overall, I loved this piece, it had proper grammar and punctuation. It had flow, and character development, which is often hard to portray in a short story. The only hold up I had was the random bit about the turkey and Native Americans; it just seemed a bit out of nowhere, going from "I don't like turkey" to "you're a princess". But overall, I loved it, and would happily read it again.
I love it! It really gives a cool spin on how kids perceive what is going on around them. I loved the purple remote for the "Imagination Engager"; that's something I can totally see my kids doing (and I'm jealous that I didn't think of it when I was a kid!).
Technically, it appears very well written, and I saw no major issues with punctuation or grammar, though I gave it a relatively quick read.
Overall, it seems a wonderful short story, and I would love to see more about these boys and what else they get up to!
This is a lovely showcase of what today's society has turned into, ironically in a format that even the detached zombies of social media can read and understand. I love the meter that gives it that same tedium of scrolling through social networks, without appearing to actually follow any pattern. I also liked how the only punctuation was at the end, after all the tedium, like it's not only ending the poem, but the tedium.
It took me a minute to get into it, but the emotion portrayed was portrayed well. The only thing that seemed to bother me as I was reading was the apparently random way in which you spelled out y-o-u over three lines. I also noticed how you had two different meters going throughout the piece, the first two having a different flow than the final two. Was that meant to signify a different change, or was it just the way it flowed out? I did enjoy the e. e. cummings styling of the capitalization and lack of end punctuation.
This is a great little introduction to lighthouses. I can definitely see this being used in an elementary school classroom. One issue I found was the extra quotation mark at the end of the 3rd paragraph. Also, towards the end it really seemed to get choppy, jumping from the minder getting swept off the bridge to him swimming in a storm to save the people who's ships had crashed.
I must start this review with the small caveat that I'm not much of a poetry reader anymore. However, this one struck me as a well written piece. While rhyming poetry is not the "in" thing right now, it does give it a bit of a timeless feel. The only thing I can see that warrants improvement in this piece is the last stanza, it didn't flow with the rest of the poem, in my opinion.
This is a good premise for a short story. However, I feel like the writing is still a bit choppy in places. The style doesn't always line up with the mood of the piece. The descriptions were great; however, they always seemed to come at inopportune times, like when the main character would not be noticing such details.
This story was very touching!!! I cried a lot. Little Casey was the bomb!!! She seemed so real to me. I wish I could make such realistic characters. Oh, well! Any way, great job on this piece!!! I can't wait for more about little Casey! :) Once again, great job!!!
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/iritebooks
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.10 seconds at 1:30pm on Nov 14, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
My review has been submitted for consideration in "