This story is enjoyable on many levels, and the content is comprehensible even to someone who has never heard the song you mention.
The syntactic elements are well done, and the simple language stands out. On the other hand, there were some details that could have been omitted without missing anything, and it would have been nice to know what this coworker's favourite song was before you talked about the mistake instead of putting it at the end.
Nonetheless, the story was well written overall, and you have clinched the win for this month's round!
This story was funny, and we both enjoyed the joke. The imagery was great, and we could see what was happening with some detail. However, we thought the story introduced more themes than were necessary, themes that distracted from the main purpose of the piece (to share a humorous mishearing).
That said, we both enjoyed the content of the story, and its merits have earned an honourable mention.
Congratulations, and thanks for participating in this month's round!
We like that the story starts out with the mondegreen right in the beginning. The memory takes front and center stage and little other than what is necessary is provided. The writing accentuates the essential comedy of the mishearing by the way the story is told. The star of the show is the mondegreen, and you make sure that we know it.
This is an adorable story about your granddaughter. The dialogue is natural and interesting, and the mistake understandable. If the setting had been described more, I would have enjoyed that, but it's totally fine the way it is now and I know there were restraints.
The structure and punctuation of the sentences is fine, and merely for stylistic fluff, it would be nice if the dialogue was spaced out more, for easier reading.
Your entry was sweet, and was a contender for first place, at least in my (OnlyMagicInkGlows) opinion.
However, we couldn't choose it as the winner because: empathyp felt that the description was too literary, and the word choices don't fit with natural storytelling and OnlyMagicInkGlows was confused by what you intended to say with 'Why isn't it happy then?"
The events expressed in this story are what stand out to me most. The story is interesting, and the premise plausible. However, I wish that you could have expressed the story more personably, including, perhaps, emotions about how the speaker feels about being teased, unable to remember the correct wording, and how she feels now about being able to sing the words correctly.
The sentences are short, which reinforces the idea of the speaker being young, and it almost feels like this is an essay entry wherein which the speaker is talking about these events. However the shortness of the sentences impedes the word flow, and it is because of these elements that we couldn't pick your entry as this round's winner.
The content is expressed humorously and I love that you'd didn't strive for a gag in your telling but rather expressed the memories held within your memorable mishearing. The beginning, though an excellent setup for what follows, could be more concisely expressed, though there's plentiful use of I, which makes for a very personal story that we both thoroughly enjoyed.
However, we weren't able to pick your entry as this round's winner because we felt the mondegreen wasn't made the star of the piece but rather a supporting feature.
We liked your piece and want to thank you for entering such beautiful piece in the contest!
This is funny, nostalgic, and heartwarming. The material is thoroughly enjoyable on many levels. I particularly enjoyed the "Where is English class?" line. I remember when I took my first S.A.T. test. My mother assured me that there were probably going to be children from the school who knew what was what.
We walked back and forth down several halls until one of the teachers noticed us.
In terms of the actual poem: the structure was immediately recognizable, the emoticons gave it spice and personality, and as I mentioned earlier, the subject is fantastic. The only critique I give is that sometimes the rhymes don't feel 'natural'. The wording choice is obviously contrived, but the style seems more formal anyway, so this isn't a big deal.
Good job!
This is actually my first WDC mad libs, so pardon if my advice doesn't quite make sense. Overall, it was very intuitive, although I'm not sure if it's totally necessary to include the underscores in such prompts as "something_you_put_liquid_in"
Overall it was incredibly good and very funny and the only thing I really have to offer are tiny little issues. For the initial prompts, there was inconsistency in the names of things. For instance, you labelled the foods 1, 2, and 3, but place has place and place2, and there's thing and thing1.
There's only two main grammar issues "They took junky old bus". There should be a possessive 's here; and the final sentence should have past tense "made" instead of "make".
Here's my complete Mad Libs! It was July and each day was 89 , unseasonably so. Jules need a vacation from the tequila store, so she called her friend Alvin. Together they decided to go to the Londres. They took Alvin junky old bus along with a picnic basket full of chilaquiles and nachos and cake.
When they got to the Londres it was packed like a glass. Alvin busted through the crowd and plunked them next to a barre. The kid on the blanket next to them gave them stink eye. Now, he couldn't play his Monopoly.
Jules and Alvin vine out of the same can . Alvin bought Jules a ball . Jules sadness it. She went to the queen and wrote Alvin using boligrafo . Alvin felt sweetness .
At the end of the day, Jules and Alvin went Madrid. Jules confessed she wouldn't change a thing and Alvin wished he hadn't had eaten nachos because it make him vine.
The information is good that you provide, so the only reason that I'm giving this four stars is because the readibility is so poor. The Â's scattered all over the piece inhibit quick reading and the large number of bolded words is a slight annoyance.
But other than those issues, the information is good, the opinion is clearly expressed, and the structure is logical.
