"You have loved me in extraordinary ways.
Despite circumstance, despite reason.
Waiting so long I am afraid
That you have begun to unravel.
Not stitch by stitch,
But ripped apart rows at a time."
- Awesome! Ouch!
"It's me who's flawed though.
Yet you lie in tangled skeins at my feet.
Can you believe when I promise
Standing with hook in hand
To someday make you whole?"
- Fantastic!
Such emotion! This is packed with all sorts of visual stimuli which makes FELT not just read!
Poems suchs as these are the hidden diamonds within the mines of writing.com!
Powerful! Punch society in the face like it needs to be! I like it!
I wanted to give this a higher rating. Here are my thoughts:
I noticed what SEEMED like a spelling error. Don't know for sure as Free Verse allows anything. Sp(Jelous)? I like the kings english so realise is not misspelled.
I feel like this is a diamond in the rough and that through revision this screams to be reborn powerfully.
Still, you are the best judge of your work. My review is only a subjective opinion from "blind man". Remember that and always be true to your work.
As a military veteran who has seen my share, and lost friends serving our country, I applaud this bitter TRUTH and your fortitude for posting it. It has a rating higher than I expected...the hard truth is not readily accepted when it makes us smell our own sweaty dirty underwear...We think we smell like roses, when we really are stinky.
I vote. I served. I put myself in harms way; repeatedly. I am American. I can say that as it is my right (for those of you planning on a not so nice email to me).
Another historical point; we also liberated the Philippine islands from the spanish, to turn on and conquered them in the Fil-Am war at the turn of the last century.
Yes we are bad, but the least of the bad, thus far...still bad though. Don't get me wrong, I love this country and I put it on the line many times over a period of 13 years. I love having the freedom to put my boot up its ass when it screws up without having to worry about it being chopped off! Ah, America!
Great work. I commend you on underlining the African tragedies. Africa is overlooked. Maybe if oil was there... Hmmmmm.
Great job being bad! Smack! Outta the park with a 5.0!
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