Wow... emotional, raw, intense. This was hauntingly good! I understand this is reality and just want to tell you well done to facing up to your abusers and being true to yourself. While smack against popular belief, we ARE not here on Earth to be liked by others. Being true to oneself and maintaining a degree of personal ethics and integrity is ALL that matters. God speed Dazani! Keep writing.
I actually saved this piece as found it very informative! Loved point 2 as my dad is also a writer for some 40 years now and I one day, suddenly decided I wanted to give it a try. Haven't written a lot but do enjoy it!
Your piece above is true, informative (like I said) and a great written work in itself!
That was a true bloody delight to read my friend! All dialogue, but each line formed the clear picture every time! Hilarious as well; I was laughing out loud right at the get go with the Beryl and barrel gag - that was great Sir!
And loved the little twist at the end! Please continue to share your comedy writing as it's exactly what the world needs right now!
Thought I'd stop by and read and review your work! My review below is purely my honest opinion, yet will be positive, helpful and encouraging! Writing is creativity and you can't always judge someone's creation!
First impression: I almost didn't read this as not a woman and didn't seem like my thing. But genuinely enjoyed this little tale I have to say.
Story/Poem itself: I learned a lot, can you it was written from truth - meaning you are of course a mother yourself - you have to be. It was beautiful and engaging. I liked this line a lot:
"Yes, my kids are my satellites, natural as well as human-made."
Any editing/writing suggestions: Some obvious editing and grammatical corrections but I won't list them as you've I'm sure found them.
Thought I'd stop by and read and review your work! My review below is purely my honest opinion, yet will be positive, helpful and encouraging! Writing is creativity and you can't always judge someone's creation!
First impression: Simply a great read and gives a very positive ending indeed!
Story/Poem itself: Short, catchy and fun to read and share! And of course very true - ones must have their wallets full at all times!
Any editing/writing suggestions: Not that I could see.
Thought I'd stop by and read and review your work! My review below is purely my honest opinion, yet will be positive, helpful and encouraging! Writing is creativity and you can't always judge someone's creation!
First impression: Loved it and read it the whole way through without a moments doubt!
Story/Poem itself: I've read your poetry before and as always - fantastic and ends with a positive message!
Any editing/writing suggestions: Nope! All splendid!
Thought I'd stop by and read and review your work!
My review below is purely my honest opinion, yet will be positive, helpful and encouraging! Writing is creativity and you can't always judge someone's creation!
First impression: Good writing to me - engaging, smooth and concise. I have to say I didn't read till the end, but not because I didn't enjoy it, because I was clearly missing the first two chapters so hadn't the foggiest what was going on.
Story/Poem itself: Liked what I read so far, definitely pulled me in.
Any editing/writing suggestions: Some minor grammatical errors but easy to fix and ones you have probably already spotted. I do feel you could have given a little more description, so we got a taste of the scenario and your world.
Loved this. Absolutely brilliant and a wake up call to the reader. We are own death and destruction and this short piece clearly communicates (at least to me it did): we need to DO something. Good job!
Hi Sinbad! I'm back for a while. You reviewed my work ages ago if you recall. Anyway, this was a great article of truth. Every point is 100% spot on, man. I'm a very religious person, but in a practical sense - what tools I can use in life to achieve a happier life and the points you state here are brilliant. It's a really great thing you're doing. Thank you.
Hello! Michael Alexander here, at your service!
Thought I'd stop by and read and review your work! My review below is purely my honest opinion, yet will be positive, helpful and encouraging! Writing is creativity and you can't always judge someone's creation!
First impression: Loved the beginning. I liked the characters and liked the setting. I only read the first few chapters, however. You should break this down by chapter in your port so that each one can be reviewed on its own.
Story/Poem itself: Great. I really liked Alexandra and Johnathan.
Any editing/writing suggestions: Good narrative and good descriptors overall. I think some of the sentences stretched on a little though and overall it definitely needs more spacing - the paragraphs are far too large.
Hello! Michael Alexander here, at your service!
Thought I'd stop by and read and review your work! My review below is purely my honest opinion, yet will be positive, helpful and encouraging! Writing is creativity and you can't always judge someone's creation!
First impression: Don't care for psychology I have to admit and will not rant why, but your words were harmless and true, so all is well. This read like a poem or something though, which I didn't quite get. What is this sample for?
Story/Poem itself: Fine. Won't say more.
Any editing/writing suggestions: Nope, just as above, might want to clarify what the purpose of this piece is.
Hello! Michael Alexander here, at your service!
Thought I'd stop by and read and review your work! My review below is purely my honest opinion, yet will be positive, helpful and encouraging! Writing is creativity and you can't always judge someone's creation!
First impression: Intriguing little first chapter and the idea did hook me.
Story/Poem itself: Obviously, this was only 207 words, but the story itself is a good idea and one that could definitely be made into something.
Any editing/writing suggestions: While I liked the idea, I'm afraid this piece was full of errors, grammatical and otherwise. I presume you're a student foreigner so will let you off the hook for a very good attempt! I tried to read your bio, but you've not filled it out. It would be a good idea to do this so others on the site can understand you a little more and help you write the work you want.
To help you, below is your entire piece, which I've edited for you, however only the very basic errors. You will need to spot what you did wrong so you can learn from it. I've put in parenthesis what you did wrong. Parenthesis are these just in case:()
"It (capital I) was a dark night and Triston (you left the t out) (I removed for) was in his room reading some ancient book. (period, not comma)
A (capital at the beginning of every sentence) few minutes later (you mispelled later) Triston begins to hear his father talking and he slowly walks out of his room to the room his father's in (not at).