This was an enjoyable story; I laughed to myself a few times. The feel of the story is very professional, it reads like an excerpt from a chapter. The only thing wrong with it, as far as I could tell, was the lack of description, which left me with nothing to build upon in terms of visualisation except the fact that the the names and locations were Indian. Adding more imagery would make this enjoyable story even better.
Each stanza has a clear rhyme scheme, but I don't see any other connection between them, in terms of the expressions used.
It almost seems like each stanza is distinct and each line of each stanza is distinct. Add that to the elliptical ending and the whole poem gives the effect that you merely rhymed with whatever weird line came to mind.
The imagery in the first and fourth quatrains is clear and interesting, but the others seem to lack direction?
Nonetheless, the poem itself has a clear rythym in the way the lines are written.
This is an excellent reference for caring and keeping cherry barbs. Although, since it seems like nonfiction, and there seem to be multiple requirements, you might want to consider replacing the "children's" genre listing with "How to/advice" instead.
I'm a little curious about the fact that you included a FAQ's section and didn't fill it out? Do you mean to at some future date?
The questions and information you provide are very good, and would be a perfect match for a advertisement brochure that you would perhaps find in a pet store. If, however, you have personal experience raising cherry barbs and don't mind making it a longer piece, including anecdotes, practices you adopt, and other personal details would make this a more interesting read.
Is this fiction? It doesn't seem written in the 'fictional' style, if you know what I mean.
To me, this passage on shape shifters reminds me of text one would find in a book about shifters within the fictional world.
Or, perhaps, it's going to be part of a prologue, where different cultural differences are explained. This piece is tagged as 'Cultural' but doesn't make more than a sweeping generalization about cultural differences. A compare-contrast passage between a culture that views shifters as evil and one that views shifters and powerful, perhaps even magical or divine, would be interesting and provide explicit elements of contrast that could be played up within a larger world.
I hope I'm not off the mark giving this advice, because the whole energy of the story seems geared towards a larger piece or is setup for such a piece. The provided information is an excellent springboard for a fascinating and complex plot that could potentially be set within multiple genres.
This is an interesting format of poem; I'm not sure I've ever heard of a sedoka before. But I do think that the form is perfect for the subject matter - the short lines emphasize the fractured, evanescent quality of memory.
I think some punctuation could be added, however, for some of the lines, to clearly demarcate the fact that they're supposed to be the end of thoughts.
The interesting thing about this piece is the fact that you specifically mention that you did not gather in a dining room for Thanksgiving. This is a wonderful phrase to raise questions in a reader's mind.
I am personally a fan of the psalmic format; I even wrote a psalm-style poem for a fantasy project and enjoyed it every step of the way. The psalm is a dreadfully underused style of poetry because it has religious, especially Christian religious, connotations, but it is also one of the most beautiful forms there are.
The ellipses are a little unusual in psalmic works and, to me at least, leaves the sentences feeling unfinished. If their aim was to create a flow, try removing the endline punctuation; that works as well.
Btw, I like how it begins "Psalm of Ruwth". It makes it sound so personal and lovely.
Overall, this was a really good psalm, and I hope you keep writing more!
This is a really sweet memory; the details are recalled very beautifully, and there is so much nostalgia in it.
There is plenty of gorgeous imagery, and it is clear that this memory is very important to you.
One thing that could be improved is the transitions between paragraphs, to better signify the continuity between the details and events in the story.
The tone is absolutely wonderful: you use the word 'were' to refer to your friend, Sandra, so it appears that you lost touch with her - this shows a bit of pain in your otherwise happy memory that makes it all so much richer.
This is quite well put together; there is the sound of officiality to it that speaks of research. Yet, I don't see any unique information. This seems to be a mere introduction, a general statement of well-known facts about proteins. If it was meant to be an introduction, it was very, very well done. Otherwise, it feels like it should have continued, perhaps to a list of some proteins and their properties, but it didn't.
This seems like a well-filled bio for a character in any game or story. However, there are a couple things that could be improved or clarified.
For example, in the pro section, the term "excellent condition". I take this to mean excellent physical condition, as in muscle tone, but this isn't quite clear, and some explanation would be appreciated.
Then, in the description, the part that says "seeking to get back in her family's good graces." This is something that could have been saved for a bio block, an area that could also include more details on how she disappointed her family.
Just so you know, immediately scrolling past the video isn't helpful. Watching the video preview doesn't make a difference. "View count" is the number of times it's been clicked on and begun. CTR or click through rate, is the number of times it has been clicked. These contribute to the suggested videos bit, not how many times you've literal seen it.
On the other hand, the other suggestions are great.
This is an intriguing beginning with some tension that hints toward some backstory or context other than the story reveals. The dialogue is natural, if formal, and also contains a hint toward subtext.
However, the writing feels choppy, as if there were too many periods. You might want to consider adding other types of punctuation and transition phrases in order to improve word flow.
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