Well for a poem it does display the thoughts and emotions that include early life to the present
The last line
use on me my own hard measuring stick
really sets up the philosophy of how and why we see ourselves as we do
Very well described
Perhaps you should worry less about making it rhyme and more about presenting the idea
James
A sad little story depicting in most cases real life and what people settle for for too long
The main character is very believable and the descriptions are well done
You can easily have empathy for the main character and hated for her husband
Well done
Wildly descriptive for something as simple as soup. The simple things seem to go unnoticed in everyday life. This would make an outstanding paragraph for a story. You have actively described the season and the weather all in the same paragraph
A very cute well described story
Not really sure how scary it is but the background for the little girl makes it all work. The last line seals its however it still leaves it open to speculation
It is possible that your main character is responsible and the child merely saw everything
Interesting internal narrative
A conversation and debate that is one hundred percent internal that displays the emotional flow of the individual
The thoughts and the ideas can strike a chord in most people
May need perhaps a bit more description
A cute little story , your main character is well done and believable
The described actions of the character work quite well as well as the descriptions of the environment
You can feel the characters dilemma increase as options disappear
All in all well written
Not really sure if it is SciFi but an interesting story all the same
The illusions and delusions of life abound in this short piece
I would never have guessed at the last line
Very well done to drag your attention into believing the conversation has two parts instead of one
Well written and amusing
Ahh for the arrogance of man , God exists to control the fates and be blamed for the blunders
A very interesting take on the universe as we currently know it , entire galaxies disappear in a blink of an eye
It all suggests how feeble mans attempts to understand the universe really are
The story flows very well and your character(s) are very believable
an interesting insight into the life of two famous actors.
Not really sure if it authentic however it reads very well and could possibly be taken from a page of history
You have done an excellent job , creating an atmosphere and mood for this piece
Keep writing
beautiful description and well written
I love the effect of the magic being performed by the elf , making it her duty to call for and then put the sun to bed for the night
The description of the bay with the fog sets up a surreal moment
Very well done , i am glad to have read it
keep writing
Very emotionally filled piece
Almost borders on poetry
The emotions of the character begging for forgiveness into the void , not clear if he or she is thinking them as thoughts or talking to another probably because it is set as a narrative
all in all an interesting insight into the character
A very original concept in the fact that it is three minutes and he can't do anything about it
Generally authors go with the route that the future can be changed
I can already see massive conflicts to play with in the rest of the story
You have set up a very sad start for the character , he is in full trauma
The character is believable right from the start and you can empathize with him
very entertaining tale that deals with physiological dramas being played out by the main character
For me i would have ended the tale at
He explained that it had begun when I was a child... That my father was sexually abusive to my mother, as well as to me. He use to dress me up like a little girl... He use to do those... things. I went into foster care after cutting his throat. He always called me Tina...
and left the rest to the reader to image what happened next
it was a good read
I really like the start of this story , it sets about in subtle ways to explain a brand new world rising form the ashes of the old
A nasty time to be alive , inerrant with dangers from all directions. You have an unwilling hero that only persists because of memories of her past
A very good read and excellent start
wow what a sad endearing story
amongst all of the violence , there is now hope , a new world beacons
The anguish of the main character is rampant through out the story illustrating his loss, his pain and hopelessness
You then present a small child with a similar story and you feel her acceptance of her loss
worth many a chuckle
seems Like an Ode to a computer
You have any and all of my sympathies
I too have had many an interaction not only with DELL but alas Microsoft as well
It seems that it is more then OKay to sell what is broken to the steaming masses
I recommend Linux and in particular for those un-accustomed to Linux; Linux Mint ( now version 10 or 11)
A seamless install that takes less than 30 minutes , unlike others we have already mentioned
The OS is robust and even though I can Not say will never crash, rarely does
The fact that it is free creates a lot less anger towards your offending computer
Alas I still have to run a computer or two on Windows and the pain I suffer is great
Hmmm at least its not a DELL
a very sweet and endearing story about a mailbox and bureaucracy at its finest
It reads almost like poetry where quite a few of the ending words rhyme
I was amazed at how well they ploughed the ditches because most places never do that LOL
A very descriptive piece
A very good tale indeed
Seems like your main character has had a completely awesome day LOL
It follows so well into Murphys Law what can go wrong will
You can feel ever so sorry for the main character and empathize with him on so many levels especially after you finish laughing
I guess you shouldn't laugh if this is a true story
Not a bad start to a philosophical debate. using colours to illustrate emotions. Seems that much much is being remembered as being good. From Buddhism it states that All is pain and suffering. That is what you seem to have portrayed here. However from Buddhism what is really meant is that you can view your life and only see the pain or you can look for the good in it and live by that instead. Your introduction to God as well does not look in a favorable light , by washing away they stains you are left with nothing
very well done story about a sound
The story flows very well and the characters are well defined and believable
Perhaps the main character has a fear of living alone
There are a wealth of possibilities to produce his mental state and it is good that it was never clearly defined. It causes the reader to fill it in with their own imagination
this is a very endearing and heart warming story
Your characters are very real and the dialog fits wonderfully into the story
How your characters interact makes the whole story believable
You have painted a beautiful picture of days gone past
A very readable and enjoyable storyline
First bear in mind that I am not a proof reader but there seems to be some punctuation issues with the story.
IE
Left in trust to oversee his master’s manor and the few servants that worked there, Orpheus used the opportunity dismissing the servants for the weekend with pay he broke into his master’s study one last time taking several magical tomes with him as he ran off intending to become a great wizard on his own.
needs to be broken up better
The story itself is well thought out and your characters are okay but probally need to be a touch more defined for the reader
very good , misdirection right up to the very end
it is well told and follows very well
Your characters are very believable and you can feel the pain and anguish from her
This is an often played emotion when people have to deal with loss, denial is the first thing that has to be overcome and I think you have presented that well
Hmm , well written and to the point
It succeeds in leaving the reader in the dark as to motives. A very good opening for a story
The characters are well laid out and believable
I like the fact that the main character has no memory of how he got there and what anything is about
You introduce your villain good way making her seem almost innocent for a short time. good misdirection
keep writing
james
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