The Brad Field bio is an amazing description of tomorrow and not just of Australia. Not that I know, your speculation showed me much more than I am familiar with--I liked and appreciated what you've done. While the speculation was well done, some touches of the character's lives/back story/conflicts are considered important even in spec fiction. In my little world of writing and subbing a few bits of spec fiction, publishers seem to really want story line in a speculative environment. With them, the sci-fi seems to come in second place. My only other thought is to foreshadow that Field's son would be talking as this is the crux and should be anticipated by the reader?
Fab finishing sentence.
I've a short story up that might interest you. The start is disjointed and for a reason. Then a twist. It seems up your alley. 'An Hallucinatory Century' is a short story and might be wild/different. The start of the story seems to have been written by a college sophomore in heat, I assure you this is not the case. Thank you for your consideration.
Holy food-poisoning hell! Are you trying to single-handedly ruin the economy of Mexico?
Aloha! At the start, my mind thought you should reverse the title and tag-line. "Whatever you do, don't order the special" has more mystery and more effect?
The rest was a fabulous description of a descent onto horror. Well described for sure. I pray I don't dream about the worms--they came across to me sort of like hammerhead sharks. While the story is fine as is, I wonder if you could go larger by including some addition to the story line--say of an mc conflict in life that becomes mirrored, then overwhelmed by the worms. Even a conflict so mortal as possibility of the death of the mc in the near future then the twist, the worms get her first?
One other really small nitpick. I noticed in your work two occurrences of the word "but" close together as the attendant pushed at the door. Synonyms for the word “but” include “although, however, nevertheless, on the other hand, still, though, yet, besides,” and more. The word “but” oft is overused and oft there is a synonym with a meaning more in line with what the sentence is saying. The word “but” implies some opposition to the foregoing words, yet oft the word choice to be used should not declare opposition, rather it should supply a meaning of “in addition” or “in juxtaposition” or similar.
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/inkytext
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.11 seconds at 10:51am on Nov 23, 2024 via server WEBX2.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
