I'm not sure this peace could stand alone. it has potential, however I didn't really get it until I read the explanation. maybe if the concept was turned into a short story, or even just a longer poem. having said that after I read the explanation I reread the poem and loved it.
I like it, and I don't usually like poetry at all. but I read this with some creepy music in the background and nearly pooped myself. good rhymes, creepy concept, and It really gives you something to think about after reading it. over all I think this is a very good poem, its not to long, and also not boring. good job man.
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