What I liked the most
Very original. And I loved the way your narrated it. Kudos for the descriptions. After reading the ending, I had to go back and see what was really happened. And I didn't you would have such aliens. Quite a departure from green small beings. Lol
Suggestions
I didn't like the ending. The tone of the story was joyful, so was the whole idea. The ending didn't fit, IMO.
Technical Aspects
None to make.
Conclusion
If the ending was otherwise, it would have been perfect for me. But it was still a very well-written story.
Reviewed by Ieshwar. If you have some spare time and want to truly thank me, please visit my portfolio and review a story/poem. :)
What I liked the most
Very nice!! I guess we do need a magic wand to correct the environmental problems. But you had a very original story, innocent and sweet too. I liked the fact that you had a picture at the top of the story. It made the story better since i could see the lake in my mind. good one!
Suggestions
None.
Technical Aspects
None.
Conclusion
A very nice story, which I enjoyed. :) Best of luck with the contest.
Reviewed by Ieshwar. If you have some spare time and want to truly thank me, please visit my portfolio and review a story/poem. :)
What I liked the most
You had a pretty interesting character and I think it was the force of the story. The plot was interesting too. You did a fine job with these two.
Suggestions
It was a bit conversational. Was this intended? If no, a bit more of descriptions would have been great. Especially about Charles. I really like him. :)
Technical Aspects
Nothing to say
Conclusion
A very nice story, which with a bit more of details would have been perfect.
Reviewed by Ieshwar. If you have some spare time and want to truly thank me, please visit my portfolio and review a story/poem. :)
What I liked the most
Cool! (no pun intended :P ) What I absolutely loved in the double meaning in the title and the summary. Great. And the last line was well-done.
Suggestions
None to make.
Technical Aspects
Not much you can say for a 55 words story.
Conclusion
A very cool story. But had you mentioned chocolate ice-cream (my fav), I would have liked it. hehe Just joking! I did like it.
Reviewed by Ieshwar. If you have some spare time and want to truly thank me, please visit my portfolio and review a story/poem. :)
What I liked the most
I love fantasy and I see that this story has lots of potential!! Nice descriptions, especially the action parts. I always found those most difficult to write.
Suggestions
...as though the loominh collumns guarded the small wooden door...
loominh? Did you mean looming?
the hairs on the back of my neck gave a standing ovation.
This one made me groan. You had such a great flow and this line disturbed it. I would have removed this sentence and just say that they stood. But this is just a suggestion.
Technical Aspects
Normally, for dialogue, we change paragraph. But here, it was kinda ok. But still, it's better to be safe.
Conclusion
The preview is very good and serves its purpose. It makes you want more. The others are just small stuff which I'm sure you can work on. Normally, I would have given such a story a 4.0 but I really liked this. So a 4.5. :D
Reviewed by Ieshwar. If you have some spare time and want to truly thank me, please visit my portfolio and review a story/poem. :)
Overall comments
This is so sad and rather frightening. I shiver at the idea of losing contact with my best friend. It would be like... no life. The fact that you manage to touch that fear shows that you have a great poem here. The imagery, the way it was told and the flow of the words... all were well-done!
My favourite part
"Once happy times are remembered like ghosts;
We long for past glories in our hours of waste."
This is the part that gave me the chill.
Suggestions
None to add.
Reviewed by Ieshwar. I have seen your story on review request page. If you have some spare time to thank me, I would love if you review my story: Beyond The Threshold. I would appreciate it. :)
Overall Comment
A nice sad story. The rhyming sequence was right and gave the poem a flow.
My Favourite part
I can't believe it is true. It isn't right,
a string untied from my thumb.
This was so beautiful. The imagery of the string was great!
Suggestions
None to make.
Reviewed by Ieshwar. I have seen your story on review request page. If you have some spare time to thank me, I would love if you review my story: Beyond The Threshold. I would appreciate it. :)
Overall comments
A really nice song. I read it more like a poem; I cant put a music to it and I don;t have my earphones with me right now. But still, it was nice; with a catchy tune, it might be very well.
My favourite part
‘Here goes nothing’ as I step up once again.
the refrain is really good and has a feeling of merry-go-lucky and bravery as well.
Any suggestions
None to make!
Reviewed by Ieshwar. If you have some spare time and want to truly thank me, please visit my portfolio and review a story/poem. :)
What I liked the most
Awesome. What I loved most in a poem is the imagery and here, it was way too good! I loved it! The personification of the hurricane in some majestic... I wanted to quote a few fav lines but all here are so good. I just say that i loved the whole poem.
Suggestions
None to make.
Conclusion
Hope you are getting this one published somewhere. It needs to be shared!
Reviewed by Ieshwar. If you have some spare time and want to truly thank me, please visit my portfolio and review a story/poem. :)
What I liked the most
Well-said. I like the messages in your poems and this one is no exception. It makes us think and ponder over our own opinions. Rather than ranting about political systems, you said that it is we who should bring the change.