He (again capital) saw a man wearing a dark black hat and cloak-like jacket, and the man begins to speak
"We (capital W) must not let anyone find out about the cybertronic universe." period after each sentence finished.) The (capital) man said to Triston's father (' is used when referring to someone's belongings or relation such as it is Triston's, you wouldn't say it was Triston),
as Triston (capital) heard that he began to be shocked wondering what the cybertronic universe was. The man was suddenly about to leave the room, his eyes turned a blue color as he glared at Triston but he didn't suspect Triston heard everything as he walked away. after the man left Triston ran to his room and got out his ancient book. As Triston put his hand on top of the book it began to glow and transformed into a different book.
Triston read the book and learned about the cybertronic universe.
The next day Triston left the house for school, instead of going to school he went to this (which building?) building and saw the man there (is this the same man with the blue eyes, you need to tell the reader and describe it), he followed the man to a room inside the building and then the mans eyes turned blue and his whitish (spelled whitish wrong) hair flowed backwards as a portal appeared. As the man walked into (you spelled into wrong) the (you missed the t on the) portal, (comma here as there's a slight pause) he disappeared. Triston was shocked, but out of curiosity, stepped through the portal as well. (changed this a little)
The portal lead Triston to another place, like (like, not liek) another world.
Hello! Michael Alexander here, at your service!
Thought I'd stop by and read and review your work! My review below is purely my honest opinion, yet will be positive, helpful and encouraging! Writing is creativity and you can't always judge someone's creation!
First impression:
Jesus, that was incredible! I read the whole thing super fast it was that good and hooked me from the get go!
Story/Poem itself:
Perfect little thriller story! What more can I say. Really liked the twist and the back and forth. Is this part of a whole book or was this just a short story. I highly recommend making this into a longer piece, you could really build into it and make the climax unforgettable!
Any editing/writing suggestions: Nope, was superbly written I thought! Great job!
Dude!!! You're amazing! Seriously! I love your stories! Hilarious, witty, charming, sad at times, but most importantly you give a strong and powerful message it seems in each one! I'm afraid you officially have me as a fan! I'll be reading everything you have as I genuinely enjoy reading your works!
Are you a published author? You must be right with your talent? Please get in touch and let me know how I can support you.
When I read your work, my little thriller/suspense novella seems pathetic! Again, you're an inspiration to us all!
I have three words for you. Just three. But they mean a lot and i think will help point you in the direction. A direction that is very much needed. Are you ready for these three words?
i loved this a lot and this time checked out all the different avenues of stories! it's completely bonkers, but a whole lot of fun! but not sure you managed to review my chapter yet? I hope so, as I think it will make it a lot more fun for this interactive story!
Great story chapter here my friend, though it was terribly hard to read it! You're lucky I'm patient and nice. You definitely need to fix it up so that it reads easier and not all mushed together.
Otherwise, nice mystery story, good description, but again found it hard to take in due to the way it's laid out. Do you need help with that?
Gorgeous in every words and flowed beautifully! I have two brothers and 2 sisters, but I grew up with my youngest brother and we really bonded and still do! Made me think about him.
I loved the story within the poem, that really takes thought I think. Not a poet myself, but when something makes you really think and confront life and smile happy memories, then what could be better! :)
Wow man... that had some serious meaning! I have to say, I had no idea what the hell Tanka was, so had to look it up! Always learning new things!
I enjoyed reading this tanka and it made me think, albeit random thoughts, it made me think! well done once again to mystical and wonderful words of wisdom from Geoff!!! Always a delight man!
Hi Awesome Tony! I liked this a lot and thought it was very interesting and a good, original idea which felt real. All I will say however is that pretty much the entire story was dialogue and very little description, detail or even the acceptable amount of "he saids". But honestly man, a great story you got here and I can see YOU have it all in your head, so you've now got to work out how to convey it through words! That's where it gets fun! But it does take time, energy, probably some late nights - work!
I really hope the best for you man! Writing is creative and does a world of good in a such a f***ed up world! So stick to it!
Hi Anna. I read all of this and did find it very touching and moving, so much so that I could tell, even before reading your authors note that you were clearly writing from experience. I'm sorry about your past losses and hope you've overcome them in natural ways. Creative writing and getting active in life and doing things and just flourishing and prospering is all one needs to concentrate on.
The story itself again was touching and interesting, though would be largely improved through a full proofread, to fix the many grammatical errors, lack of comas, etc. Then try and format the whole thing, give it more spacing, break up the dialogue between the body text so it's easier to read.
Again, a really touching and lovely story written from the heart! Carry on my dear! :)
Beautiful piece of writing here sinbad! Very emotional and moving. What kind of style of writing is this? It's almost poetic and fictional.
I particularly liked:
You are walking again in that red dress, it could be a flash of lightening in human-form, it could be a fingerprint from a dream that came before I did,
you are as the dying sun and the half-birthed moon, a moon from the another night, when they played the song for the first time, you circle my limbs and when we reach the tree, I kiss you breathlessly – you seem to climb into my head, like you found the room where you’d left a piece behind,
when we return to the shed it’s the dark that surrounds us and a primeval longing fills the floor of the world – we know we are on our astral ways before the restaurant’s offer succor.
I'll be reading more and hope you the same. I've updated my novella quite a but and I hope you'll notice the improvements.
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