I really enjoyed this! I liked the pace - great effort in such a small amount of time!
"They were laughing about faking the kidnapping. You have to stop her. Make her pay for pretending to be kidnapped." - I don't understand if this is true or not! Why would the clone be laughing?
Really fantastic interpretation on the 'magical' skill of a seamstress. Nothing is more magical that a mother's love for her child!
Highlight:
The edge was frayed where the yarn had come loose.
The binding was gone and a hole had been worn, the result of love and not from abuse.
"Why, you should have told me that it was torn."
I found a good rhythm to the poem, but a few lines seemed to have too many syllables.
Vastly better than anything I could have created, though! Thank you.
That was definitely a success! I am entertained. Never once whilst reading it did I find myself thinking critically of it, which allowed me to really enjoy the story. I know very little of Egyptian Gods or their mythologies, but still found this piece really easy to read. It reads really well - always on the move, always answering questions whilst presenting new ones.
I am not going to say what I felt it was lacking, as you clearly never intended to add it in the first place. Gory action scenes depicting Throth unleashing all of his might upon countless hordes of baddies wouldn't quite have fitted in, would it?
I only rate and review the works I really like, and out of those I still average around a 3.5. High praise indeed for this piece!
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