I've given you a rating of 4 because I believe that you have a very good story but one in need of strict editing. The story itself is compelling, I found that I kept reading even when I stopped to question why you phrased things in a certain way, or missed grammatical and punctuation errors that were obvious.
I began taking notes and writing down suggestions, then realized it needed editing not nit picking, which would simply be like slapping on band-aids. You have a tale that is strong, sensitive and moving, but it needs cutting and tightening. As writers we learn that it is not what we throw out that's important, it's what we leave in. My suggestion is for you to throw out everything you don't need, if you do, you will be left with a story that will remain in the minds and hearts of readers for a long time.
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/indaba
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.10 seconds at 10:43pm on Nov 23, 2024 via server WEBX2.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