Suggestions
You should put the commas inside the double inverted commas. So it becomes:
"It's not right, an outrage, disgrace,"
Conclusion
A thought-provoking poem. :)
Reviewed by Ieshwar. If you have some spare time and want to truly thank me, please visit my portfolio and review a story/poem. :)
What I liked the most
That was funny! Haha. I liked it. It is different from your other poems. I think you should explore other genres. You're good at it.
Suggestions
In the dialogues, you should put the commas inside the double inverted commas. It should be like this:
"Anytime," said the zookeeper
And when you have exclamation marks, you shouldn't use commas, so it becomes:
"Thank you for that!" (no commas)
Conclusion
A nice poem which needs a bit of tweaking. :) But I liked it.
Reviewed by Ieshwar. If you have some spare time and want to truly thank me, please visit my portfolio and review a story/poem. :)
What I liked the most
For someone who is overseas (studying), I can really relate to this poem. The whole message in this so romantic. And true too. You made me think of someone. :P You managed to pack sweetness, love and joy in those lines.
Suggestions
None to make. This is a really fine poem.
Conclusion
I love it! I wish someone would write this for me. haha
Reviewed by Ieshwar. If you have some spare time and want to truly thank me, please visit my portfolio and review a story/poem. :)
What I liked the most
The emotions in the poem really touched me. If I'm not wrong, this poem talks about waiting for the Marriage to be legal to get married. Right? A very original idea, one which I have never seen in the poem form. I like it.
Suggestions
The second stanza was confusing. Did you really mean 'awake'? And isn't the first 'my' supposed to be 'me'? I would like to know this. :)
Conclusion
A nice poem, with a great originality. :)
Reviewed by Ieshwar. If you have some spare time and want to truly thank me, please visit my portfolio and review a story/poem. :)
What I liked the most
A very painful poem, expressing the agony experienced by the close one of an addict. With great imagery and a great style. We could feel the raw emotions in this work, especially the pain.
Suggestions
The whole flow of the poem was good but the last line left me confused. I was like "Why twenty-two?" Is there any reason? If yes, it hadn't been mentioned around here.
Conclusion
A really nice poem. :)
Reviewed by Ieshwar. If you have some spare time and want to truly thank me, please visit my portfolio and review a story/poem. :)
What I liked the most
A very painful poem. I really liked the allusion of lovers to soldiers. I think in case of lesbians (and gays), it is kind of true, because of the daily struggle we have to go through. this line was way too good: "Our love, the victory march for lovers, now with a single lover, soldiering on"
Suggestions
None to make. It was a good one.
Conclusion
You mentioned that tried the free-form. I think you did a great job at it. It was a really good poem."
Reviewed by Ieshwar. If you have some spare time and want to truly thank me, please visit my portfolio and review a story/poem. :)
What I liked the most
Very sweet. True. In mere ten lines, you managed to convey the sad state of many GBLT couples around the world. The last two lines were just amazing. It made me smile sadly and nod. A bitter truth.
Suggestions
I am perplexed by the second line: "Paint and gloss, her face adorn." Why would you say this here? Do you intend to say that the paint and gloss are a mask, hiding her true identity?
Conclusion
A very nice poem with a tinge of love which conveys the sad situation of GBLT couples.
Reviewed by Ieshwar. If you have some spare time and want to truly thank me, please visit my portfolio and review a story/poem. :)
What I liked the most
Awesomely done. You managed to write the feelings of many in such a nice poem. The allusion of 'Fiction and story' to Holy Books was good and I liked that you kept the 'he' with small capital case. It was definitely intentional, wasn't it?
Suggestions
I would have avoided using the inverted commas in 'he'. If you want him to be ordinary, make him so.
Conclusion
I'm Gay and my feelings towards religion is quite different to yours. But I saw and understood your perspective. I think you did a great job.
Reviewed by Ieshwar. If you have some spare time and want to truly thank me, please visit my portfolio and review a story/poem. :)
What I liked the most
Writing action can be very difficult, speaking from personal experience. And looking at this, I would say, you did a fair job. I liked it.
Suggestions
Why did you start with that sentence? I think starting from the second one would have been better. But that's my opinion.
Technical Aspects
None to make.
Conclusion
A nice piece of work. :)
Reviewed by Ieshwar. If you have some spare time and want to truly thank me, please visit my portfolio and review a story/poem. :)
What I liked the most
You have gone for a simple style of writing and I think this works for a seven-year old protagonist. Well-done.
Suggestions
Try to avoid using bold characters. It is not very pleasing on the eyes.
Technical Aspects
Don't put the time in numbers; it is usually spelled out. And you need to use complete sentences. Your third sentences has no verb and hence is not complete. And you should say "Principles' three paddles" You forgot the apostrophe.
Conclusion
With a bit of tweaking, it can be a nice story. Best of luck with the contest.
Reviewed by Ieshwar. If you have some spare time and want to truly thank me, please visit my portfolio and review a story/poem. :)
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/ieshwar
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.12 seconds at 9:12am on Dec 28, 2024 via server WEBX2.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
