this was a good opening to a potentially great story. If this was written to be a single story I think you need to change the ending to make a distinct climax and resolution.
You created a good suspenseful atmosphere at the beginning, but I was wondering where that went when the group stopped. I was also wondering why there was a warrior in the group when she didn't get to fight.
Overall a good story. it was easy to follow the plot, (though slightly incomplete). Maybe a bit more detail would help with some missing links. The simple ideas you have used work well together to create a great plot line, though I thought you needed to expand on them a bit more.
I have a few questions here that I asked myself while I was reading and I hope they will be useful if you edit this story:
Who's POV is this told from?
Why did Keith change, was it because of magic or was he secretly planning against the group?
What are they up against and what is the book's relevance to the climax and/or resolution?
Does the sorceress pity Keith, did she know what was happening to him?
What relevance does dice have to the climax and/or resolution?
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/ilvwriting
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.07 seconds at 10:45am on Dec 22, 2024 via server WEBX1.