I loved it. Great rhyming. I think you might want to be consistent with the last comment after each stanza, where you began with "I just know it" and "I am below it". It's missing in the last two. Otherwise, good job! Great way you incorporated the words you were supposed to.
Wow! What a story. It's so believable. I liked how you mentioned it was hard to put into words verbally the story..being easier to write it. I have that same problem. Your story was very well written. I found no errors. Thank you for writing such a piece. I hope to read more of your works!
I liked your story. You mention a lot of orange hues, which sticks with me. A couple of your sentences are run-on, but overall, you did a great job showing me what you imagined..the views of a child. Please don't follow that hand if it ever visits you again!
Hi there. At first I thought the green eyes were from an alien. I pictured a little green man standing on the side of the road. Then, it became a deer. What does the man look like? Any similarity to someone you might have seen in life? Have you really dreamt this for that many years?
A lot of my dreams stem from my Grandparents home where I grew up most of my youth. It's the one safe place in a somewhat tumultuous past. Everyone is amazed at how clear and defined my dreams are when I share.
You did a great job explaining your dream. Thank you for sharing it.
Wow. I didn't know what I was getting into when I started reading this. It's like a twilight zone episode! Was he really asleep? I think not. You did a great job on this.
What an interesting story. It was under the poem static item but I was pleasantly surprised to read it. Great for the upcoming Halloween season. This is the kind of story where I wonder if it really happened or are you just that good:) I found no errors and you wrote it well. Good job.
I like this. There are two things I would correct if it were me...the fourth line I think you're missing the word "of"; and the last line doesn't flow, even though the thought is good.
I didn't understand the significance of "three." I think it would be cool to limit it to a woman's kiss instead of stating both male and female. It would seem ever more potent. Just my opinion. I liked it, esp. the first 5 lines.
Windy
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