Sorry, but after reading, I wasn't aroused at all. Maybe it's the language, or the flow, but somehow it seems artificial to me. Something is lacking - the sensual part or description. There's lack of a natural flow and the ending was quite disappointing.
Some spelling error like 'orgasm' spelled as 'oragasim'. This certainly turns me off as the sexual part was about to heighten.
Anyway, good try for a start. I wouldn't be able to write like that myself. Maybe in future story, try include some plots - like 'love' and 'hate' then make up in the end or something. Description is most important for erotica. Best of luck. Keep going.
I am inspired after reading this testimony. Yes, we have to believe that God works for the good of those who love him. The most important is to 'believe.' I have experienced many His blessings just by being obedient and serving.
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