I feel like there’s a strong message here but it’s hard to see. The beginning feels like the middle of a sentence and not the start of a thought. The use of the and symbol is an interesting choice and a bit distracting along with the spelling errors. There’s definitely a lot of potential here it just feels more like a draft than finished piece.
I think the sentiment and writing here are really beautiful. The message is interesting and makes you think. It is a bit hard to read with no indents or spacing between paragraphs or ideas but a lovely read overall.
I can understand the sentiment of this piece and it is written well. However, it gives off a fake deep vibe. It doesn't feel like there is any substance below the surface. It almost suggests a pretentious view of a situation that has been talked and written to death. With the talent that this piece shows though, you should look for a new subject to write about. I believe you'd go a lot farther.
Do you proof read? You have devil capitalized in one spot and not in another, I'm pretty sure you meant asylum not the flower alyssum, Santa Clause, etc. It's too hard to even focus on what you're writing with all the errors. Have someone else look over your work before you post. I understand typos happen, but this is way too many for the writing to even been enjoyable anymore. Keep writing though I'm sure you'll improve with work.
This poem feels a bit disjointed. The random bold words don't seem to serve a purpose, and one verse being three lines and one being five feels off when most are four. I will never forget followed by don't forget seems out of place and redundant. It's a cool idea, but the styling needs a lot of work.
I really got hooked in, but something about the ending just falls a bit flat. It's a relatable subject and does pull at my own emotions, but the wording on the end just feels a bit clunky. I think reworking it somehow would greatly improve the piece.
This is so beautifully tragic I'm enamored by it. I think you beautifully told the story of the image and while it's a dark theme it feels almost like a happy ending.
Outside of the weird juxtaposition of two lines not being capitalized while the rest are, this is a great piece. Short but definitely gives a sense of wonder and longing.
This doesn't really feel personal at all. It feels very generic almost like a parody of slam poetry. What makes you tick? What are things that you are super passionate about or that provoke intense emotion from you? I think if you look there your writing will improve. Look for your own style not just what you think poetry has to or should be. You've got a lot of potential.
Growing up is always hard and often times you will feel alone. Don't live your life regretting who was or wasn't in it or choices you made. Everything could be different in hindsight, but you shouldn't get stuck in there. You're never really as alone as you feel. Trust me on that one. Not everyone will be there for you in the end but everyone was there for a reason have faith in that. I think this is a really good place to work from writing wise. The flow is a bit clunky in places, but overall it's really nice and extremely relatable.
I like the vague story telling and how it allows the reader to an open supply of mood/feelings. It can allude to different meanings of the ending and I think it's beautiful.
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