This is very strong on drama and atmosphere.. I feel it would ber helped if we were given a little more biographical detail on one or possibily two of the characters. This were help to draw the reader in and could be done in a way that does not sacrifice too much information which may need to be reserved for later. The story clearly has strong potential but I wonder if the elements which will make it unique need to be more strongly hinted at in this chapter. Just enough to tantalize and really grab the reader early on.
Powerful, with just a hint of self delusion. Yea she's over him but you wouldn't want to bet on her reaction if he walked through the door. Emotionally highly believable. The reference to Peggy will really hurt when he reads it and all the cotton candy in the world will not stop her wondering what might have been.
As a man I know how this letter would make me feel.
This is fun. The writing is clear and entertaining. I want to know more. How hot is the fire on their breathe? What do they eat? How long do they live? And if I need to ward off a river dragon does it need to be a centipede? Will a millipede do it?
The great virtue of this writing is it stimulates the imagination, even in those of us a long way from childhood. A joy in itself and also with great potential for development. Is there going to be an illustrated edition?
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