beautiful phrase, excellent in depth of emotion and the imagery is gorgeous with this phrase. This was a perfect way to end this poem. Sometimes we can write and write, but finding the ending line is difficult, but you have found the perfect one here. Simply lovely. This is a very good piece. I enjoy reading spiritual pieces. Thanks for sharing this! Very Nicely Done!!
Keep Writing and Keep Sharing With The Community!
I consider it an honor and privilege to read your work.
General Disclaimer: I hope that my observations are in someway helpful, though I ask you to take into account that what I offer is only a personal opinion and respectfully given to you. Only you know what is right for your writing!
Title: Only time will tell
Impression Of Title: The title is good, and fitting the content of the poem.
Spelling, grammar: I could find no errors.
Flow/Rhythm: The rhythm is off and the flow is choppy
Word Choice: Word choice is good; nice use of repetition for emphasis of feeling.
Suggestions: I do have a few suggestions. First off, some of your lines are to long which throws of the rhythm and flow of the poem. I think the best thing you could do for this poem and any other poem you might write in the future is to read it out loud so you can hear how the rhythm and flow is. Sometimes it is hard to hear the words in your head correctly. While reading your poem outloud, make sure you listen to the syllables to make sure they are the same. Secondly, I would place a strategically placed comma at natural pauses will give emphasis to your thoughts as well as make the flow and rhythm even better in my opinion. Example of punctuation:
How do you handle that?
How do you respond?
That moment where your heart sinks so low to the ground,
that you’re not sure you can pick it back up.
Overall: You conveyed the message of addiction very well in this poem. I think that writing difficult pieces like this one that put your causes of concern out there are something every writer should pursue at least on occasion. This is one of the best avenues to incite change upon. Well done. I think that, with just a little bit of attention, this poem could really bloom into a wonderful piece. I would love to read your intense poem again once you make the edits. I'll gladly re-rate it if you just e-mail me. My email address is: janice48 Have a Nice Day!!. Looking forward to hearing from you.
Keep On Writing , Keep Sharing with the Community And Rock On!!!
It's been an honor and pleasure to review your work!! Have A Wonderful Day,
General Disclaimer: I hope that my observations are in someway helpful, though I ask you to take into account that what I offer is only a personal opinion and respectfully given to you. Only you know what is right for your writing!
Title: MY "TO DO" LIST
Impression Of Title: The title is perfect, and fitting the content of the poem.
Spelling, grammar and punctuation: I could find no errors.
Flow/Rhythm: The rhyme scheme is very good, as is the rhythm. The flow is nice and easy. The form is lovely, being centered on the page, which makes it attractive to the eye.
Rhyme: Rhyme is nice.
Word Choice: Word selection is perfect and makes for easy reading.
Suggestions: I can't find any suggestions to make this poem better.
Overall: I was nosing around your port and I found this little gem. I can truly relate to this poem, and I think a lot of people who read this, will be able to relate to this as well. I too, have a very hectic schedule so I know of the things of which you speak. Good imagery, which helps the reader to see in his or her mind's eye what the poem is about and it also stimulates the imagination to see beyond the poem. Like I said before I can really relate to this poem and I can really paint the scene and you did a great job setting the mood to it. You give a lot of description in this piece, which I really like. You bring a strong image to the reader's mind, as well as a subtle emotion. This poem was true to the subject and carried the message well. Very nice originality. You caught the reader's attention from the very first line and kept the reader's attention throughout. I guess my favorite part (though it's hard to choose) is:
Steve'll be home early
Looking for fun.
I'd better get ready;
I really must run!
This was a perfect way to end this poem. Sometimes we can write and write, but finding the ending line is difficult, but you have found the perfect one here. I really enjoyed reading this because it was so beautifully written. I consider this a very good read, and one which I would highly recommend. I give it highest marks. My hat goes off to the author!
Keep On Writing , Keep Sharing with the Community And Rock On!!!
It's been an honor and pleasure to review your work!! Have A Wonderful Day,
Disclaimer: Please remember that is only my opinion and is given with the intention of being constructive -- only you know what is right for your writing!
Title: Take Me, Oh Death
Impression Of Title: A good title that is suitable to the subject of your poem.
Spelling,grammar and punctuation: I could find no errors.
Flow/Rhythm: The rhythm was good. The flow was nice and easy. The form was also good.
Word Choice: Word choice is good; nice use of repetition for emphasis of feeling.
Overall: I found this poem kind of dark. Also sad too. Good imagery, which helps the reader to see in his or her mind's eye what the poem is about and it also stimulates the imagination to see beyond the poem.I can really paint the scene and you did a great job setting the mood to it. You speak of death and the life after death. You conveyed this message very well in your poem. This is a great concept for a poem. You're use of imagery makes the poem and gives it heart. You give a lot of description in this piece, which I really like. You bring a strong image to the reader's mind, as well as a subtle emotion. Very nice originality. This poem captures the attention of the reader from the very first line and keeps the reader's attention throughout. My favorite phrase is:
Take me, Oh Death, embrace me,
For past you lies the light!
Through the pause I'll swiftly fly
Into God's immortal sight.
This was a perfect way to end this poem. Sometimes we can write and write, but finding the ending line is difficult, but you have found the perfect one here. I must say that I think this was a pleasure to read and wondefully written. Very Nicely Done!
Keep Writing and Keep Sharing With The Community!
I consider it an honor and privilege to read your work.
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