Grammar is a bit of a problem but...I love it! The pace was fairly good, not too fast and not too slow. The characters are done really well, Keep on writing!
That's a good good story! A couple hints: I would use double quotes when someone's speaking, and in some places(like opening the fight scene) slow it down a little. Also, use paragraphs a bit more, it can add emphasis. In spite of these issues, I love this story to pieces! Keep on writing!
this one looks good. It seems a little rushed, so you might want to go back and slow it down just a little. The other thing is formatting. Especially on this website, you will probably want to put line breaks between paragraphs and indent paragraphs. I think it would also help if you would explain just a little bit more about what's going on. Unless, of course, you are going to keep us in suspense or something like that.
hmmmm. that's kinda interesting. there are good short stories and bad ones, and I think you have something here. i would personally like it better as part of a larger story, but my preferences put aside, you did very well.
There's just one thing I would like to comment on:
the last part of the story I found a little difficult to follow. You might want to detail a little more there.
I'll be back for more!
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