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7 Public Reviews Given
7 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review by Vi Williams Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi Vi Williams here,

Here's what I think:

Don't use it:
Once upon a time just kind of gets us off track, and there's mature people on here not kindergarteners. Start off with the problem and revert back to how it all started, then you'll really get us interested.

Explain:
Explain to us why the man is weak. We could have the right idea in our heads why or we can just keep on guessing. Make him explain himself.

Add-ons:
Get rid of these 5th grade words and endorse your inner writer. Use those big words to your advantage. Don't back down from them.
Introduce the plot through a more extensive way so that when you do get to your moral, we can really relate or think deeply about it.

Last But Not Least:

Your title needs to say more. Like for instance, (suggestion) The Moral of a Mistaken Criminal (or) What You Say is not Always What You See, and in some cases it's true.




Happy Revising,

(Vi) WILLIAMS
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Review of Matter Horn  Open in new Window.
Review by Vi Williams Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
I loved it!! Amazing. I love how you turned what could've have been a children's chapter book into a simple 40 lined poem in which I could very much imagine. So neat, I could not break from reading. What you have done with unicorns, I find most writers having a difficulty writing of such a tale. I didn't even realize that I was reading a poem, much more like a story needed to be continued. I absolutely enjoyed it.
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